Hank's trouble child // chicago PD

Chapter 14- Untrusted.

Hey guys, before I start the chapter I just wanna let you know I'm really sorry if things don't add up. Its been a while since I wrote this book LOL. 

As we walked into the precinct I could feel the stares. It hurt me. Everyone's going to see me as the teenage druggy. I mean... I know I am like, but I didn't ant people to actually see me in that state. Fuck I hope Rosa's family didn't see me in that state. God it's embarrassing. What the fuck is wrong with me. 

Hank just guided me to his office, while Antonio wondered off to his desk. My seat next to his sitting empty. 

"Why am I in here?" I asked Hank, in a natural tone. No sarcasm or nothing, I was genuinely just confused why I couldn't sit in my usual spot with Tonio. Plus being in here meant I truly couldn't do anything. Couldn't sneak off into the breakroom or nothing. 

"Because I want to keep an eye on you. For your safety that's all. And now you're sober I want to talk to you, properly." He said.

If there are ever words you don't want to hear, It's those ones. I want to talk to you..... ahhhhh. Sending me shivers down my spine and everything bro. 

"About what?" I said, in a snappy sort of way. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be disrespectful to the guy who I count as my father, but sometimes I just cant control it. And I think its when I'm feeling most vulnerable when it happens. 

"What else do you got on you?" He asked, almost as if he knew I had something. But he was wrong, I didn't have anything on me! In my room.... that's a different story. But on me right now, I aint got shit! 

"I ain't got nothing on me" I said, borderline shouting. He just shook his head.

"Don't act dumb Dan. I know you got something, whether its on you right now I don't know. But you have something somewhere, and you gotta tell me for me to help you." He said, trying to calm the situation. But it didn't work. He was just making me more angry, even though he was right and I knew it. To be honest, that's probably why I was so angry, he could see straight through me, and it was killing me not being able to ever lie myself out of situations. Especially situations like this. 

"You got to tell me kiddo, you know you need help. So let me." 

That was it. That just pushed me over the edge.

"I'm not telling you shit!" I shouted, and then stormed out of his office. Everyone was looking, and I heard Tonio and Hank call my name as I made my way for the stairs to leave the bullpen. That was until I felt someone grab my arm to stop me, and pulled me into the locker room. I was trying to fight them off but I was too weak. My body was tired and it was showing. 

"Calm down." It was Ruzek. holding both of my shoulders, can't believe he would betray me like that man. 

"Just let me leave Ruze, please." I practically begged.

"So you can just go and get high again and let yourself down? No I'm not gonna let you do that. Just chill. I got some water in my locker, just chill out before you go and speak to anyone. You're gonna say something you'll regret, if you haven't already." He said. In a tone.. I didn't actually recognize. It was like he was pissed, but not at me. And not at anyone. It was weird. But at the same time, it made me feel safe. Like he was there to keep me from getting into trouble. Which he has done to be fair.

10 minutes had passed, and nothing more was said. But I was feeling a lot cooler, more chilled. Ruzek was sat next to me, just there. I don't know why. Could've been to make sure, if I did have anything on me, that I didn't take it, Or could've just been to make me feel less alone. Either way, It made me feel safer and I appreciated that.

"Thank you." I said barely above a whisper. He just pulled me into his side, and embraced me.

"No problem kid, but your gonna have to apologize to Hank, and Antonio. I know it's hard but they're only trying to help. Plus if you ever feel like its getting to much me and Kim will go out somewhere with you if you want? Go get some food, go to the park and play some....football. Or we could watch some movies at ours. Either way we're here for you, and so is the rest of the precinct. You just need to let us help. Other wise it's gonna be a lot harder for both sides of the table yeah?"  

I just nodded. I don't think he understood how much that meant to me. How much I needed that. 

Just then, Tonio and Hank walked into the locker rooms almost as if it where perfect timing. I just looked at Ruze and then looked at my father figures. Ruze squeezed my shoulder as a sign of encouragement and I stood up.

"I'm really sorry. I mean it this time. I didn't mean to snap, but it's just... these drugs that you're trying to take from me... I rely on them. It's like my life starts crashing when I don't have a spliff, or- or some coke, or even just a cigarette! The only time I function, and i'm not angry.. is when I have these things in my system being my internal support. And I want to change that.. I truly do. But it feels impossible, because its like a vicious cycle I cant get myself out of. I want help, I need help. But I can't stop." 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ohhhhh.. it feels so good to be back. 

I actually loved writing this chapter, but im not sure what to do for the next one? should it be happy, sad, just normal? i dunno LOL