HeaL Me...( A STORY ABOUT ADDICTION AND SALVATION)

CHAPTER 14 "Doubts And GuilT.."

( takes on from the previous Chapter )

Chapter 14
Doubts and Guilt

Wei Ying turned his head sideways when Wangji's eyes closed tightly. Wei Ying watched his knuckles whiten as he squeezed the sheets between his fingers.

Wei looked back towards his lover as he started to feel a second wave of electricity hit his body. Wuxian convulsed against Wangji before both sweating bodies collided together.

Lan Wangji rolled off of Wei Ying. He stood up, and walked away grabbing his jeans as he did.

Wei Ying blinked twice. How could he have allowed this to have happened? Worse. Why did Wei Ying pray Wangji would take him again?

Dejected, Wei Ying had pulled on Lan Zhan's t-shirt. At least he left that for Wei. Wei Ying could hear his bedroom door close and lock. Feeling hurt, Wei curled into the fetal position and rocked himself. He was to blame as much as Wangji for what transpired between them. However, Wei Ying can't help but feel used. Tears cascaded down his cheeks with the sobbing that was taking place. His shoulders shook beneath the heaviness of the actions he allowed.

His innocence was gone again as far as he was concerned. Wei Ying had lost something to Lan Wangji again. This time it wasn't his virginity, he had lost his dignity too.

Wangji caused him pain once more. That is the only reason he wanted Wei. Wangji wanted his body, not him. Wangji must have been high, Wei Ying was sure of that.

If he truly cared, he'd have stayed to sleep with Wei Ying. He would have been there to hold him after he made love.

But NO.

It wasn't Love.

They did Not make love but they had sex. That is what Lan Wangji did. Wei Ying was the only participant in making love as far as he was concerned. The fact was that Wei had loved him for so long. To have Wangji touch him so intimately had been in Wei Ying's thoughts so many times.

Wei Ying had missed that part of them. His fantasies were made up of Wangji's long slender hands caressing him, while his body took him to heaven. The mere thought of that pleasure surpassed Wei Ying's wildest imaginations the times they were together.

This time was no different. However, the emotional emptiness and pain Wei Ying was feeling equated to his worst nightmare.

Wei Ying could feel himself snubbing like a little child after a loud storm. However, he had no one to crawl beside to comfort him.

Wuxian closed his teary eyes. They felt sticky and swollen with water. How long had he been lying there holding his knees under his chin, Wei didn't know. But his tears had ceased unlike the shame and emotional pain of Lan Zhan's abandonment.

Wei Ying sniffed as he wiped his delicate hand over his aching eyes. He pulled Lan Zhan's shirt up to wipe his runny nose. He didn't care how gross or unclean it was. He felt dirty anyway.

He could smell Lan Zhan's scent on the shirt. Wei Ying clutched the white cotton material between his fingers.

Why had he left Wei Ying alone without a word? Was Wei Ying that much of a non-factor to him that he was only used for Lan Zhan's physical pleasure? Then even strang doubt hit Wei Ying. Doubt that Wei Ying had never experienced before in himself.

Had his guilt of what was happening hindered the way he made love to Lan Zhan ? Did Wei Ying not move enough? Was his body not pleasant enough to look at? Were Wei Ying's kisses too sloppy? He had always prided himself on the one act of intimacy of a kiss with Lan Zhan. He felt he had mastered that act with his soulmate. But Lan Zhan made him doubt everything--from his own body to his touches.