MY TULIP

chapter three (micah's decision.)

later that evening i went to a bar with Denis to have a couple drinks, we sit down by the bar and order beer as we chat about life and everything that's going on

"it has always been like this hasn't it?"
says denis suddenly after a long chatter.

"what do you mean?"

"i mean life."

"Ah .. well yeah i don't know anymore denis if you want me to be honest things never been settle as you see everything is crazy and that's who we are."

D:"i know brother, i know cheers to that."

i walk home kinda tipsy and drunk
i reach the door as simon opens

"welcome home sir"

i walk in all the lights are off everything is dark

"why is it so dark simon?"

lights open up as mother reaches to me with a cake

"Happy birthday mici"

i kiss her in the forhead:

"thank you mother."

seeing my mom giving me attention even if it's so little makes me feel ease as if something really heavy on me is lifted,
Sevin also aproches and gives me a hug

"happy birthday"

later on by 8:30 i get a call from Alina

"hey mica."

"Hey."

A: "remember the thing i told you i wanna talk about?"

"yes i do."

A: "can we do it now..?"

"yes sure of course."

A: "ill come to pick you up by 9:00."

"okay."

i walk out see her with her car waiting inside while smoking her pod,
i go inside:

"hey cutie."

took her a moment to reply and say hi
i felt her coldness coming back i felt something bad is about to happen
or maybe i did something she didn't like
maybe? i don't know
she drives away a couple mile we bring coffee to drink
she plays my music
she turned down the volume

"mica."

"yes"

"i'm sorry"

"for what?"

A: "i don't think this will work between us and i can't even stand looking at your face
it's not you it's me i'm the problem i can't just settle down with one guy
and i don't love you anymore."

"what do you mean al?"
i say chuckling thinking it's a prank of some sort.

"what's wrong did i do something to bother you?"

A:"no mica you don't understand i'm not made for love and i can't think of a way to fix this because i know i'll hurt you more."

"Al we have dreams together,
remember we said we gonna live together you gave me that dream yourself
you said we even gonna bring denis with us
what happened?"

A: "nothing mica i just can't love you the same way you love me, like never
you're too much."

"Al!"
i call her name as i feel a huge pain inside my chest

A: "don't mica please this is not how i wanted things to be this was a mistake."

" none of it was or is a mistake we are bestfriends and lovers i know you love me i
love you too stop this crap "

A:"mica.."

"al please don't do this you don't have to you're making a huge mistake"

A:"mica i never loved you."
she says aggressively

"....what?")

A:"let's not see each other anymore"

"Al i'm your bestfriend!"

"no one is my real bestfriend besides nico and i used you so could get over him,
im sorry okay?"

"nico" is her abusive ex boyfriend which was really manipulative and made her a ring around his finger, he cheated on her many times yet she was chasing him till she met me.

i sit there beside her silently for a moment rethinking my life decisions and thought that i have been betrayed again once again someone lied and deceived me and this time it's my bestfriend..
i couldn't help myself and got lost in my thoughts a tear came down my cheek as i turned to her:

"why? why did you lie and said you did?
what have i ever done to you to deserve this after you knew how hurt i was
you said you were over him and gave me a dream! you told me you loved me!"

"shut up just shut up when will you learn to shut up mica that's your mistake you always give too much learn to give it to yourself" she says shouting

"how can i give it to myself when i am always the problem?
when i'm the one who's never enough?"

"mica get out of my car"

"no i wont unless we fix this i don't wanna lose my bestfriend"

she looks at the sky from her car window:
"goddd please just get me out of here and put him away"

"why?? you hate me that much?"

"i just.. wish that you were dead"

i stay there silently and decided to get out.

"thank god, she said as if she was relieved
and drives right away.

i walk there on the street thinking my own bestfriend just wished that i was dead..

i walk home as i feel pieces of me falling with every step i take
all i could hear was her voice and words inside my head, all those lines filled with cruelty..
all i could say to myself was
why?
why me?

i reach home as the guards open the gate i walk towards the house there's guests probably my moms side of the family

i didn't say hi and went upstairs right away.

"sir? sir! wait.." says simon following me upstairs i close the door i crash behind it i feel this huge headache,
i can't feel anything but the tears coming down my face and the disappointment i felt after everything..
i can't help it but laugh
laughing while tearing down
as i hear simon with the maids knocking on my door

"master, please could you open the door your mother has guest and we only want to check on you! master, sir!"

i put it on some music and i suddenly felt dizzy as i lay on the bed slowly everything faints
   ***
                               {Morning}

i wake up in the morning opened the door i see a maid waiting it was lisa one of the maids.

"master! are you okay? are you doing well? what happened everyone is worried"

i feel pain in my throat as i speak my voice couldn't come out
" i'm fine, how's mother? "

"she's been worried and angry since last night she asked too much for you but since you locked your door.."

"that's alright i'll talk to her myself thank you lisa"

after that day i was never the same again and decided to never trusted anyone ,
my soul was lost in a place i couldn't find like a glass braking and shattering every day,
decided to never share myself again
to be unreachable, untouchable, uninterested
because who is there to be enough courage to handle my love?
who deserves me?
i can't find comfort anywhere not even in the house anymore
what is home?

taking a long way through my career this for me.. was just the beginning.