dreamnap : thoughts u won't say aloud

5:: you don't owe it, really

:fall asleep on my shoulder, breathe out while i hold you
(all we ever do is talk, del water gap)

•••••

"how can i tell if i like a guy?" dream desperately asked his younger sister. her jaw dropped at his words. "what?" she asked him, as if she didn't believe him.

"you like a guy? really? are you sure you're not playing a prank on me?" she questioned him over and over again. dream chuckled lightly, trying to distract himself from his racing heart.

he walked into her room and shut the door so their mother couldn't over hear. "i don't want to have to repeat myself." he said, embarrassed. drista smiled at her brother. she ran up to him to wrap her arms around him in a tight hug.

dream smiled softly, and wrapped his arms around her as well. she moved away from him to see his face properly. "is it sapnap?" she asked. dream shrugged. "i came to you because honestly, i don't know!" he explained.

she walked over to her bed and patted down a spot. "come on! sit down so we can discuss this very important historical event!"

dream complied to his sisters demands and sat down on the spot she reserved for him. "so, how do i tell?" he wanted a straight forward answer out of her, but he knew well he wouldn't get that.

"can alyssa come over? she can help me phrase it and she would know more than me about you and sapnap." drista asked him. he sighed. "i'll see if she's busy."

he pulled his phone out of him pocket but got quickly distracted by sapnap texting him something. he tapped the screen to see sapnap had sent him a picture of his outfit with a message.

'imessage 6:19pm
pandas

i'm drippy aren't i!!'

there dream was again, staring at a photo of sapnap in complete awe. he can't help that he finds sapnap so pretty. he shook his head to make himself stop thinking of sapnap.

but he can't help it, his mind immediately goes back to the boy. drista bent over to see what was on dreams phone. she chuckled when she saw it was another photo of sapnap.

"you find him so pretty, don't you?" she asked him. dream looked up at her and sighed. "whatever." he said as he got off of sapnaps contact.

he tapped on alyssa contact and texted her, asking if she was busy or not. he put his phone down and gave his attention back to his sister. "so?" he asked her. she cleared her throat.

"this is going to sound like super weird and i don't mean it in a weird way but it's how it's going to come off," she clarified. dream nodded, desperate for answers at this point.

"when you think of you getting, like down and despicable, do you imagine a girl or a guy?" she asked him. dream froze up at the question. "what are you saying!" he yelled at her. she threw her hands up in defense. "that is not my fault!"

he sighed as he began to think about it.

but he honestly couldn't tell who he imagined.

"i—i don't know..." he mumbled. she nodded. "you don't have to know. that's the fun part of life; you don't need to figure it all out now, you don't need to label how you feel, you don't owe yourself that information. you could go fifty years not understanding if you like guys, but that would be fine because you don't have to know why you feel different," she told him. "you can just be."