𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐃𝐄; boysnextdoor

if it's not you; jaehyun

You always wondered if you were pretty enough for your boyfriend. Even if everyone complimented and said that you looked pretty, you always wondered what truly they where thinking. You lowered your head trying to cover your face with hair from sides as you heard few girl talked about you.

Being a popular girl on top of having insecurities didn't help. Everything around you felt so fake at moments when tried to cover them up by saying you loved yourself when clearly you didn't. And when you have a handsome boyfriend, jaehyun who is just as popular as you made you feel as if  you aren't good enough for him.

"Y/n!" You hear your boyfriend jaehyun call you out as got out of your day dreams. You looked at him, he was waving at from the ground, looking as handsome and cute as ever. You chuckle to yourself and wave back at him. If it aren't for him, you would gave up a long time ago. He was holding you back from you ending things but couldn't help but try to push him apart from you.

You felt selfish, you always did when you looked at yourself in mirror you couldn't help but feel as if weren't deserving it even if you didn't do anything wrong.  You torn your glance away from him and clutched at hem of your school skirt, gulping as you fought back your urge to cry as you heard voices in your head telling you're ugly and that you don't deserve to live.  Suddenly everything went blank but you did felt good when everything went blank and the voices disappeared.

💟

You huffed as you struggled to get up, your eyes still closed as you opened and closed them again due to the bright light in room. A hand quickly came in to help you sit up as you opened your eyes and looked at the person helping you. It was your boyfriend, myung jaehyun you expected it to be him because you were with him when you fainted.

"Y/n are yo-" he says but got cut off by you as you quickly mumbled a sorry.

"I am so sorry. I shouldn't have behaved that way." You say pouting and  bit your lower lip, toring your glance off his as fidgeted with your fingers in nervous. You felt as if he was going to judge you, even if you knew that jaehyun was not someone who'd judge you couldn't help it.  It was as if someone was commanding you to act like that.

"Y/n that doesn't really matter right now. Just tell are you okay?" He asks holding your fidgeting hands as you nod feeling little better but the thoughts that were bugging you were still there in your mind.

"Tell me how you feel? I can comfort you" he says as he pulled himself closer to you to give comfort. You nodded understandingly but the thoughts didn't stop there, they were telling you to break up with him. You love him but the thoughts in your brain were frustrating you.

Jaehyun moves closer, trying to casually kiss you to give comfort it was his love language and you sat there still leting him kiss but just as he looked at your eyes for consent you broke out.

"Do I really deserve you?" You aks him, he apart his lips and sigh looking away from your eyes. You felt like crying as he did that. 

"Y/n I'm the one who should be thinking about that stuff." He says looking at your eyes again.

"Forget it and give me my kiss" he continues but you stop him.

"Jaehyun, stop I don't think that I deserve you. I am ugly, I can't do things properly. I am just some gi-" before you could even finish your sentence, he kissed you.

He pulled you closer to his body, creating a tension between you two. He pulls away, pressing his forehead onto yours breathing heavily.

"Y/n please don't say that again I love you and no-one else." He says gently bobbing your nose as a pink hue appeared on your cheeks. Maybe your brain was wrong but your heart totally wasn't because it felt wrong while those strange thoughts came in your mind.

"And if it's not you I don't even want to love anyone."  that was the most romantic thing you have ever heard in your life. You closed your eyes realising it all as you smiled to yourself taking a mental note not to let insecurities fall on him because he loved you more than himself and now you wanted to love him in the way he loved you.

"I love you."

"And I love you more."