5150

You've become my ceiling.

Mayas pov

I wake up early, not quite sure what to do with myself. I can't work, I don't want to run, I just want to be with carina. She asked to talk today, but I'm sure she's not up yet.

I do my laundry, and write in my journal, before making myself some breakfast. It's not much, but it's all I can do to occupy myself. While I'm eating I get a text from Carina, "can I come over to talk?" It reads. "Yes, anytime" I reply almost instantly.

I can feel my heart rate speed up at the thought of talking to her. She's staying at amelia's, which is only a 5 minute drive up the road. I anxiously wait for her by the door. The second she knocks I open it. "Hi" I say. "Hi" she replies. "Can I come in?" She asks, "yeah of course" I reply. Our conversation is almost awkward.

She sets her purse down, and takes her shoes off before sitting on the couch. I sit on the other side and face her. "Bambina I don't even know where to start." She says, pushing her glasses back up her face. She almost never wears her glasses, so she's either been crying, she's hungover, or both.

"Carina I want you back. I want you to move back in, I want to wake up with you and fall asleep with you. I want to show you I've changed for the better." I say without thinking first. I sound so needy. "Maya..." she starts, she's choking back tears.

"I can't just jump back into this. I need to protect myself because I can't get hurt again." She says. I bite my lip to stop a tear from falling. "I love you, and I want us back but I can't just forget about what happened that night at the hospital." She adds.

"Carina I would never try to hurt you, I am getting better. I want us back, and I'm ready to fight for it." I say. "It doesn't matter that you wouldn't try to hurt me, it's that you did. So many times. And I can't just forgive you right away." She replies.

"Carina I was psychotic in the hospital, I don't remember a single thing I said. I don't know how to win you back, when I don't know what I'm fixing." I say, the tears I was holding back start to flow. "Can you tell me what happened?" I add, reaching out to grab her hand. She grabs my hand, squeezing it tight. I missed the feeling of her skin on mine.

"I 5150'd you, and you screamed at me that I didn't care about you, that all I wanted to do was control you. Then you said that's what I did with my brother and that's why he died. I tried to leave, but you told me that if I left we were over. I told you I'd rather be apart from you then have you dead." She says. She takes a moment to catch her breath before continuing.

"I stood outside your room for maybe an hour, just listening to you scream for me, and cry hysterically. You weren't yourself and it was the most painful thing I've ever had to see." She adds. I can't help but cry at the things I said to her. If she said that to me, I'd be done. I can't believe she stuck by me through that.

"Carina I..." I start but she cuts me off. "Maya you left me alone for months before that night. You wouldn't speak to me, you wouldn't look at me, you wouldn't answer my messages. I can't just let that go, even if you are getting better." She says.

I don't know what to say. I don't know if there is anything for me to say, anything that would make it better. "Can I hold you?" I ask, as her body shakes form how hard she's crying. She nods her head, and I move over on the couch. I wrap my arms around her body, holding her tight as she cries into my chest.

I run my fingers through her hair, "I'm so sorry Carina. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. You were trying to help me, and I wasn't listening. I'm sorry for everything I said to you. I'm sorry for ignoring you for months, and I'm sorry for putting you in a position where you had to make a tough decision. You never deserved to be treated that way." I whisper to her as I rub her back.

"I'm going to win you back. Even if it takes 10 years. I'd spend the rest of my life trying to win you back, because you are the best thing that's ever happened to me." I add. She continues to cry, and I keep my strong hold on her. Eventually she stops, but only when she fell asleep.

I decide to let her sleep for a little, she probably needs it. Besides, having her in my arms is calming me down. I don't want to lose her. I want her back. I don't know how to make up for the past year.

After about a half hour, I gently wake her up. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to.." she starts but I cut her off. "It's okay." I reply.

"Maya I think I need some space. I don't want to be away from you, but I think if I don't take some time, we'll rush back into things." She says, her head still resting on my chest. "Okay, how long?" I reply, running my fingers through her hair. "I don't know" she replies, sitting up.

"I think we'll both know when we're ready to try again. But for now, I'm sorry Maya. I have to leave. If I don't leave now, I never will." She says.

I nod my head. "Goodbye Carina." I say, "bye Maya" she replies, grabbing her stuff and heading out.