Richard Ayoade's Disenchantmentplace

Chapter 40

Bean: (bewildered, staring at Bad Bean) Wait, who the hell are you?

Bad Bean: (smirking) I'm Bean.

Bean: (doubtful) Okay, highly unlikely, smartass.

Bad Bean: (playfully) Well, I mean to say that I'm Bean as well.

Bean: (frustrated) No, I'm Bean.

Bad Bean: (feigning shock) No, I'm Bean!

Bean: (exasperated) Look, I'm the one and only Bean.

Bad Bean: (grinning) So self-centered.

Bean: (annoyed) Okay, screw you and your tacky red room.

Bad Bean: (mischievous) Angry too, I like it. (blows out the candle, and suddenly they find themselves back in Bean's room)

Bean: (demanding) Okay, tell me who you really are before I slam your nose off.

Bad Bean: (sighs, removes the robe) Well, I'm not. I'm you. Well, the dreamtime you. I hide inside your head and come out when you fall asleep, pass out drunk, or snooze till noon. I'm the pesky voice whispering, "have a sixth beer, Bean" or "steal Grandma's tooth and drive Dad crazy."

Bean: (rolls her eyes) Okay, I already have a demon that does all of that.

Bad Bean: (smirks) Well, lucky you. Who else has two bad influences?

Bean: (resigned) Okay, you're Bad Bean. I'm gonna call you Bad Bean.

Bad Bean: (grinning) We're both Bad Beans, babe. And I'm way more than that. I know all your dirty, dark secrets. And those stupid, moronic ones that you go on and on about? I know what turns you on, Bean. I know that little miss Bean likes to have her neck nuzzled.

[Bean's face turns beet red as Bad Bean teases her. Y/n(Alva) watches the exchange, amusement twinkling in his eyes as he supports Bean through this surreal encounter.]

Y/n(Alva): (whispering to Bean) Bean, don't let this Bad Bean get to you. She's just a manifestation of your subconscious.

Bean: (blushing, leaning into Y/n) Yeah, but she's way more confident than I am.

[As Bad Bean continues her antics, Y/n(Alva) remains by Bean's side, ready to confront whatever oddities this dream world throws their way, their love stronger than any bizarre challenges they might face.]

Bean: (blushing) I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure everyone likes their neck nuzzled.

Bad Bean: (teasing) If I were to show you the analytics about how much you fantasize about it...

Bean: (curious) Okay, what are analytics?

Bad Bean: (mockingly) Maybe if you didn't think about neck nuzzling so much, you would know what analytics were, Bean! And I also know where you hide the muffins.

Bean: (defensive) You know what? I'm just gonna say that the muffins, they're not hidden. I happen to have guests over sometimes, so I have muffins around and available. Like a good host. But sometimes they eat them all. But don't shame me.

Bad Bean: (serious) Enough with your spinning! You need to get a hold of yourself! Listen, there's a reason, and I'm not just here for fun. We've got a curse to get rid of.

Bean: (sarcastic) Oh, a curse. (chuckles) Is there, like, a bunch of people coming? Because it seems like there's just a curse a day. Which one are we talking about today?

Bad Bean: (determined, grabs Bean's hand) We're gonna figure this out together. Just know the whole time that I'm gonna be watching you. I'm gonna be guiding you. And I'm gonna be pushing you. (pushes Bean out the window)