Hot Summer Nights

13

Chapter Thirteen

Leah

It feels like I'm walking through a thick fog. My body is moving slower than it ever has. My mind is muddled, and I can't focus on anything that I need to focus on. That's why I got out of the apartment. It's the reason I'm here trying to pick myself up by hanging with Colin.

Shopping with my best friend always puts me in a good mood. But not today. Not after the hard conversation I had face to face with Landon the other night.

He showed up unannounced and shocked the hell out of me by making his case on why I should be his girlfriend. For a second during his speech, I thought I saw genuine sparks of love in his eyes, but it had to be a trick of the light. Landon Marks doesn't do love. He doesn't do girlfriends and relationships and commitment.

He never has.

Why would he start now? Why would I be the exception?

It wouldn't work out. No matter how badly I'd want it to. I know that. So, why do I feel like my heart just got ripped from my chest?

This feels like a break up. One of the worst I've ever had. And it was my call. I did this. I know why I did it. I know it was the right decision, but it still stings. The look on his face when I told his it was over... That still haunts me. It looked like I'd just ripped his heart out of his chest and trampled on it. I've never seen Landon like that.

I just hope he'll see that it was the right call. For both of us. Eventually.

"...and then I was like-" I hear Colin's voice in the aisle next to me. He's been talking about work for the past five minutes. I think.

I've been so lost in my hazy mind, I feel like I've just been floating along through the shelves as he talks. I'm the worst friend ever. He came out to spend time with me and I can't even offer anything to the conversation.

Get a grip, Leah!

"Leah. Leah!"

"Huh- what?"

Colin shoots me the look. You know, the one that screams 'I know you haven't been listening to a thing I've said, wtf'. Yeah, now I feel like the world's worst best friend.

"What is going on with you? You've been acting weird all day," he tells me.

I grimace. No one knows what happened with Landon and me the other night. I haven't told anyone about it. Looks like that's about to change.

Taking a deep breath, I brace myself as I prepare to tell Colin what happened. "I ended things with Landon. Officially."

His eyebrows shoot to his hairline as he gapes at me. Colin quickly composes himself, shaking his head. "Oh, okay. So, when did this happen?"

I swallow over the knot now forming in my throat. "The other night," I start. "He showed up at my place and gave me this spiel about how we should be together and give things a shot..."

When Colin doesn't say anything, I keep going. "He just doesn't get it. He thinks because we had amazing sex that everything will just work out perfectly. Like we can just go from hooking up to happily dating with no hurdles."

I shake my head, willing away the knot that stubbornly refuses to go away. "He just doesn't get it." My words come out barely louder than a whisper and my eyes focus on my feet.

Colin's shoes shuffle into my vison, and arms wrap around me, pulling me into a warm hug. "Oh, sweetie! You really liked him, didn't you?"

Tears prick my eyes as I lean into him. "It never would have worked." I shake my head. "He's never been in a relationship, Colin. He doesn't know how long he'd stay interested in me if I had said yes. It would be a disaster. He'd get bored or regret everything, and I'd end up with my heart smashed into a million pieces."

The tears were starting to fall as I sobbed into my best friend's shoulder. "I couldn't do it!"

I cried a while longer as Colin shooed away nosy shoppers who walked by casting curious glances my way. When I finally felt like I couldn't cry anymore, he gently pulled my face to his, wiping away my tears. "This won't do. We are getting out of here. I'm calling Tessa and Charlotte and we are going dancing!"

I shoot him a confused look before he responds, "You need cheering up. And moping around one of our apartments, watching sappy movies while gorging on ice cream isn't what you need right now. We're going out! Just the four of us. Like old times. No thinking about Landon or how much this hurts right now. Tonight, you need to not think."

When I don't respond enthusiastically, he grabs my hand, pulling me along behind him. "Trust me, babe, you need loud music, a sexy outfit, and alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol."

~

The next morning, I woke up in Charlotte's guest room, covered with plush pillows next to Tessa. I have to admit, the whole night I only thought of Landon and my sorrows a handful of times. My friends helped me cut loose and forget about my heartache just like they promised. Colin gave Tess and Char the cliff notes version of what went down with Landon and me the other night, bringing them up to speed about why this emergency girls' night was called for.

They immediately agreed to come and help get my mind off things, not once bringing up his name or asking questions they knew would make me mope. And for a little while, I felt like my old self again.

But I was paying the price for it now. My head ached as the late morning light filtered through the curtains. How much did I drink last night?

Enough to forget about Landon and his magic coc-

No! Not gonna go there.

I sat up, clutching my head. The groan I let out roused Tessa, and she sat up slowly, wincing at her own pain.

"How you feeling?" she asked.

"Ug. Like I just got hit by a school bus."

She chuckles lightly before her face turns serious. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I know the it she's referring to is my sort of break up with Landon and how I'm coping with it. I consider brushing it off, letting her think I'm totally fine and just want to move on, but something stops me. A part of me wants to talk about it, even if I know it'll hurt.

"It really sucks, Tess," I admit, knowing the waterworks are only seconds away.

"Oh, sweetie!" She pulls me into her small arms as I start to break down.

"I just know it was the right thing to do, but it still fucking hurts," I sob.

She lets me cry on her shoulder for several minutes before saying a word. When she does, my heart halts in my chest. "You know... If you really like him, you could give it a shot. It's not too late..."

For a moment, I'm tempted. For a moment, I want to take her advice and call Landon and tell him I made a huge mistake, but something stops me. That little voice inside my head tells me what I already know.

I shake my head. "It would only hurt worse in the long run, Tess. I know that. I couldn't take it if I let things go longer. I couldn't take it if I fell for him and he chose to end it later."

She gives me a sympathetic look as I lay my head back down and let the tears continue to fall.

I know it's the right decision, but it hurts so bad. What if I'm making a huge mistake?