5150

First Day

Mayas pov

"This is the cafeteria, you'll be eating most of your meals in here." The man says as he gives me a tour of the facility. He's acting like I had any idea I was going here. "Here's your room." He says pushing open an old wooden door. Inside the room is one twin bed, a window that's bolted shut, and a old desk. I put my bag down on the dirty carpet, looking around at what's going to be my home for a little.

"I'll let you unpack, someone will be by to bring you and the other patients to group therapy in a little bit." He says before leaving. This place is a fucking prison. Everything in here is safety proofed, no sharp corners, no shoelaces, no locks on doors. I feel like a fucking child.

Someone bursts into my room as a put my last few things away. "Maya you can't have the door fully closed until we know you're safe in here." The woman's says. "When's that?" I reply. "Couple days. Until you adjust to living here we can't risk it." She says. I sigh. "We're meeting for group, come on." She says waving me through the door and down the hall.

I feel like I'm back at home with my dad. Every single move I make is monitored or chosen for me. I sit in a hard plastic chair in a circle with a couple other people my age. Some look worse than others.

"We're all going to introduce ourselves, just say your name and why you're here." The man says. I watch as everyone goes around, and then it's my turn. "Im Maya, I don't know why I'm here." I say quietly. "Maya, you do know why you're here." He replies. I sigh, "I couldn't take care of myself anymore." I say even quieter. That's the reason he told me at least, I don't think it's true.

I think I'm here because Carina is so controlling. She wants everyone to go to therapy, and everyone to be perfect when in reality it's not that simple. She doesn't understand.

We talk for a little bit about coping mechanisms or whatever, I couldn't care. I just want to figure out how to get out of here. "We have visiting hours later, your family and friends can come but only 2 at a time. If you want us to call someone to invite them, come to the desk."

I walk back to my room, sitting on the squeaky bed with a book. I just need something to occupy the time. "Maya you have a visitor." Someone says. "Who is it?" I ask, putting my book down. "Your wife, Carina." The woman replies. "Tell her I don't want to see her." I say back, going back to my book.

"Maya she drove an hour to come see you."the doctor adds. " I don't want to see her." I repeat. "Okay" the woman says, heading back down the hall.

Carinas pov

"I'm sorry Dr. DeLuca, Maya isn't up for visitors right now." The nurse says to me. "She is, but not up to see me, right?" I add. The nurse says nothing, I know the answer. "Can you at least give this to her?" I say, handing them a handwritten letter. "Yes I can" she replies.

I head out of the building in tears. I knew this was going to happen, I knew she wouldn't want to see me yet. Why did I even come out?

I head back home with teary eyes, listening to whatever radio station reminds me the least of Maya. I hope she'll read the letter.

Mayas pov

"Maya this is for you." The woman says, returning with a letter. "Who's it from?" I reply. "Your wife." She says. I place it on my desk, and get back into bed.

I can't read it, not now. I want to, but I don't want to cry. I can't handle crying anymore. "Dinner is in an hour" the woman adds before leaving.

The next day

I wake up at the crack of dawn to someone taking my vitals. "Sorry, this happens every morning." The nurse adds. "I dropped off your schedule, it's the yellow paper on your desk." She says. I'm too tied to answer.

I eventually fell back asleep for a few hours, but was woken up by a knock at the door. "Maya you have to go to therapy. The man says. I roll out of bed, and grab the stack of papers on my desk, brining them with me.

I don't want to go to therapy. I don't want to be here. I want to be at home, working, running, with.. no. Not carina. I can't forgive her for doing this to me. The sweatshirt I put on smells like her shampoo. The lavender scent is calming me down a little, not because it's her but because it's lavender.

"Hi Maya! I'm Jane, I'm going to be your therapist while your here. You can sit wherever you want, I have a lot of things you can do while you talk too. If you want anything don't be afraid to ask!" She says, before sitting at her desk.

"Is there anything you wanted to talk about today?" She says, I nod my head no, putting the papers in my hand down on the table.

"Who's this from?" She says, digging out the letter. "My wife." I reply. "It's not opened?" She adds. "I don't want to read it." I reply. "Why are you carrying it around with you?" She asks. "I don't know." I reply. "Why didn't you throw it out if you didn't want to read it?" She adds. "I couldn't. I.. I miss her." I reply.

"Why don't we read it together?" She says. "I.." I start but she cuts me off. "Maya, we can stop whenever. I just think you need a little love from home. Maybe some words of encouragement?" She says. I nod, letting her open the letter.