Vacillate

10: Lonliness (Emi)

10: Lonliness

I felt like shit. I knew that Riku knew I was full of shit. He dropped me off as if it was normal, but
I still felt awful. Why am I not telling him about Yuuto? He told me all of his personal business involving Ayame. At this point I am no better than Yuuto.

I was pondering in my thoughts until I heard the apartment door opening. I looked at the clock and saw it was two in the morning. I was laying in the darkness for a while just debating my choices.

"Babe...?" I heard Yuuto's voice.

"Hey!" I sat up, turned on the lamp and saw him approaching. He went to lay down next to me.

"Man I am tired."  His hair was a mess and he looked like he just jumped in a mosh pit.

"How was it?" I asked staring at his closed eyes state.

"Pretty good. The next performance will be next weekend. You should come."

I noticed some red marks on his neck. Hickeys? I felt a crumble in my chest and a hard stone in my throat.

"Who did you go with? Just Touma?"

He glared at me from the side and quickly grabbed my neck pinning me to the headboard.

"What is your fucking problem?" He said menacingly.

"Nothing." I said horrified. He has never done this to me before.

"You question me so much. What the fuck have you been doing? Screwing other guys?" He stared me down.

"No, never." I held my breath.

"I can kick you out at any moment. If I want to bring others with me I can. You understand?" His grip tightened and I choked a little. I nodded out of panic and he finally releases. I took a huge exhale.

"You know what. I think I'll stay with Touma for an extra week and you can be here and think about how dumb of a bitch you are. Maybe we just need a little bit more time apart."

I couldn't explain how sad, terrified, and relieved to hear that statement. I was sad because I know I will miss his company, scared that I couldn't handle the loneliness, and relieved because a sick part of me thought this could be more time with Riku.

Riku.....

Why do I even think of him? I love Yuuto. Ayame loves Riku. They belong together. I just like the idea of him not him. I keep saying those things to myself.

I watched as Yuuto stood up to go. I quickly got up and rushed towards him to grab his shirt.

"Yuuto please!" I said as I felt a rush of force push me against the wall hard. My head felt the impact first as I fell on the floor.

"Get the hell off me!" He glared.

"Why did we fall apart? Didn't you say you will make me the happiest? What happened?!" I yelled out of frustration. 

"You're a loser!" He screamed back. "I do everything around here and yet you still accuse me all the time! Why are you so fucking insecure for? Have you ever seen me cheat on you?! It's like I can't have any female friends or you flip shit! You aren't a saint either! I bet you talk to so many guys!"

"Why can't we work this out?!" I slowly stood up and approached him.

"Take off your clothes then." He said.

"What?" I knew where this was leading. I didn't want to, but if this keeps him from going then I should just do it. I mean couples do it all the time. It's normal right?

-

The next day at work I felt like shit. Even after offering myself up he still suggested we take some time apart.

"Hey you okay?" Ayame saw me and went up to me.

"I'm fine."

"Girl, your neck." She held out a compact mirror and I saw some bruising on my neck from where Yuuto gripped.

"He isn't abusing you is he?" She asked with worry.

I contemplated what I should say. I didn't want anyone to know my business. They don't know Yuuto like I do and will assume he is always like this when he isn't.

"No...I like that stuff. If you get me." I lied. I could feel the bump and pain on the back of my head as I lied through my teeth.

"Oh you're a naughty girl aren't you." She winked. "Here is some foundation and concealer. I always carry these." She hands them over to me.

-

I went to the bathroom to cover my neck. It wasn't that bad. Very mild bruising. I looked like a mess in my eyes. I felt like a terrible person. Ayame is so precious and I am not telling her of what I was doing this weekend. I felt a tear spilling as I quickly wiped it away. I grabbed the makeup and quickly rushed out the door only to bump into Riku.

"Hey, you okay?" He looked concerned. He probably could tell I wasn't feeling so great.

"I'm okay."

"Sorry about the other night when I said what I said. I guess I just get annoyed when I know someone is not telling me everything."

"It's okay. You already know why I make you drop me a block from my house." I didn't even know how he would know if he drives off before I even start walking. Unless he watches me.

"Your dad?" He said.

"Yeah. Do you watch me?"

"I pretend to drive off but yes I make sure you get home safely. If you went missing I would have been the last to see you and get in trouble."

"I'm sorry." I could feel the tears coming as they drip down my face.

Riku looked a bit panicked. He normally looks pretty calm, but I guess he didn't know how to handle people crying.

"Hey hey I'm sorry." He grabbed my arm and pushed me back into the bathroom with him and locked the door.

My heart was bumping fast not knowing what he was going to do next.

To Be Continued