Atelophobia (TW soulmate AU)

Chapter 36: So, What does the future hold for us?

Trigger Warning: Mentions of parental death and attempted suicide

~ A couple years later~

*Stiles*

Peter and I have been together for three years now and the only think different from when we started dating was that I moved into the Hale house full time so my dad and Chris could have the house to themselves.

God Peter must hate me or maybe resent me. I know he's wanted to move this whole thing along for a while but I could never get myself to do so. I still haven't told him about my own anxieties and concerns surrounding the idea of a mate bond. 

I owe it to him to have this conversation. So he can fully understand my hang ups. The reason as to why I'm worried. 

"Good Morning." Peter hummed rolling over and pulling me to him. 

Stuck in my head for hours, unable to fully sleep after waking with a start for an unknown reason. 

"Morning." I whispered back.

Not my normal response and I know he's aware of my emotional state when he squeezes me tighter and just snuffles my neck. A low sleepy whine leaves his mouth. Peter is more wolf like than human when he's super tired so he gives into his instincts more. 

"What's wrong?"

"How much do you hate me?"

"Not at all. Kit, why would I hate you?"

"We've been together for three years and nothing has changed nor have we made any moves to move forward."

"You're talking about bonding?"

"Mmmhmm." I hummed glad that my back was to him. 

I'm sure I'd just be a bawling mess if I had to see the emotions in his eyes. 

"Stiles, kit, I want you to listen closely. I love you. I will always love you. The pace of our relationship isn't going to change that. Would I like to understand your thoughts and feelings surrounding the mate bond? Absolutely. Will I push for answers? No. I understand that it is something you have a hard time expressing . I'm also aware it has something to do with how you initially reacted when I first told you about Paige and Ennis. Your comment about a hole that gets left behind."

You can do this Stiles. You can open up completely with your mate. He's been patient about it this long. He deserves to know. Everything.

"I want to move forward with cementing our bond, but I'm nervous." 

"And why is that?"

"Because of what happened with my parents. You got to experience the healthy side/effects of the mate bond. I didn't. Sure I might've gotten to witness it when I was little, but I don't remember. The first experience with the bond that I can remember was from when I was four. My mother's disease started to progress quickly. My dad started to spend more tie at the station. If he was home he was pretending. When he wasn't home, my mother swore I was trying to kill her. Their bond Egan to shatter. I relieved the scars. Then my dad decided to put mom in the hospital. I spent six years watching her die with hatred in her eyes and my dad become an empty shell along with her. When she was gone, I became the parent. I was cleaning the house. Taking care of myself and my father as he tried to either burry himself in his job or drown himself with whiskey and a gun to his head. I was 12 when I had to wrestle the gun from his hand the first time. It was also the moment I decided I wasn't going to find my mate because I didn't want to put them through the pain of me dying."