Hot Summer Nights

20

Chapter Twenty

Landon

Her words come as a huge surprise. They shock me so thoroughly that for a second, I think I must have misheard her. "Leah?"

She gives me a shy smile as tears collect in her eyes. "I want to start over, Landon. If you're up for it. I want to do this the right way this time."

A bead of moisture escapes her eyes, making me feel like a jackass. I'm the reason she has tears in her eyes. All because I went the immature route and tried to make her jealous by using another woman against her. I wipe away her tears before she can, letting my palm rest softly against her cheek when I'm done.

My heart lurches at the pain I've caused her unnecessarily. "I'm so sorry, Leah. I'm so fucking sorry. I want that too, baby. I want it too," I tell her, resting my forehead on hers.

Her hands brace against my chest as she shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Landon. If I hadn't run away from what I was feeling, none of this would have happened."

A choked sob escapes her lips and I pull her tightly against me, holding back my own emotions as I comfort her in my arms. As she clings to me, I carry her to the couch, settling her in my lap as she releases a waterfall of tears.

We stay there, holding one another so long that we fall asleep. Leah's head is nestled in the crook of my neck when I wake up. Her warm breath breezes over my skin as she fists the front of my shirt. My arms are still wrapped around her protectively, aiming to shield her from any more pain.

That's exactly what I intend to do. As I pull her closer, I make a silent vow to never again make her feel this way. I quietly make a promise that from this moment on, Leah won't cry tears of sadness because of me. The ones she's let loose already were too many.

I press my lips to her temple and feel a damp streak fall down my face followed by another. Tears for all the hurt, the pain, the anger, the time we lost- I let them fall as I remember Leah's words.

A fresh start. That's what we need. And with that, I'll give Leah everything I should have from the beginning. This time, we won't base our relationship on sex. No, this time, I'll make sure she feels safe and secure enough to let down her walls and let me in. I'll make sure she knows that I want more than just her body. I want it all- her heart, her mind, her soul. I want to know everything about her and I want her to know everything about me.

I've never been anyone's boyfriend before, but I'll make sure I'm the best one that ever existed for Leah. I'd do anything for her and now that she's giving me another chance, I won't ever let her doubt that again.

My mouth curls as I start thinking of all the ways I plan to romance her. If old Landon could see me now, he'd tell me how big of a puss I was being and make some crack about letting a woman get me whipped.

He'd compare me to Jason and Levi, but I don't care. I think I finally get it- what they felt when they had their heads in the clouds because of Charlotte and Tessa. When I was ragging on them for being whipped, they were soaking up all the joys of having a good woman at their sides.

Maybe I was jealous back then and didn't even realize it. I couldn't have known what I was missing out on, not back then. Not until Leah. She stuck an arrow through my heart, and now I won't stop until she knows just how much that means to me.

Time passes all around us as we sit there, clinging to one another. An eternity could pass and I wouldn't know it as I hold her, letting the minutes eek by. When my eyes growtired, I let myself fall into a peaceful sleep, holding my heart in my arms.  

Too soon, I feel her stir in my lap and look down to see her sleepy eyes looking up at me. She blinks a few times, scrunching her eyes in confusion as she registers where we are. "Landon? Did we fall asleep?"

"Yeah. I didn't mean for us to. Guess we were both worn out."

She nods as she moves to sit up, using my shoulders as anchors. Her hands don't move once she's upright, letting them rest on me as she nervously bites her lip.

"So..." she starts.

"So..." I parrot, making her mouth twitch as her eyes dart away shyly.

"What do we do from here?"

I let my grip loosen around her waist as I think of an answer. My thumb lazily draws circles on her clothed stomach as I give her my suggestion. "We agreed to a fresh start. So, maybe starting off, we should come up with some ground rules so we're on the same page?"

Leah nods. "Yeah. That's a good idea."

"So, rule number one- no sex?" I ask, knowing our fresh start means taking things slow.

I feel her shift against me as her bottom lip disappears into her mouth again. I give her side an encouraging squeeze, willing her to look at me. When she does, she looks nervous. "How about nothing physical, including kissing until we're both sure we want things to progress between us."

She's still scared, but I know we both need to ease into this to make things stable. I love kissing Leah, but if she needs time to see that I'm not running for the hills, that's what she'll get. I'll romance her from here to Timbuktu if that's what it takes for her to feel safe sharing her heart with me. And I'll wait patiently for that second first kiss from her. I know it's worth it.

"Deal," I tell her, giving her shoulder an encouraging squeeze.

As she considers our next rule, I realize there's something important I need. "Next rule- if either of us starts to have a change of heart or any doubts, we'll talk about it with one another."

She gives me a sheepish smile. "Deal. And if we feel overwhelmed or need space or time, we have to communicate that as well. No ghosting or pretending that those feelings don't exist."

"Agreed."

As we continue making suggestions, one thing becomes very clear. "I think we both know we weren't the best at communicating before," I start, tilting her face to look at me. "But if we can agree to be honest this time around and make sure we talk things out, I think we'll give ourselves a fair shot at making this work."

Leah leans into my hand, nodding in agreement. "We owe that to each other," she whispers. "We were horrible at it before."

An edge of sadness creeps into her eyes again as she says it, making me want to chase away all those bad memories. I pull her into my chest, hugging her to me as I tell her, "This is a fresh start. We'll get it right this time."

The words are confident coming from my lips. I feel their truth down to my bones, willing her to feel it too. I know we'll get it right this time because we have to. I can't lose her again.

I won't.