rewrite of "everything i wanted"
part 1 - it's time to go
that old familiar body ache
the snaps from the same little breaks
in your soul , you know
when it's time to go
part 2 - the great war
always remember
tears on the letters
i vowed not to cry...
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⋆ ୨ ♡ ୧ ⋆
"W-WHY? IS EVERYTHING okay?" garcia asked with worry present in her voice. "please, don't worry," leah reassured her, grabbing her wrists gently. "it's okay, i'm just really, really nervous to be here. this has been my dream for half of my life and...i guess i've just lost so much that i'm scared i'm going to mess up and lose this, too."
garcia just looked at her sadly and pulled her into a hug. it was weird, as leah seemed to realize a pattern was occurring once more- hugging and entrusting people she had just met, who all so happened to be a part of the behavioral analysis unit.
"hey," garcia pulled away. "you're here for a reason. if hotch thinks you belong here, then you belong here. i've heard about what you did- pushing him out of the way so he wouldn't get hurt and taking the bullet for him? that's bravery, gray. you need a ton of it to be on this team. so never, never doubt for a second that you belong here and that you'll succeed. you do, and you will." all leah did was smile at her.
"hey, gray," hotch knocked on the door to the lair. "you haven't met rossi yet, have you? i can take you to meet him now."
"oh, sure," she stood up. "i'll see you later, garcia." "i'll miss you endlessly," garcia joked. leah laughed, then stood up and began following hotch to rossi's office.
hotch knocked twice before entering the office, seeing rossi pick his head up from the book he was reading. "agent rossi," hotch started. "this is our new agent, ssa leah gray." when rossi didn't say anything, leah spoke up. "it's a pleasure to meet you, agent rossi, i've read all of your books-"
"if you don't mind, i'm kind of in the middle of something," rossi cut leah off. this upset leah, but she refused to show it. she looked over to hotch, who displayed a look of confusion on his face. he led her out of the office without saying another word. "did i do something wrong?"
"no, david's just like this sometimes," hotch replied. "don't worry, he'll warm up to you eventually." "if you say so," leah responded, looking at his office from afar. hotch then showed leah to her very own desk, sat in between spencer and emily's desks, with derek sitting directly in front of her. she sat down and started her paperwork. with the occasional conversations with the members of the team, her and emily became fast friends. after their little interaction earlier, leah quickly recovered from her flusteredness and was able to talk to emily confidently. emily was really glad to have another girl around. derek morgan was glad too.
"alright, i'm heading to the break room," leah stood up with a sigh, stretching her arms and legs. it had been a few hours now, with the time on the clock reading 4:12pm. "anyone want anything?"
it was almost time to go home, so most of them declined. spencer, however, raised his hand slowly. "you know what, i'll just come with-"
"no, spence, please. after watching how you made your coffee earlier, i'm sure i'll know how to make yours."
she grabbed a very small cup of coffee for herself, just enough caffeine to help her through the walk home she would be making in just two hours. she makes spencer's coffee with 6 sugar packets, and before leaving, grabs a quick coffee cake for david rossi, whom she was determined to get to at least acknowledge her before she left for the night.
she walked back to her desk, setting her own coffee down and handing spencer his, which he thanked her gratefully for, earning a few unnecessary remarks coming from morgan, joking about how he's been replaced as the favorite of the team. "you're a child, you know that?" leah smirked at him, then made her way to rossi's office.
she knocked a few times on david rossi's office door, which was now closed shut. when she heard a muffled "come in," she opened the door and gave him a half-smile. "hello, agent rossi," leah said, he looked up at her, unamused. "i-uh, i brought this for you. i didn't know what you liked so, i just grabbed the most basic thing." rossi grabbed the pastry wrapped in a napkin from her hand and placed it on his desk, not saying a word.
of course leah was saddened once more, but she wasn't going to let this man ruin her day.
"excuse me, sir, but, did i do something wrong?" leah's voice was laced with a stirring rage. david looked up at her, still staying silent. "it' just, you were kind of rude earlier when i first introduced myself, and you were rude now, not even paying me any mind or even thanking me for the cake i got you. i just need to know if i did something, because i don't think i deserve any of it. i'm a part of this team now whether you like it or not, so you might as well get used to it now and drop whatever happened to made you want to pretend like i don't exist."
silence filled the air. leah could see the expression on his face had changed from still blank to a surprised look, he wasn't expecting this. "i'm...sorry."
leah didn't respond, just looked at him waiting for him to go on. honestly, this caught her by surprise as well. "if i'm being honest, you just kind of, i don't know, scare me. i thought i had time to prepare for this but i guess hotch hired you early, huh?"
leah's face slowly turned into a look of confusion as the words left his mouth, and nodded slowly as she made eye contact with him. "i-i'm sorry, 'scare you?'"
"you took a bullet for hotch, kid. you could have gotten really hurt, even killed. why'd you do it?" she responded with no hesitation. "hotch didn't deserve to die. i saw anger in porter's eyes and i knew what he was going to do. i'd do anything for hotch." leah sensed a lesson coming along.
"that's what scares me about you. look, kid, it's amazing that you did that for hotch, i have the feeling you' do that for anyone, even some stranger you've never seen before. but being a part of this team means realizing that your life is just as important as the ones we save. i can tell you're selfless, but try to be a little selfish sometimes, okay? look out for yourself and your health first. like it or not, this team needs you more than any of those strangers."
leah was at a loss for words. "and, again," rossi went on. "i'm sorry for earlier. how about tomorrow you can come in a little early and we can get some coffee and talk. i'd love to get to know more about you, with you joining the team and all. we'll invite hotch, too."
