Hot Summer Nights

19

Chapter Nineteen

Leah

The tears were welling before I made it down the block. They were still falling like a heavy rain by the time I made it home. I don't normally cry this much over a breakup, but this one stings more than the rest. Probably because I regret ending things- which is something I never do.

I don't do regrets. I don't wallow in self-pity over guys. I don't cry myself to sleep at night over a relationship ending. At least I didn't, until now. Landon Fucking Marks ruined me. He wedged his way into my heart and took little pieces every time were together without me even realizing it.

And when I tried to stop myself from getting hurt- when I ended things so I wouldn't catch deeper feelings... I didn't realize I was already too late. I liked him.

I mean liked him liked him and my stupid heart wouldn't stop hurting.

Seeing him out on his date tonight after he ignored my calls the other day... Yeah, that was a gut punch if I ever felt one. It took all I had not to break down right there. Bumping into them outside that romantic little restaurant made me instantly lose my appetite. Not that I've had much of one the past several days. Not even my pals Ben and Jerry were tempting me much.

Tessa, Colin, and Charlotte had been trying to keep me busy. Keep my mind off things since they witnessed my devastation at Landon's blatant f-you the last time I tried to call. He sent me straight to voicemail. And as much as I hoped it was because he was on another call, as much as I wanted him to call me back... He never did.

He was moving on. Landon was done with me and that struck me to my core. I should have given him a chance. I should have given us a chance.

But instead, you ran because you were scared.

I inhaled a shaky breath as I leaned against the counter, laying my palms flat against the cool surface as I tried to steady myself. It was true. My feelings for him were too big. They grew so quickly and fiercely that they scared me. No, worse than that- they terrified me.

We hardly even knew each other. Sure, we ran in the same friend group and hung out from time to time. But in those moments when it was just us, we hardly talked. We didn't take time to get to know one another. It was just physical. That's all it was supposed to be, but somewhere along the line, something shifted between us.

Looking back now, I realize that he started giving me more at some point. It was subtle, but Landon was starting to give me little bits and pieces of him that weren't physical. This whole time, I'd been too blind to realize I'd been taking pieces of him with me too.

I knew things about him. Things you can't just learn from the occasional hook-up. I knew he had a dog growing up named Biscuit, who had a stubby tail and two different colored eyes. I knew he preferred to hang his tee-shirts rather than fold them. I knew that every time he got into bed he gave a tiny little hop before rolling over onto his left side. He switches which pocket he keeps his wallet in- if he pulls it out of his right side, he'll return it to his left. He keeps a washcloth by his sink- always on the left side even though he's right-handed.

And when we stayed the night together, he'd wake up before me and watch me. Sometimes I'd barely crack my eyes open, just enough to see him without alerting him I was awake. There was a look he wore in those moments, one I'd never seen him show anywhere else. One he saved just for me. My heart cracked open at the memory.

All these little details about him came rushing to the surface. Everything I'd picked up on without even realizing. I saw him when we were together. Enough to notice these things, but I was too scared to keep him.