Unwanted (Sam Winchester)

6

College life has been incredibly hectic, there are so many things that you need to do that weeks had to go by before you could spend some time with your best friend. Truth be told, in the while, you did make some time for another date with Brady. Of course, it was only for fun. Brady is a nice guy, but you cannot see yourself with him beyond fooling around. You're sure neither can he, considering his womanizer tendencies. The last hang-out went even smoother than the previous ones, you allowed yourself to go as far as to hook up with him, and you enjoyed it. Yet, much to your disappointment, once the deed was done there was an emptiness in your heart that could not be filled. So you focused on your studies, putting aside unimportant matters. You were so concentrated on them, that you neglected Sam. He had to be the one to remind you of his presence after three weeks centered on school life. Truly, your distraction was not on purpose, but merely a refocus of your attention on something other than your father's death.

Six months before you started college, your confidant and one of the people you loved the most, died in a sad hospital bed. The police said it had been an accident and neither party was to blame, but it was so difficult not to hate the other driver. After all, why did he get to live with only a few bruises when your father didn't? It wasn't fair, and yet it happened that way. Now, months after the accident, you still cannot heal completely from the loss. You feel it and maybe Sam is right, and sometimes you need a diversion from it. What is wrong with it?

"Hey, can you check my history essay?" Sam asks you from where he's sitting on the floor. You're on the bed with your notebook opened in the physics formulas. The hangout that you had scheduled for today had to be turned into a study session given your amount of workload.

"Sure," you take it and start reading it over. Unsuspected by you, Sam contemplates you.

If you were to look back right now, you would instantly recognize that the way he's staring at you is not precisely how someone looks at their best friend. It's deeper and meaningful in a way it cannot compare. Still, there's something else in his eyes today. Sam has been pondering over it for quite some time. Ever since you decided that you wanted to fool around, he has been thinking about telling you how he feels. Nevertheless, no matter how he thinks of it, Sam is too scared to lose your friendship to really do anything about it. Instead, he has decided to try and grasp how you feel. You have always treated him like a friend, but he has too, and in spite of it, Sam is in love with you. So, what's not to say you feel the same way, but you are hiding it? It would be a miracle, good thing that he's a believer.

"It looks good," you finally tell Sam and give it to him with a smile. You dart around your room with a thoughtful expression. "Would you look at that! This room almost feels like a home without April snooping around."

Sam snorts. It has been easy to notice your complicated relationship with your roommate. Even if it has improved slightly, it's still a very rocky path that you're probably never going to move on from. You two just don't... fit. And it's ok, you don't mind, but you have to share a living space with her, and it has proven to be unideal.

"The university's scholarship requires us to live in the dormitories during the first year." Sam reminds you. "But for the second and following years, students can look for out-of-campus housing or one of the apartments inside." You know this, yet, reminding you is not Sam's purpose. "We could search for a place of our own if you want to..." he adds shyly.

Sam feels all the insecurities crashing onto him until he sees the blossoming smile on your face.

"That sounds so nice!" You respond, "we'd have our own place to chill, no one to bother us, and we'd spend more time together no matter our schedules." All that you say sounds pretty good to Sam. "And there would be more privacy for when we have dates," you add with a kinky smile. Well, everything except that.

"Yeah, speaking of which," Sam hesitates for a second, "how are you doing with the bachelorette year ?"

You're not sure if you should answer his question, last time you spoke of it, it turned into a big fight. The last thing you want is to lose your best friend over something this silly. And so, that's why you decide to bluntly lie.

"Oh, you know, pretty dry, I've been busy with school and stuff." You usually don't deceive him, you could count on one hand the number of times you've done it. Sam doesn't detect the ruse. "Anyway, can you help me with this?" You deflect successfully.

Sam is your best friend, and you have always told him everything, even details about your past hookups and dates. It has never been a problem before. You've felt like you could confide in him about all, so why has that been an issue lately? You don't want him to know about Brady and how you had sex with him not so many days ago. Obviously, he definitely shouldn't know of the way that you look at your English professor or the fact that you've been planning to make your move on him. He wouldn't understand, in fact, it'd probably offset another conflict. You don't know what is happening, you don't get it yet, but you foresee that something in your friendship is about to change, and you won't like it.

Two hours later, you're still stretched on the bed when you finally close your books. "Hey, I'm done for the day." You look at the clock on your laptop. It's still early and April hasn't arrived, which mean is a good day. "If you're finished, are you up for an episode of that serial killer series we were watching?" You and Sam enjoy murder documentaries.

Sam looks at his notebooks, he still has some work to be done, but he figures he can complete it at his dorm later. He wants to spend time with you, and this is a good opportunity to figure out your feelings for him. So Sam sits right next to you on the bed as you open a tab in the browser to watch Netflix. You both get comfortable easily enough because it's something you've been doing for your whole life, being with him comes naturally. The show is one you already started a while back, you watch it together all the time. Thus, you settle down for the next 20 minutes, watching the murder stories and crazy psychopaths that you both love so much.

This time, it's an episode about some cannibal that used to be active during the 60s. You're completely immersed, paying attention to every tiny detail of the show. It's gross, but also captivity to some degree. Despite this being one of his favorite documentaries, Sam cannot seem to be able to focus on the things shown on screen. Some part of his brain is concentrated on his love for you, and the other on the way that you mold perfectly right next to him. The bed in your dormitory is considerably small. You fit just fine, but his tall frame takes up a lot of space. So, it's only natural for you to cuddle in order to be comfortable. Even so, it shouldn't be this hard to reign the feelings on Sam's chest, it's not the first time that you've been like this. You used to sleep next to each other when you were little, for fuck's sake! Sam really doesn't understand how you can keep causing him these emotions, even after all the things you've been through. He has slept with you, after all, and that intimate moment was perfect, but simple things such as cuddling continue to make him feel completely in love with you.

"Can I ask you something?" Sam interrupts. The only clue that you've heard is a low murmur on your part. "I was remembering the other day that you used to have a crush on Dean..."

Your attention instantly snaps away from the laptop. "What brings this on?" You feel curious and a little wary. "It happened a long time ago."

He huffs in annoyance, "c'mon, it was like 4 years ago."

"Yeah, that's like a lifetime," you joke, trying to defuse the tension.

Sam ignores your attempt for distraction, "did you really like him?" You're too preoccupied trying not to feel embarrassed to notice the tightness in Sam's voice.

"I told you back then, and I'll tell you again. It was a dumb mistake. I don't see Dean that way." Then, for emphasis, you say, "he's like the brother I never wanted."

He laughs lightly, trying to convey a calmness he doesn't feel. Then, as if joking, Sam asks, "Dean is like a brother, huh? And what about me?"

You smile happily at him while you answer without hesitation, "you're like the brother I've always wanted."