Charlies POV:
It's end of today's class and I'm headed my way down the hall. Bustling atmosphere has always made me a little anxious. Now everyone around me is in a hurry so they can get home as soon as possible. But not one person. I see Ben, my kinda-boyfriend, standing in the middle of the music room, staring in my direction trough the glass door. He had such demanding look in his eyes I just obeyed and followed him into the janitors closet. We stood there facing eachother for what seemed like an eternity. It felt like a battle is about to emerge out of nowhere. Him glaring at me made me so nervous.
"So, how was your summer?", I tried to calm the atmosphere.
"Why didn't you meet me earlier this morning?", he brushed off my question.
"I- wh-what?"
"You heard me."
"W-well I was a little late to class and I-"
"So, what, you couldn't even make time to see me, even after we haven't been together for the whole summer?"
"Well, no, actually, I tried to reach out to you but you didn't..."
"Oh, so you are trying to blame this on me?!"
At this point he steps closer, his frame covering mine:
"Gosh, you can't even admit when you did something wrong, you have to blame it on everyone else!"
"That's not what's happening!"
A huge wave of guilt overtook me:
"I'm sorry..."
Ben is standing over me, staring:
"You know we won't get caught, right?"
"I'm not worried about that."
In a split second he grabbed my face and put all his body weight on me so that we are leaned against the wall. Then I feel Ben's warm whisper in my ear:
"I've missed you so much Charlie."
A firm kiss fell on my lips. I was overflown with relief. The guilt was my downfall but also my fuel for loving him. We kept on kissing in the janitors room. It was messy and not so romantic but still, I just wanted him to love me, to appreciate and be with me. Then, the kissing stopped.
"I should go", the first thing Ben says to me right after kissing me.
"Oh", I whisper, "Right now?".
He sighs and then grumbles a short "Yeah".
"Well", I struggle to find my words, "Can I just... ask you something?".
"Make it quick", Ben rushes.
"I- I was just wondering", I scratch the back of my neck, "can we... make it official?".
Ben's eyes widen in disbilief. Fear is burning my whole body, especially my stomach.
"You know I'm not ready yet", Ben argues, "If the whole school finds out I'm gay, and then my parents...".
His mind just went to a dark place, it's obvious.
"No, no I was just thinking to make it official between us", I explain myself, "Nobody else has to know about us being together".
Ben is now looking at me as if he's digusted.
"Selfish, as always", he huffs and storms out of the janitors closet. I now stand all alone in here, as the guilt is burning me alive even more than before. Helpless, I slowly slip down on the ground still leaned against the wall, hugging my knees. A sworm of thoughts and feelings rush trough my mind. I am such an idiot, he deserves someone much more accepting than me. Maybe... I shouldn't bother him, or anyone, ever again. Maybe, I should just dissappear...
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Char&Nicky
Fiksi PenggemarThis story follows Nick, Charlie and their friends in the Heartstopper universe by Alice Osman as they try to figure out who they are. Nick obviously questions his sexuality as him and Charlie get closer, but also who he is when noone is looking. Wh...
