Vacillate

26: Wishes (Riku)

26: Wishes

"Some girl has got you whipped?" My grandfather said.

"Yeah."

"Let me guess, Emi? Just like your Emi?" He smiled.

"I guess."

"Why do you seem to unhappy?"

"She had someone this whole time. At first I didn't like her like that. Then I thought I only liked her because she had the same name as Emi and was pleasant to be around. Then finally I realized I like her because she wasn't like Emi. She was her own person with speckles of Emi. I just felt hurt when I had to find out she had someone this whole time."

"Did she tell you why she didn't tell you?" He said.

"She didn't think she felt that way about me. I guess she didn't think she could leave since her boyfriend was abusive. Am I a bad person to let her just be with him?"

"Depends, do you think you can save her?"

The short answer was yes. I know I can save her because she saved me.

-

The car ride was silent. I knew my grandfather would die tonight since his heart rate has been slowing down. I just felt I had to let him see Emi one last time so he knows who I have grown fond of.

When we got there he couldn't speak. He was fighting to hold on a tad longer to see me. We both held his hand as the heart monitor flat lined. Emi cried and cried even though she had only talked to him once. It felt like she was crying for the both of us.

I had a poker face on the whole time trying not to lose it. Watching Emi cry made me fall in love with her. With how much emotion she must have. She had so many tears and kept producing more for those she barely knew. I'm sure she gave me a fair share of them.

-

We sat in the car after the whole ordeal. She was slowly calming down.

"I'm so sad, I should have talked and visited him." She said.

"It's okay. He wasn't really involved with the store by the time you came."

"Riku, can I ask something?" She said.

"Mhm."

"How can you not break a tear? How can you hold it in like that? I know you guys must have been close. Aren't you sad at all?"

"Of course I am." I said looking out the driver's window.

"How can you not shed a tear? I don't know if I should be amazed or just hurt for you...I know you aren't heartless. I know it. I saw you cry. I wish I can take all the pain away for you. You must be hurting so much.."

"I'm fine....things happen." I said calmly.

"It's okay to let it out. It's okay to be weak for that moment. It's an honor for the person you're weak for. It shows how big of an impact they had on your life for you to break down like that. Your girlfriend Emi deserved that. Your grandfather does too. I know she didn't cheat on you. She just didn't want you to feel tied down to her and be depressed. However, she made it worse only by doing that, but she was young and sick. It doesn't matter how frustrating it is, you should have known. However, don't let that haunt you. I can see why she loves you so much. You're so important and so kind. You try to save everyone, but maybe you need someone to save you..."

I clenched my jaw. I felt myself trying to catch my breath as I felt the heated wet liquids fall from my bloodshot eyes. I started choking on sobs.

"You're right I'm so sad, I've been so fucking sad for so long. My stupid teenage self let my emotions get the best of me. I have this pride that I can't be sad. I am so sad my Ki is gone because he was all I had left. I have been sad every single day until I met you. All the times we've spent were like treasures to me. I had more fun with you than I did with anyone including my Emi. So when I found out about your boyfriend I was shattered. The final and only piece of my happiness wasn't mine. But I don't want to torture myself with having feelings if you are still with someone."

She got out the car and walked over to the driver's side. She tried to tug me out like I did to her that one time and hugged me tightly.

"I'm so sorry for what I've done. I told Yuuto that I wanted to end our relationship. He kept asking me to rethink my decision, but I didn't. Riku I know it's too soon to say it, but I love you so much. I love the person you are, and most importantly I love the version of me I am when I am around you. I thought of you every single day since we stopped talking. I don't expect you to give me a chance, but just know I am really really sorry."

I didn't know what this feeling was. A warm feeling surging through my body. I haven't heard someone tell me that love me in so long. Love in a romantic sense wasn't common for me.

"I forgive you, and if you mean what you said, I don't mind taking it slow and seeing what happens."

She looked up at me. Her eyes were glassy.

"Really? You mean it?" She asked very cutely.

"Yes. Could I kiss you?" I asked which I knew was very lame.

"Yes, you don't have to ask." She giggled and blushed.

I leaned into her and felt her soft lips on mine. They were warm and salty from out tears. I felt so at ease having her in my arms. I prayed in my head that the world will finally let us be.

To Be Continued