queenie//cashton

day 5

" so shut your eyes, kiss me goodbye and sleep. "

ashton pov

"ashton, you're up."

"sorry, what?" i blushed slightly as i was called out, knowing that people could tell i hadn't been listening at all.

"we were sharing the ways this support group has helped us," the group leader smiled brightly.

"oh. uh, okay. well, coming into this i didn't think it was going to help at all. and honestly, it mostly hasn't," the group leader lady gave me practically a death glare before i continued. "but the people in here, or rather, one person in here, they've helped me. they've made me happy, made me feel like i matter. which is a way i don't feel very often, with evert thing that happens at home, ya know? so yeah, that's helped me."

i could see calum blushing strongly out of the corner of my eye, and i smile lightly.

"would you care to share who that is, ashton?"

i looked up, biting my lip. calum and i hadn't even discussed talking about us during support group, i had no idea how he'd feel about it.

"i, um," i stammered nervously, not having any idea what to say. suddenly i felt a soft hand grasping mine, and i looked over to see calum nodding, a small smile on his face. i stood up with him, not letting our hands go. "i'm very happy to say that calum is my boyfriend. he's helped me through this dark time and i like to think i've helped him."

practically all of the other kids clapped and cheered, but the group leader sat scowling with her arms across her chest.

"what's that?" i said pointing to her. "what's with the.. the judgy eyes?"

she shook her head.

"correct me if i'm wrong, but both of your experiences had to do with someone close to you not supporting your sexuality, isn't that right? so you come home from something that was meant to help you heal and say 'the only good thing is i got a boyfriend'? that's not good for either of you. and what do you two even know about each other? do you go to the same school? do you live by each other? do you have any way at all to get in touch after you're discharged from the hospital? i'm sorry if this seems harsh, and i'm not stopping you two from being together, but my job is to help you recover. this isn't good for you two, i strongly advise against it."

nearly everyone in the room's jaw dropped at what had just been said. i clenched my fists, i didn't think i had ever been so angry in my life.

"i love him," i said softly, trying to stay calm and not punch the woman in the face. "i love him more than the world and i don't care what you think, he's what's best for me and i'm what's best for him."

my calm demeanor faded away and i started to get really angry.

"who the hell do you think you are?" i snapped, practically growling.

"i'm a professional, i've helped kids just like the two of you."

"you think you can ignore us for days and not help at all and then have the audacity to say you're a professional and you know what's best for us?" i was yelling by now, but i didn't care. "that's bullshit! i love him, i appreciate him, i actually try to help him. you just sit here and ramble about nonsense and force us to do and say things we don't want to do or say. but oh, you know best. of course you do, because you've been in our shoes, you've been a gay teenage boy who's been beaten or suicidal. oh wait, you haven't! you don't get it, alright, so just buzz off."

the lady looked shocked, her mouth and eyes wide open and eyebrows raised. she didn't say a thing, simply pursed her lips and nodded.

i was breathing heavily as i sat down, turning to calum. i thought he would be proud of me, would be happy that i stood up for us, but instead i was met with his sobbing face, looking more venerable and broken than i had ever seen.

"calum?" i leaned toward him, cupping his face gently. "oh my god, calum. don't cry, please babe don't cry."

he sniffled in response pulling away slightly.

"cal, please," i whispered, wanting nothing more than to wipe all his tears away and make him happy again. instead, he shook his head, leaping up from his chair and running out the door.

"calum!" i called out, immediately following.

"ashton," a boy with dark brown hair grabbed my arm gently. "maybe he needs to be alone."

i shook my head, sprinting out the door after calum and seeing him head toward his hospital room. i followed him through the doorway into the small room, closing and locking the door behind me. he was sprawled across the bed, his face buried in his pillow as he continued to cry.

"oh, calum," i whispered, sitting on the bed and gently placing my hand on his back. "baby, please talk to me."

i felt calum shift slightly, turning his head to look at me. his face was red and tears were still pouring out of his eyes, and it made me feel terrible inside.

"annoying voice, she," he paused to take a deep breath, trying to calm his crying. "she was r-right."

"i-what?"

"what she said was right ashton. this isn't the greatest idea. and that's the problem, i know that it's bad for me but.. all i want is you," he sighed, wiping tears off of his cheek. "did you mean it? when you said that you loved me."

i nodded. i had surprised myself when i said it too, but i really did love calum. "i love you," i whispered, hoping maybe it would make things better.

"i think i love you too ashton," calum said softly. "promise me you won't give up on this. please, you have to promise."

"of course babe, i promise."

calum sighed in relief, attempting to smile. "ashton?"

"hmm?"

"will you cuddle with me?" his voice was timid and small, but i couldn't stop smiling the moment i heard it.

"sure i will babe," i responded quietly, laying on my side and pulling calum into my arms. he nuzzled himself against me and grabbed my hand, placing a soft kiss on my palm.

in that moment, i knew i had fallen head over heels for calum. in that moment, i wished i hadn't.

-
-
-

i betcha no one knows how this is gonna end mwahaha

BUT MIKEY BABY ILY A LOT AND HOPE YOURE OK CAL TOO BUT MOSTLY MIKEY BC HE GOT IT WORST

-gwen xo