Atelophobia (TW soulmate AU)

Chapter 39: Interlude XII part 1

Trigger Warning: Mentions of/alludes to familial loss (child loss), depression, and dark thoughts. 

*Noah*

Coming home to an empty house is a feeling I was hoping to never experience. Now, I know Stiles can't live at home forever. I'm actually really happy that he moved in with his mate and his pack. He'll be surrounded by people who deserve him. I sure as hell don't. 

Being a shit father is what I'm good at apparently. My reaction to losing Claudia pushed Stiles in a direction I hoped he didn't have to worry about. He had been dead set on never finding his soulmate. On being alone, incomplete. And I did that to him. 

Me! His father! Who is supposed to teach him things in life. But instead, he had to raise himself and worry about me. How I was coping after losing Claudia.  Hell, I even pushed him away when Chris came into my life. 

My second chance. 

My savior. 

Doing my best to ignore my thoughts. I shut the front door behind me, flicking on the light. Carefully I remove my gun and set the files down. 

What? I need something to distract me from the memories. 

I walked over to the living room lowering myself into the recliner with a sigh. I just need a few moments before I throw myself back into my work. I shut my eyes and tilted my head back. 

~Flashback~

"Noah." my wife called from the hallway. 

I turned off the television and walked towards her. She was crying and yet smiling. 

"Is everything alright, Dear?"

"Everything is perfect."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because I'm so happy. Noah, we're going to be parents." 

"You're pregnant?!"

She nodded.

I pulled her into a tight hug. We've been trying to grow our family for years. There've been a few angel babies. Claudia and I had resigned to the fact that we might not be able to have our own children, but we were open to giving a child or children a good home. 

This. This right here is our Rainbow baby.

We will be on top of all the doctor's appointments and whatever else we need to do to get this baby to term. To keep us from going down the depression hole and wallowing. To keep Claudia from going through that trauma yet again. 

"We're going to be parents, Baby." I smiled through my own tears holding her face in my hands. 

Finally, the Goddess is smiling down on us. 

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"Noah, why are you so nervous? You're not the one who's going to give birth." 

"You are doing the hard part." I agreed, "I'm worried I'm not going to be a good dad." 

"You won't be a good one."

I looked at my wife stunned making sure I heard her correctly. 

"You'll be a great one." she giggled. 

"Thank you for the minor heart attack." I sighed glaring at her though it had no heat behind it. 

We got this.

Just one more week and our little bundle of joy will be here. 

Our Rainbow baby. 

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"Mischief!" Claudia squealed from the bathroom. 

Giving our son a bath seems to be the hardest part of raising him. He's not a fan of it. We recently learned that he has ADHD and the inability to sit still. So much goes through his head. He has so much energy and he hasn't learned how to "healthily" get it out. 

"Mieczyslaw." she said sterner.

I heard the splashing of water stop. I shook my head chuckling to myself. 

Our son. 

Mieczyslaw Genim Stilinski

Named after both our fathers. We wanted to honor them. His nickname is Mischief because of how mischievous he can be and that's what he started babbling when we talked to him. Claudia thought it was cute. 

Little feet began running down the hallway. Quickly I crouched down catching Mischief and swinging him up in the air causing him to squeal with laughter. 

"Slow down kiddo. Where do you think you were going?"

"Bed?"

"Well in that case you got to turn around." 

He pouted. He was definitely heading for the door. Claudia lovingly calls him a Nymph. He always seems at home in nature. 

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We got some bad news today. Claudia is sick. She has a mental illness. Something called Frontal temporal dementia (FTD). God, it's like the universe is laughing at us. We've both had hard lives. Had to fight to where we are in different ways. Then we struggled to grow our family. 

We finally thought the Goddess had gifted us with a break from the struggle with our Rainbow baby. Our son.  Now the Goddess knocks us back down like we didn't already know not to take everything for granted. 

"Noah, Sweetheart, talk to me."

I glanced at my beautifully strong wife. 

"I'm angry. Everything was going well and then we got your diagnosis. What are we going to do without you, Clauds?"

"Don't think like that for starters. You should know that the Goddess always has a plan even if we don't understand the path she takes. Secondly, you don't know that the treatments won't work."

"We don't know if they will work."

"So we try them, Noah. Then we take everything else step by step and we'll see what happens." 

I gave her a sad smile before pulling her into an embrace. I need to make sure I can get as many of these as I can. Who knows how much longer I'll have her in my life? 

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She's gone. 

Claudia is gone and I'm left with this spastic kid who acts out. Who looks so much like his mother that it hurts the more I look at him. So to save my heart a small amount of pain I work. It's a great distraction. Taking on extra shifts. Gaining a new job/promotion. 

From Deputy to Sheriff. The busier I stay, the better I'll be. Less time to think about what I lost.

~end flashback~