Hot Summer Nights

21

Chapter Twenty-One

Leah

The past week has been a whirlwind. Since Landon and I have agreed to start fresh and give our relationship another try, everything has felt different.

My emotions have been all over the place, mostly because I'm still fighting my inner demons who keep telling me to run. But I'm not running. Not this time. Not unless I have a damn good reason to. And being scared of what I'm feeling isn't a good reason.

Landon has been nothing but sweet and supportive since we officially started things up again. He's never been in a real relationship before, but he's trying so hard to make me forget that. Every day he sends me a good morning text, wishing me a good day. And each night, he sends a message or calls me to tell me sweet dreams.

Our new relationship is...nice. It feels so different from before. It feels deeper this time. We made rules this time- rules meant to protect us. Both of us. And we've defined what we are this time. We have clear boundaries and expectations- something we were sorely missing the first time around.

It's new and scary and exhilarating. I am Landon's girl. His only girl. His first girl- well, girlfriend anyway- but still, that means something. Now that I've let myself let go and take the dive, I'm excited to see what can come from this relationship.

It's only been a week, but I can already tell that my initial assumptions about him were all wrong. Not only did he admit that he leaned into his assumed role as the playboy, party guy, jock, but he's shown me that those tags aren't nearly as true as they once seemed.

Landon has layers. Layers I never thought were there. Layers that have made me see him in a completely different light. Old Leah- the one who was scared and suspicious of guys like Landon once upon a time- she never would have thought it possible that he was being genuine when he shared his feelings with me. She would have blocked him out.

She did block him out.

Never again.

I don't know how long this thing with Landon will last, but I owe it to myself to at least give the guy a chance. He was hurting just as badly as I was when we ended things the first time. That means something to me. It shows me that he cares, genuinely cares, and that's not something I'm willing to throw away. Not when my heart wants him so badly.

Yeah, it's still scary. We could end up breaking up for good one day, but we have to try. This time, we have to give us a real shot. Who knows, maybe we'll be the next Charlotte and Jason or Tessa and Levi.

A giggle escapes my lips at the thought. Not a 'haha, in your dreams, that's never gonna happen' giggle, but a giddy 'oh my gosh, this could really be happening' one.

He makes me giddy...

The girl who once ran from her feelings is giddy because of Landon freaking Marks!

Who'd have thought it possible?

My smile widens at the thought of him. How did I not see it before? How could I miss the person underneath the mask? He's kind and hardworking and ambitious. He's slowly started to let me see the parts of him he kept hidden before- parts only a few close friends ever got to see.

He's more than just eye candy with bedroom talent and sports aptitude. He's...I'm not sure I have the words, but there's so much more to him than I ever knew, and I'm only just starting to scratch the surface.

If I thought I was falling for him before- well, this time around will be something for the history books. The more time we talk, the more time we spend together, the more he shows me. And the deeper my feelings grow.

He's opening up slowly, but so am I. We're both being cautious, trying not to spook one another and risk messing things up colossally like we did before. I admitted that I was afraid before, telling him all the shameful things I let myself think. It was hard, but it was something he needed to know. I owed it to him to be honest about it, especially after his frankness with me.

It felt like a weight was lifted off my chest when I told him the truth. I let down my shield a bit, offering him a glimpse at the girl behind the walls I'd built. He took everything in. Took it and stored it away, and promised to never make me feel scared or uncertain about how he felt about me ever again.

When he said that and held me tightly, I let another sliver of doubt and worry melt away. A small part of me was anxious about that- about how quickly he got past my defenses that night, but a larger part- a more important part- let me know that it was alright. That was how things were supposed to go, and everything would work out in the end.

I clung to that part of me. Clung to the promise of happy endings and never-ending potential. It made my heart heal more than I knew it needed to.

When Landon admitted that he was scared too- that he's never felt so vulnerable around another person in his life- I could see my own fear in his eyes. I knew what he was going through because it was the same thing I'd been fighting for weeks. I knew I couldn't leave him to suffer with those thoughts. I couldn't throw away our second chance. And I wasn't going to.

We've talked about so much this past week. Some things he told me were hard to hear like how he'd never had his heart broken before- until the night that I walked away. When he shared that with me, it made my stomach churn. The words I'd used against him came back to haunt me.

Using his inexperience with relationships against him was low, and in doing so, I ended up dealing him one of the worst blows possible. He said when I walked away, it was the first time he'd ever experienced anything like heartbreak in his life. He cared so much for me that my giving up on us broke him.

I felt horrible, but it showed me the depth of his feelings. And as terrible as it sounds, it gave me hope for our future. He cared so much for me then, that I had the power to cause him heartbreak, just as he had that power over me. He gave me that power then, and he never took it back.

Neither did I.

Part of me knew that if he left, it would break me worse than before. But a bigger part of me felt that heartbreak wasn't in the cards for us. Not this time.

My intuition keeps whispering to me, telling me to ignore the fear that keeps trying to creep in. It's guiding me to somewhere warm and bright, telling me that something big is coming- something big and beautiful. And it has everything to do with Landon.