Aziraphale & Crowley: An Ineffable Love Story

When Angels cause Pain

A.Z Fell & Co.
Few Hours Prior

Aziraphale sat in disbelief. Watching Crowley leave his bookshop felt unfathomable. Surely, it wasn't the first time Crowley stormed off through his doors. It had actually become an expected occurrence over the years.

Actually, Aziraphale secretly enjoyed poking at Crowley for three reasons. Firstly, he found that Crowley would make the cutest faces when angry. Secondly, Crowley's apologies were usually followed by delicious food and lots of wine. They would have the best conversations during their hush-out sessions. And thirdly, it acted as a reminder that Crowley experienced feelings, just as he did. Crowley was just better at concealing them.

Hence, Aziraphale was devastated that he pushed Crowley away, with no explanation nonetheless. He knew that his words pierced Crowley's heart. However, he could do nothing about it, other than observing him walk away.

"Don't bother"

Crowley's last words were replaying in his mind. He begged the heavens for them not to be the final words he ever heard from Crowley. A sensation of fear crossed his spine because he couldn't bear the everlasting absence of his beloved demon.

"Aziraphale" Metatron's voice brought his mind to the present. "I know you do not see it now, but it is for the best."

However, no amount of cliché comforting words would soften Aziraphale's aching heart. He also wasn't particularly happy with the fact that Megatron had remained hidden in his shop during his conversation with Crowley. He had clearly asked him to wait outside. Part of him felt uneasy that the Metatron had witnessed his kiss with Crowley. A long-anticipated kiss that occurred at the worst possible time. All he wished at that moment was to fully embrace Crowley's lips and pull Crowley's waist closer to him. But alas, he barely allowed himself only to kiss him back for a few seconds, before he had to pull away. He had to find the strength, or else he would be tempted to let heaven burn for the sake of a single embrace from Crowley.

"By the way, how come you asked the demon to join you in heaven?" asked Metatron with slight laughter and a strong ironic tone. "Your new position would not give you that power."

"I knew Crowley would deny my offer" responded Aziraphale, obviously bothered at the degradation of Crowley being a nameless demon to Metatron's eyes.

Metatron appeared confused. Yet, it made sense to Aziraphale. On one hand, he feared he let Crowley leave without vainly offering him the chance to join the heavens. He didn't want Crowley to think that he was trying to escape him and he didn't enjoy his presence in his life. On the other hand, he was trying to give Crowley a sort of discreet distress signal. Aziraphale knew very well that nothing would convince Crowley to walk among the angels again. They have had multiple hypothetical conversations about this over the centuries, and Crowley's position remained unchanged.

"Well, it's a good thing he declined then" said Metatron. "Because what would what been, as humans say, awkward" he said with a chuckle.

Aziraphale responded with a short ironic smile.
He started wandering his bookshop one last time, as a poor attempt to stall what was coming. His mind slipped to Crowley again. He was saddened that Crowley did not appear to understand what Aziraphale was trying to accomplish. He hopes with time, Crowley will start to think about Aziraphale's peculiar last words.

"I forgive you"

They were Aziraphale's last attempt to warn Crowley that it wasn't entirely Aziraphale's choice to return to heaven. He had wished he would fall back to the good graces of the angels, but not like this. He had no desire to fill the power vacuum left by Gabriel in the mints of a Second Coming.

"Gabriel"

He vanished, leaving an utter administrative mess in heaven. For a moment, Aziraphale found himself feeling resentful towards love. The emotion that used to empower him, was now making him feel weak. His hopes to lead his life with love and compassion were unrealistic for the archangel of heaven. He had to embody the principles of a warrior, something he even avoided as a mere guard of the Eastern Gate in Eden.

He spent his entire existence without afflicting any pain, but now he would have to join a long list of vengeful angels.