My Mafia

10. Bright - I love them both

I finally scream my heart out. I just need him to leave me alone. I really want to be alone. I am waiting for my papa. I dont want to go any where. I know he will come to me. I just need to wait. I will just die if he reject me again. I miss my papa so much. I know, i make him angry but I treat him as my mom. I love him more than my mom, i behave like him, i try to immitate everything he do. I love him so much. Why he push me away. Again i scream in my heart.

Bright, phi mile try to calm me. He look shocked and worry. You need to calm, he said again. He slowly approach me. Go, i dont need you, leave me alone i said and cry. Just go, i said. Its hurt so much, i said.
Bright, phi mile said and hug me tight. Please calm down he said. He hug me tight that i cant escape from him. Please, calm down, he softly said. I hate you, i said slowly. I hate you so much, i said again. Leave me alone, i said weakly.

When i wake up, everything seem normal. My old room back to normal. I felt someone hold my hand. Daddy, i call my dad slowly. He look at me and smile. You are awake ,he said. He look so tired. I am sorry , he suddenly said. I am not good enough, he said slowly. I know what you are trying to do, he said again. I dont want you to be the leader if its mean i will lost you, let live like before, he said again. I look at my old handsome dad. I am sorry dad, i really do, i said and look around. He really leave me. My papa really leave me. I am sorry for being so weak, i dont deserve to be your son, you should leave me too, i said again. Everyone can leave you but not me, i am your dad, you have to be with me forever even you dont want too, my dad said and chuckle. I look at him and try to smile. I know he also hurt.  But i really cant. I felt guilty. Sorry daddy, I miss you, I  miss papa, i miss him so much, i said and hug my dad and cry. Both are my comfort person, i can be myself. I can cry and sulky as much as i want. I dont need to be strong. I never allow anyone to see this weak side of me except for them before and now it include phi mile I think.
Then you should get up, papa are making your dinner downstair, my dad said and look at me. I look at him, i cant believe it. You better hurry, before he scold both of us, my dad said. Really, i ask again. He just nod. I immediately get up and run to the kicthen. I run as fast as i could. I cant believe it. Papa are cooking my favorite dish. But i too scare to call him. So i just look at him. I want to hug him. Take a sit, my papa said slowly without looking at me. I quietly sit beside my dad and wait for him. I really dont dare to say a word.
Eat, my papa said while fill in my plate without looking at me. After that he get into the kicthen back. Go to your papa, my dad said. I walk to the kicthen and see how my papa standing in front of the sink. Papa, i slowly call him. He turn to me and i quickly run to him. I cant see him cry, i rather die than making him cry. Papa , i gently hug him from behind.
He finally look at me. Go, finish your food, i need to clean up, he said with broken voice. I never see my beautiful papa look like this. He have swollen eyes  because of crying. He lost his voice because of crying. He look so tired and hurt. I am sorry, i said and hug him again. I am sorry papa, i said while hug him tighter. Please dont leave me ,i plead him. I will listen to you, i will never do it again, i said. I dont want mom, i want you. I only need you, i said while crying. I am sorry, my papa finally said. No, i am sorry. I said firmly and look at his eyes. You are my life, how could you destroy and hurt yourself like that, do i that not sifnificant for you, he ask me sadly. Destroying yourself is kiling me, slicing me piece by piece, he said. May be you cant feel how hurt i am because i am not your mother, you will not doing this if i am your mother he said again. No, i said and cry. I cant even find a word to show how regretful i am.
I love you papa, l love you so much. Dont hate me, i beg my papa. I will never hate you, you are the reason i live, how will i hate you, he ask while caressing my face. How about me, suddenly my dad ask and look at us. I felt left out, he said and sulky. Daddy, you look ugly i said and laugh then back to cry. No one love me, my dad said again. We love you, me and papa said on the same time. We look at each other and laugh. I love both of you too, he said and hug both of us. I felt safe and happy in my parent arms. But i love papa more i said teasing my dad. I know he reply and kiss my head. I love you beamie , my dad said and kiss my papa. Daddy, i yell out. I cant believe he kiss my papa in front of me. Phi, my papa said and push his husband. I quickly pull my papa and bring him out. I am hungry, i said and my papa, gently feed me like always. I can see my dad wipe his tears before joint us and fight for my papa attention like always. I love them both.

Thank you for reading ❤️
08.08.24