Falling Into Your Life {Avengers/Bucky Barnes}

My Healed Fists

"You are The Demented Warrior. A help to wreck the world."

"Yes, sir. I will kill."

***

I wake up screaming. Sweat dripping down my face. My door busts open and Tony runs in. I get out if the bed, then I get a sudden surge of overwhelming anxiety and fear. My heart is pounding like crazy and I can't breathe. I am dizzy and I feel like I'm going crazy or even dying. Somewhere safe? Tony.

"Tony." I barely choke out. I reach my hands out to him, and he runs over to me. He wraps his arms around me, tightly. I wish I could tell him. Tell him about being my father and tell him about KNEEL. I never told Steve about me being The Demented Warrior. I faught James. I almost killed him and he almost killed me. I was sliced deep in my stomach by him and he left me there bleeding out. The Winter Soldier left me there to die.

I have a scar on my stomach, but not on my arm. It must have been the sirum. Made me stronger and heal faster.

"You're okay. Just a panic attack."

"Just a panic attack." I whisper into Tony's shirt.

***

"Is Ja-Bucky here?" I ask the crew.

"Yeah. He's in the gym." Natasha says.

"Thanks..." I walk to my room and put on gym clothes. I take the elevator to the room and I walk in. James is punching at a bag, so he doesn't notice me. His metal arm hits the bag just as hard as his real arm. I decide not to wrap my hands and I start pounding on a bag next to his.

I let all my feeling out on the bag. All of them. Bucky looks at me and starts to pull me away from the bag.

"No." I push away from him and start hitting the bag like a maniac.

"Carter. Look at your hands." I look down at my bloody fists. I don't feel the pain in my hands. It doesn't hurt.

"I'm okay. They don't hurt." I don't look at him. I won't look at him. When I see the pain in his eyes, I feel it. I feel like he knows what I went through, but I feel like I know what he went through.

The truth is that, I don't want to feel pain. No one wants to feel the pain I felt when I went through that. KNEEL, Jace and Steve are the only ones who know what I went through, but they can't feel it. They won't understand. Bucky is the only one who would, but I can't tell him. He doesn't know that I was The Demented Warrior.

The Demented Warrior wore a mask. The Demented Warrior was impetuous, reckless, and careless. The Demented Warrior was a killer. She killed everybody who got in her way. She killed just for fun. She killed because she was told to. I can't be her. I wish I wasn't her.

But the thing is... You can't change the past. You can't change who you were. The only thing you can change is the future.

***

I wait, eating lunch in one of the kitchens.

"AVICS, have I told you I love you?" I ask randomly.

"I don't believe so, ma'am." She says as I take a sip of my water.

"Well, I do." I take a bite of my sandwich.

"Thank you, Miss, but I was not equipped to have emotional feeling." She says and I choke on my food.

"Well, I need to fix that too." I take another bite of my sandwich, "Oh, please try to figure out what's wrong with my thrusters."

"Right away, ma'am."

"Thank-" I am cut off by an elevator opening. "Fury."

"Carter. I heard we need to talk." Fury says.

"Yes, we do. But we have to talk in a different room." I say. Clint, Tony and Bucky stand up from the couch.

"Why?" They ask in unison.

"It doesn't matter." Fury and I both say. We look at each other before before walking away to a room. I open the door for him and lock it behind me. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Tony? TDW?" He says loudly.

"Shh. Yes. I know you told me to tell Tony but I can't."

"Why the hell not?" He says loudly this time too.

"Because it would wreck everything. I have friends now. Cool friends." I whine, "And it would distract him from 'work'." I say.

"You are going to tell him, or I will myself. It has to be done." He says standing up straight.

"I can't tell him he is my father!" I whisper shout. "And about The Demented Warrior. I've had a few nightmares lately. I also have been working on my strength, it's not to noticeable. It's hard for me to hide my healing, though. I've hurt my fists," I show him my hands, "and they are already healed. The less I use it the faster everything heals. But I was at the park and-"

"Cut to the chase. I don't need to here your life story."

"I was at the park and this kid fell off the monkey bars and I think he sprained his ankle. I went up to him and put my hands on his legs and I was healing him, but I could feel the energy being sucked from me."

"Why the hell are you healing people?! How did you learn to do that?"

"It's a long story, Sir." I don't know to look at his eye and the eyepatch or just the eye. I just decide to look at his eye.

"I would stop healing people. That's all I can say." He says getting ready to leave.

"Okay."

*TONY'S P.O.V.*

"Oh, please try to figure out what's wrong with my thrusters." Carter says to AVICS.

"Right away, ma'am."

"Thank-" Carter is cut off by an elevator opening. "Fury." She says.

"Carter. I heard we need to talk." Fury says back to her. Why the hell would they need to talk?

"Yes, we do. But we have to talk in a different room." She says. I stand up from the couch, along with Bucky and Clint.

"Why?" We ask in unison.

"It doesn't matter." Fury and Carter both say. I'm suspicious. They look at each other before before walking away to a room. She opens the door for Fury and locks it behind her.

I start talking to JARVIS.

"Get the cameras from the room Carter is now in to play from the TV."

"Will do, sir." The live footage from the room shows up.

"I need to talk to you about something." Carter says to Fury.

"Tony? TDW?" He says loudly. Me? Why are they talking about me? What's TDW?

"Shh. Yes. I know you told me to tell Tony but I can't." Tell me what? Has she been keeping secrets from me?

"Why the hell not?" He says loudly this time too. I thought they were supposed to whisper.

"Because it would wreck everything. I have friends now. Cool friends." She whines. I'm cool? We're cool? I forgot that the rest of the group is here, except for Thor. He's never here. I look at them. They are all watching the screen. I look back at the TV. "And it would distract him from 'work'." She says. What would distract me?

"You are going to tell him, or I will myself. It has to be done." He says standing up straight. What has to be done?

"I can't tell him he is my father!" Then I hop up from the couch and shut the TV off. I pace the room before walking down to my work shop. I'm a what? I'm her father?

"No, no, no!" I yell, throwing my wrench at the door. I suit up and fly off. I am not a father figure. How can I be a father? Her father? It all makes sense now.