Good omens 2.5

Demons are big fat liars

The good thing about having a boss who hates his job is that they don't care. That's Crowley. Upon seeing his main source of gossip chatting around the hell-fire tank he joins them.

"This is the definition of scuttlebutt, you know?" He jokes. They don't get it. "Gossip," he clarifies.

It always baffled Crowley how demons can vary so much, physically. For example Shiva looks like a normal human just with extra sharp canines but Mardak has a forked tongue and goat-like eyes with rectangular pupils.

He leans on the tank, "so what's the word today?"

Shiva answers, "I was saying that my friend, Gorgon, in the department of miracles, was telling me about the biggest miracle blocker he's ever seen,"

"He say what for?" Crowley stands up straighter.

She's a bit thrown off by his interest. "Uh- no didn't say." She's goes on, "all he said was that it was a special request. A level 14! I didn't even know they went that high!" Crowley feels like this is important. "Well Gorgon tells them that much power has to come from somewhere and he was told to just make it happen. They said that it wouldn't be in place long."

The gears in Crowley's head turn. "Say how long? Like exactly how long?"

"Umm I don't know, he didn't say."

Crowley needs to know this information. "Can you figure it out?" She starts to say something but is cut off, "Shiva why don't you go take lunch early. Go ask Gorgon and don't come back until you figure out exactly when it ends." The demons look shocked but burst into laughter. Mardak shoves her friend and Shiva looks proud to have delivered such juicy gossip.

They're interrupted by a call over the P.A system. Crowley has to report to Shax at least once a week with info about heaven. He didn't think he'd be called over the loud speaker like a child to the principal's office.

Crowley just plays it off for his employees, "well, duty calls. Shiva, go figure it out."

Upon arriving at Shax's he learns that she is still on lunch and won't be back for 20 or so minutes. "You're more than welcome to wait here," Naamah smiles at Crowley. He notices that she has lipstick on today. He doesn't need to be clever to realize what's happening. Little does Naaham know that Crowley will never be interested in her as more than a pawn.

"I'd be glad to." He takes a seat and slides right down into a slouch. He makes himself very interested in the old magazines. One about construction cranes actually keeps his attention for a few minutes before he remembers he's got a job to do. He looks suddenly at the secretary. She looks away quickly, as if she weren't just caught staring. He smirks, "so you like this gig?"

Naaham answers with a red face, "it isn't too bad. How have you liked it since you've gotten back?"

He shrugs, "it's alright. I miss the excitement of human life. There are some girls in my department who make me feel like I'm up there sometimes." He knows exactly how to play her.

"How- er- why?" He can see her curse under her breath. She tries again, "yeah? How so?"

Crowley pops up out of his chair and looks around at the posters. "Oh, they just speak like humans do." He turns to focus on her now. "Chatty-kathies, you know? Always on about all the things and people they know." He smiles, "I think secrets make people- and demons- feel important. There's a rush about knowing things that others don't." Like putty in my hand.

Naaham hangs on every word that Crowley says, so much that she didn't even realize she should reply. "Oh-yeah... I suppose that's true." She knows that's not clever enough. "I bet a demon such as yourself knows all sorts of secrets."

Crowley saunters to her desk, "that's why I'm here. Shax want to know all my secrets." He takes an exaggerated breath, "I'll only tell her a few, though." He leans over the desk like he did the last time. "I bet Shax doesn't share her secrets." This is too easy, Crowley laughs to himself.

"I know plenty of things!" Waaay to easy.

"Sure you do. I'd offer to trade but I'm not sure if yours will be worth mine." She tells him to bring it. "Okay, did you know that Beelzebub isn't actually on some covert mission?" Naaham wasn't sure what to expect but definitely not something so big. "They ran off with an archangel." He smirks and nods. "I doubt you could live up to that with 100 secrets," he teases.

She's clearly not one to back from a challenge. "I bet you didn't know that Shax has been in contact with heaven." She looks too proud. "I personally have spoken with the archangel Michael twice the last few days."

Crowley is not amused by this. What would Michael want with the Duke of hell. There is no way this is good news. Does this have something to do with the miracle blocker? "Hey I-I actually have to go. Tell Shax that I'll check in tomorrow with more info." He starts to leave before turning back and calling, "and, hey, you might not want to mention this. Shax has a nasty temper." He rushes back to his office.

He practically sprints to Shiva's cubicle. "Hey what did you find out? I need to know right now," he tries to be quiet.

His panic alarms her. She stammers, "uh- uh- it's- the blocker only needs to last another day. It's going to be dissolved at noon, tomorrow."

"Anything else?"

"It's an extra one for the holding blocks," she offers.

Mardak rolls back from her desk next store, "you think that has anything to do with what Thoth was on about?"

Crowley looks at her with wild eyes. He pants, "who? Who's Thoth? What was he saying?"

"He's sort of Mardak's boyfriend," Shiva teases.

Mardak's face grows red. "He's not my boyfriend! He's just a friend. He works in corrections." She tucks her hair behind her ear. "He was bragging about some high level prisoner they're supposed to be 'processing'." She rolls her eyes, "apparently it's an angel. He's so full of shit."

Crowley's legs go weak. Aziraphale. He attempts to inhale but there's no air in the room. He can't exhale either. Please, don't let them have him. He can hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

The demons seem not to notice his panicked state and continue their conversation.

"Excuse me," Crowley manages just over a whisper. He beelines to his office. His legs feel weightless and his breath is ragged.

Crowley spends roughly 10 minutes in his office, contemplating and scheming.

I can't believe I trusted them. I can't believe I was so stupid. So, so stupid! How could you think a deal with a demon would work? She's a demon. It's practically in the job description to lie! I figured she'd take more than a week to break her word. G- Satan damnit! He's pissed at Shax but he's furious with himself. He swipe his arm across the desk violently, sending papers and pens and various supplies flying into the wall.

He rests his head in his hands, panting and on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. They're going to kill him. Oh, fuck! No, no. I can't- I- I have to do something. Crowley inhales deeply and holds it before exhaling. He does this multiple more times before his body stops shaking. Okay. Okay. Think.

Our demon steps out of his office as if nothing happened. He tells one of his department heads that he has some business to attend to and to keep things running normally. He then leaves for the mortal world.

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Hi guys, thank you for reading. I hope you're all enjoying! Pre-disclaimer: the next chapter is very graphic and bloody.