Scars And Stars |✓ (Dela Vega Series #3)

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

It's been a week since I released a statement through live. Right after I ended the live that night, I broke down. Simula noon ay napansin ko ang malaking pagbabago sa sarili ko. I received a lot of messages from my close friends because of that. Gab recommended Dr. Mateo to me. It was his sister's psychiatrist kaya trusted na raw niya talaga. I am really overwhelmed with my emotions that's why Gab managed to convinced me to try consulting someone who can help me feel better. Someone professional.

Unfortunately, since nasa South Korea ako, online consultation lang ang nangyari. May isinend siya sa aking form ng psychological test. Sinagutan ko 'yon at ipinasa pabalik sa kaniya. Sabi niya, sasabihin niya ang result kapag nagpunta ako sa clinic niya pagka-uwi ko sa Pilipinas. He told me that it would be better if I will ignore my bashers or to not spend too much time in social media but since hindi ko pa kaya na hindi mag-social media, hindi ko na lang binabasa ang mga post and comments nila about me.

I am more active in my old IG account because it is private and only few close friends can see my posts. Napapadalas na nga ata ang pagpo-post ko ng mga foods and sceneries. Probably because I somehow want to update Viel. I know he can see my posts and I want to somehow show him that I'm doing good. I really want to talk to him.

I actually don't tell everything to Dr. Mateo. Base sa natatandaan ko about my career and past love life lang ang sinabi ko sa kaniya. Hindi pa rin ako komportable na mag-share about my family. I want to solve my past trauma one by one. Parang masyadong madami at hindi ko ma-handle kapag pati tungkol sa family ko ay pag-usapan din namin.

"Have you ever tried talking to him about what happened?"

I remembered him asking that question noong unang beses ko siyang nakausap. Umiling lang ako that time.

"Why? Sa tinggin mo bakit hindi pinakinggan ni Mary si Viel?"

It took me a while before I answered him.

"Maybe because I'm too busy minding important things. That time I feel like there's no need to fix our relationship. There's no reason for me to listen kasi I know what I saw."

"You mentioned that Mary was busy with important things? Do you mind sharing what was that?" Napansin kong madalas siyang magtanong gamit ang third person point of view. It was weird to think myself in another point of view but I feel like it's helping me to understand myself more.

"My family..." Huminga ako nang malalim. "I don't want to talk about it, Doc."

Tumango-tango siya at ngumiti. "I understand. We will get there. But, I just want to know if Mary is ready to talk to Viel now? Are you ready to hear his side?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. I don't know. Natatakot ako sa maririnig ko. Natatakot ako na baka ako lang naman talaga ang nagkamali na hindi siya hinayaang magpaliwanag ng side niya noon. Kasi looking back to his efforts to update me for the past 10 years, I know he loves me so much.

I spaced out during our session. Basta ang natatandaan ko lang bago kami nag tapos, sinabi ni Doc Mateo na baka makatulong sa akin kung pakikinggan ko si Viel. Kasi may mga tao raw talaga na ganoon—kailangan i-resolve ang past para maka move forward.

So when I saw that he is online, I called him. But he did not answer. Hindi ko na inulit. Kasi maybe he doesn't want to talk to me.

"Ate, what's your plan?" Viviane asked while we were eating ramyeon. I'm still here in Seoul.

I looked at her and force a smile.

"I want to fix myself first. Then, I will go back to New York. May aayusin lang din ako doon, after that I will build a business here in South Korea. Probably a restaurant or a coffee shop?" Pinag-iisipan ko pang mabuti kung anong mas maganda. "What do you think?"