Unwanted (Sam Winchester)

8

The library is peaceful, unlike the restless thoughts going through your head. The only thing you can hear is the clicking sounds of Charlie's computer in front of you. She is, as she calls it, in the zone, too immersed in coding to pay attention to your inner turmoil. It's ok, the last thing you need is for her to realize your line of thought. It's kind of embarrassing that you're giving too much importance to the matter at hand. Not only that, but it's been a week since it happened, and you can't stop thinking about it. Like right now, you're supposed to be studying for your biology test, and yet you cannot stop your head from wandering. Charlie stops her work, when you glance at her, she's looking at you with furrowed brows. For a minute, you believe that she might be onto something, that she's going to call you out on your procrastination and its motives. However, as soon as she stops working, she starts again. You can faintly hear the music blasting in her headphones. That reminds you of the day you met her.

You don't share any classes with the redhead, in fact, you stumbled upon her on your second week of college while scouting the different departments. You wanted to consider everything before choosing your major, and that day you were in the computer science facilities when you literally crashed into her. The encounter was pretty awkward and somewhat flirty on her part. She was dancing to Walking on Sunshine before colliding with you. You quickly latched on to your mutual interest in the artist to make conversation. When she discovered that you were touring the place, she offered her guidance. It was only natural to take the offer, and soon enough, you became fast friends. In all honesty, she's probably the closest friend you've made in your time at the university. You confide in her to the point that you've told her about your meetings with Mr. Robinson. You know she won't tell a soul, even if she disapproves. Still, Charlie is no Sam Winchester, and Sam is and will always be your best friend. Even when he acts weird, like lately.

Ever since he left the day you studied in your dorm, Sam has been acting odd. It's not like he ignores you as he previously did when he was angry at you, it's more like he tries to avoid being near you for long periods of time. At first, you thought it was normal because starting college definitely created a variation in the time you spent together. However, you soon figured out the distancing wasn't for necessity, but entirely personal. Now that, added to what you saw that day at the coffee shop, your mind is working overtime attempting to understand it all. Your facts are probably not that important, but you know your friend better than anyone... and you also know yourself, and the way you acted when you saw him with Jess is unusual too. You practically ran away from that place, why?

"Ok, spit it out, what's going on?" You don't realize that Charlie has stopped her typing until she speaks. She's looking at you with a raised, expectant eyebrow.

You try to play coy, "what are you talking about?"

She clearly doesn't buy it, "you know damn well what I'm referring to. That deep-in-thought expression of yours doesn't go as unnoticed as you'd like, and you stopped doing your homework like half an hour ago." Charlie is right, yet you are hesitant to tell her anything. "Does this have to do with professor creep?" That's her nickname for Mr. Robinson.

"I..."

You don't even finish your sentence when she interrupts, "no, this isn't about him." She looks at you closely, as if your eyes can tell her what she needs. Maybe they do. "This is about Sam, yes, I know that face."

The fact is, Charlie hasn't met Sam Winchester before. Odd, considering that he's your best friend, but so far they haven't crossed paths. Still, that hasn't stopped you from telling her about him. She knows that he's the most important person for you in the entire world, she knows you can't live without him. And she's well aware of other details that you don't mention but are noticeable. Like how you get especially gloomy if things aren't going well with Sam.

"I thought you fixed that fight that you had."

"We did," you defend yourself, "this isn't about that."

"Aha!" With a winner's face, she shuts the laptop, "so it IS about Sam. Tell momma your problems."

"Ugh, don't call yourself that," you complain.

It doesn't take any more convincing from Charlie for you to spill your guts. You explain Sam's distancing and then your own reaction to seeing him with Jess. Your red-headed friend listens intently. For you, there's no logical explanation as to why you're giving so much attention to these trivial matters.

"I see," Charlie responds once you finish. She rubs her nonexistent beard before telling you her verdict. "I believe I know what is going on here. It's as simple as this: you're jealous."

"Jealous? About what?" The clear incredulity in your voice doesn't surprise her.

"About Sam spending time with other people, obviously." Charlie gives you a knowing smile, "you have been best friends and hung out together since you were practically babies, you never really had to share him before."

"We've had other friends," you murmur defensively.

"I mean, sure, but you've gone to the same schools, same classes, and practically lived attached to the other. I'm not gonna talk about how that's not precisely healthy..." You furrow your brows. "But you've told me yourself you don't spend as much time since you got into college, and now that shift plus witnessing him having a good time without you might be the trigger of your anxieties."

What Charlie says makes sense, but there's a part of you that believes there might be something else you don't know about hidden. Nevertheless, you really cannot pinpoint it, so Charlie's theory must be it. It kind of makes sense, even growing up, you never enjoyed sharing Sam's time much with other people. You never forbid him from having other friends, but you'd always try to be with him the most. It was the same for him, but it was because you preferred each other's company above others, isn't still like that?

"You're right," you answer. "That should be it, I mean, not spending time with him has been weird."

"You see!" Charlie claims excitedly, "there's nothing to worry about."

Ultimately, you accept such a theory because it's the most reasonable explanation, and it aligns with Sam's odd behavior. Nonetheless, as you decide to continue with your homework, there's a lingering feeling that you're missing something essential to the situation. As much as you try, you cannot put your finger on it, though. Surely Sam would tell you if there was anything in his mind that could ruin your friendship, right?