My Real Life Nightmare

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It's 2:50am, and I'm wide awake. I'm pregnant with my dead boyfriends baby. How am I going to tell my mom? She's been here three days tomorrow and now I have to drop a bomb shell on her. I don't want this baby, I'm not going to give it away though. This is my baby and it always will be no matter how much I don't want it.

Amy literally cried herself to sleep. She whimpers every now and then in her sleep. She has to call Luke's parents over in Ireland tomorrow to arrange his funeral and to break the news of his death. Well at least I didn't have to do that, Conors mam died with him and his dad ran off with another woman when Conor was ten months old.

Luckily for Shannon she doesn't have to worry about any loved ones getting killed. Her family live in Los Angelus. I only know her because she went to school with my cousin and we met and kicked off straight away. You know that feeling when you meet someone and you can tell you're going to be good friends? That's what I felt with Shannon.

Since Amy was the first to fall asleep, Shannon and I stayed up and were thinking of names. Well its definitely going to be called Conor if its a boy. There's no doubt about that. But I can't think of a girls name. I was thinking about naming it Robyn but I don't want to go too cliche and just copy off everyone who's died names.

Shannon suggested the name April because she thinks its lovely, it is a lovely name but I don't think its the type of name to suit my daughter. Why am I thinking so far ahead? I'm only 6 weeks pregnant, anything could happen. I could even have a miscarriage by then. I don't really want this baby but I don't want it to die either. I don't know I'm confused!

I'm still wondering how I became pregnant. I always made sure Conor and I used contraception when we got down and dirty but obviously something must've went wrong.

Wait, I'm being so selfish. Luke was taken from us today and all I'm thinking about is something that's around 8 months in the future. I should be grieving over Luke and supporting Amy. She must think I'm a terrible friend. Oh god Amy I'm so sorry! I'll have to apologise first thing in the morning.

There's a good side for Luke though. He's up in Heaven now with his best friend in the whole world. At least he gets to be with him and I know for sure that they're looking down at us and making sure we're OK this very moment. Thinking that relaxes me. My eyelids get heavy and I gently drift off into a deep sleep.

******

And once again I'm hunched over the toilet puking everything in my stomach out. My mom comes in as usual, with a glass of water.

"I think we need to talk." She says sternly.

"Yes, yes we do." I say, sitting down beside the toilet. I feel so weak, my stomach has nothing left in it.

"So I found these yesterday..." She trails off, holding up my three tests. Oh gosh, this is not the way I wanted her to find out. My eyes brim with tears, I forgot to discard them but instead I left them right on the bathroom counter.

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I was going to tell you first thing, you weren't meant to find out like that." I say very quietly. I'm full on crying, she probably thought I was never going to tell her and let her go home without knowing she's having a grandchild.

"Honey, its OK. I just can't believe you're pregnant though. I promise I'll send you money every week to keep you on your feet since Conors not here to help." She hushes. She's crying now too. I think it's the fact her first grandchild was an accident who's father, grandfather and aunt are dead.

"Thanks mom." I pull her into a hug. It's really nice to hug my mom again, there's nothing nicer than a mom hug.

Would it ruin this moment if I brought up the notes and the fact someones out to get me and possibly cause harm to my child? Yeah I think so. But I don't see a better time coming soon so I'm going to take it.