Never did Louis Tomlinson think his life would turn out this way. Not only is his first love back in his life but he has amazing friends and a perfect son. After everything they have been through surely now life should be plain sailing. Yet its not...
TW SMUT (Apologies if its shit. I hate writing smut hahha) Sorry in advance for any errors or things that need editing. My head has been banging and foggy last few days.
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Well what a shit night that ended up being. It started off so well and ended up in an argument. I get Harry is struggling but I sure wish he would at least trust me. I am not like Harry though. I no longer see Luke as being an issue.. I suppose to me Luke is in the past and I moved on. I am so happy with my life, with Harry that I don't feel a need to ignore Luke or hold a grudge any longer. Also I am not very good at that. I suppose I do always give people the time of day regardless, but that's just me. Harry knows this, so I wish he wouldn't just keep going on about the same shit. I couldn't sleep last night. Yes I am now used to sleeping alone when Harry is not here but the fact that he was here and downstairs was different. I know I told him not to follow me but I was angry, I did hope though that he would do his usual and try to get into bed. I missed his warmth. I could have gone downstairs and got him but I guess I am just as stubborn at times. Which is ridiculous. We have just wasted a night together because of something that wasn't even important.
I reluctantly roll out of bed, head for the bathroom and turn the shower on. Harry has got to catch his flight today and before that we have to go pick Evan up. I hope we can at least sort things before he goes. I know he is struggling with his emotions and moods at the minute and I wish I could help him. Harry is as stubborn as me though and won't admit he needs any help. I think a therapist would be ideal for him, although I know now is not the time to bring it up.
I have a quick shower and throw on some joggers and jumper as I make my way downstairs. The blankets are piled up on the sofa, yet there is no sign of Harry. My heart kickstarts, beating fast with anxiety. The fucker best not have left already. Heading for the kitchen, I find that is also empty. I dash into the hallway and am relieved to see his shoes are still by the door. Feeling I can now breathe I go back into the kitchen, switch the kettle on and make myself a cup of tea before settling down on the sofa and waiting for Harry to appear.
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I hear the door open and footsteps as Harry pops his head in the door. He looks so sad and I want to just take him in my arms. "Hey, I didn't know you were up. I was just in the studio" he says quietly. Not quite looking me in the eyes. It feels so wrong. We feel so distant. I pat the sofa next to me "Come here Haz" He walks over slowly and I place my cup on the floor as Harry takes a seat next to me. His brow is furrowed. "I'm sorry Lou. About last night and how I acted. I really didn't want the night to end as it did, and I am sorry" he holds his head low, looking down and I can't take it anymore. I reach over and pull him towards me. Harry coming easily and resting his head on my chest. His arms wrapped around me tightly "I'm sorry too. I just don't want to go through the same shit anymore. I wish you would believe me when I say Luke means nothing to me" I hear as he sniffs. I am sure he is crying but his head is on my chest, still hung low and I cant see him. "I know. I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel a bit lost at the minute and I am sorry I took it out on you" I know he is not feeling right and I don't like it. I just want my happy Harry back. "I know baby" I lift his head up. I was right, tears glisten in his eyes as I lean forward and place my lips against his. He closes his eyes and kisses me back but I can feel the hesitation in him and it hurts. "Do you want to talk about it?" He shakes his head as I just hold him. The silence is deafening "Is it me Haz?" I know it's not, but I need to ask. Maybe he has changed his mind about us. Maybe us being together whilst he is a popstar is not easy for him and he needs space. My head is running wild with random thoughts. "No, of course not" I breath out in relief "I guess, things have happened fast and then Des dying and I feel a bit lost. I don't like the person I am but its not you Lou" I squeeze him tight "I love you so much. I don't even know why you are with me half the time. I just need to figure my shit out." "You do Haz. Not for me though. I love you regardless but for yourself. Maybe you can talk to someone, hey?" I suggest "Yeah, I will think about it" We sit in silence for a few moments. Just holding each other. I don't know what is going on in his head at the minute and I wish I could help "I missed you last night. It was horrible not being with you" he breaks the silence "I missed you too babe. I am going to miss you so much when you are gone. And you not even going to be in the same country anymore" He sits up leaning back against the sofa. Pushing his hair back "I wish I could bring you both with me or even better not have to do it. I am not really enjoying it at the minute" he tells me honestly. My heart hurts for him. He shouldn't be feeling like this. He has done this for years. It was all he ever wanted and I don't know why the sudden turnaround "You don't mean that Haz. It's just a bad day. Once you are back you will soon get into it. It's ok to have fun you know. It's what you have worked so hard for. I am so so proud of you and I know the fans need to see you. I can't keep you all to myself can I?" "Well I wouldn't mind that" I give him a smile as I reach over and hold his hand. "I know you wouldn't. I would mind though. I know it's hard, but it will get easier and you know I am not going anywhere. I will be here when you finish the tour. We then have all the time in the world to be together" I place a kiss on his hand and he gives a small smile. "Yeah. I guess" he shrugs his shoulders "No, not I guess. It's I know. Nothing or no-one can come between us now Harry. Its me and you forever darling" He doesn't reply, just folds himself into my arms again. I run my hands through his hair. I know he is feeling vulnerable and all I can do at this moment is give him time and be there for him.
