Unwanted (Sam Winchester)

4

That turns out to be the first real fight you have in years. Your friendship with Sam tends to be harmonious for the most part. You get along pretty well, the only big fight you've ever had happened four years ago. Sam remembers very clearly your misfortune. Back then, he was still discovering the real extent of his feelings for you, so his emotions were muddled when you confessed to him liking his brother. You never before had experienced any interest in Dean whatsoever. Nevertheless, that fateful day, when you were only 15 years old, you decided to confess to Sam that you had a crush on Dean.

His brother, being four years older, looked at you as nothing more than a little sister and Sam's best friend. Sam knew Dean had no interest in you and that probably your little crush for him would soon pass away. Still, that didn't prevent the jealousy monster from rising inside of him. And the first time that it happened, he didn't know what it was. He thought he felt only protective towards you, considering his brother's track record with a woman. Soon enough, he realized that it was more than that. Not only did he want to protect your heart from being crushed by Dean's antics, but also desired to be the one you looked at with those lovely eyes of yours. That was the first time Sam realized he was in love with you.

Of course, even if that was when he noticed his feeling for you, that was not when they began to rise. Sam couldn't exactly pinpoint the right moment when he started to love you, it could have been when you shared your first kiss at 12, or it could have been ever since kindergarten when you gave him your vanilla ice cream after he fell from the swing. Sam isn't sure when it happened, he only realized it after you had crawled your way into his heart. So, when you told him you had feelings for his brother, he had completely drowned in jealousy.

Back then, you had a big fight about it. He said you could not be thinking of Dean that way. Sam gave you multiple examples of Dean being a complete asshole and never calling the girl back. He even went as far as to tell you embarrassing stories about his brother, some of which you already knew, considering you practically lived at their house half the time. If that wasn't enough, he also pulled some stupid rule about being against the friend code, whatever that meant. Ultimately, none of the things he told you convinced you to give up on your crush on his brother. You were stubborn that way. It took you a week to start speaking again after the fight, which is the most time you had been apart. When you reunited, he had given up and let you know that he would support your love for his brother. You were elated, but ultimately it was for no reason. When you saw Dean Winchester again that afternoon, and he ate his greasy burger in front of you chewing obnoxiously loud, your crush was forever gone. Looking back at it now, you realize that it was probably your crazy teenage hormones that made you believe you liked Dean.

For some reason, this fight feels bigger than the other. It's not the reason behind it, it's the way you left things. Sam looks up from his notebook to the other side of the classroom, where you are paying attention to Mr. Robinson's class. It's Monday morning and, even though you share this class together, you have decided not to sit with him. It breaks Sam's heart more than he cares to admit. He's not sure what he's supposed to do to make you forgive him. He cannot go back on his words, he would be lying if he were to say that he's ok with you sleeping around campus. It goes beyond jealousy, Sam has seen -with his brother- that going around different partners is only a mechanism to deflect from reality. You're trying to ignore what happened when your father, and that's not the right way to move on. Under normal circumstances you would never think about getting involved with a professor, it's unlike you.

As his mind wanders around, he focuses on previous memories, back when you were happy and things weren't so complicated. Like your first kiss, for example. You were both 12 years old, still a kid in your parents' eyes. You were in no rush of kissing anyone, that is until your friends started to receive their first kiss. Slowly, over the period of a few months, all of your middle school girlfriends got their first kiss from their crushes. They claimed it has been the most beautiful experience, they were probably lying, but you didn't think so at that moment. The only thing in your mind was that your friends had kissed, and you hadn't. Eventually, you shared these thoughts with Sam, who told you that he hadn't kissed anyone either. The solution was simple enough; you would be each other's first kiss. To Sam Winchester, the moment had been magical and everything he ever wished for. To you, it had been a simple transaction.

Things were different when you shared your first time. It happened when you were 17, only a while back. You weren't in a rush of having sex whatsoever, but you were considerably curious about it, and since your first kiss had been with Sam, you decided that maybe it would be a good idea to share this moment as well. Thus, when you brought up the idea, and he accepted, there was nothing else to think about. It is safe to say that at that moment, Sam was already aware of his feelings towards you.

It took him a little pondering to decide if he should accept your proposal or not. The kindest part of him was very hesitant about accepting. It took you a while to be able to convince him that nothing would have to change between you, that you would still be friends no matter what. Sam was disappointed you weren't interested in him that way. Your idea to sleep with him was based on the fact that you wanted to do it with someone you trusted and loved. Eventually, he accepted and the night was planned to the smaller detail. Truth be told, that one became one of your favorite moments with him, not that you would ever admit it to him. It wasn't a completely magical night, and you didn't immediately know what to do. It was actually pretty clumsy and awkward, but at the same time, it had been perfect for you. You enjoyed yourselves, and true to your word, nothing changed between you. Well, nothing but the fact that Sam fell harder.

Sam looks up from his notebook back to where you're sitting. Instead of finding you doing the assigned exercise like the rest of the class, you're glancing up at Mr. Robinson's desk. Much to your delight and Sam's dismay, the professor stares at you intensely. There are no doubts, he's clearly interested in you. Sam's stomach churns uncomfortably at the sight. He cannot comprehend how a professor can place such interest in a student. Firstly, he's at least older than you by 15 years. You're barely of age and susceptible to manipulation, he should know better than to be with someone so young. Then there's the fact that he is your teacher, and his more dominant position places him at an advantage over your vulnerability. Sam can swallow the lump in his throat when he sees you with Brady, but he cannot contain the indescribable anger that Professor Robinson causes. The man should know better, and the faculty should do something about his escapades with freshmen.

Sam attempts to call your attention, but just as he tries to do so, Mr. Robinson smirks your way charmingly. His white teeth shine in the light, and Sam hears you sighing, even if you're a few seats away. The professor's perfectly styled hair becomes a little tousled when he passes a hand through it. The gesture's clearly supposed to be flirty. You find yourself inching closer in your seat towards the front of the class, as if you want to make the space between him and you disappear. Clearly, the motion has the desired effect, because the blond man grins triumphantly. You find yourself becoming a dumb girly mess. Looking at the whole exchange, Sam Winchester has his heart cracked, and not for the first time.