Revisiting my thoughts: Poem from within [Vol 4]

Begging from the bedside

God wants us to be happy.

I am most sure of it.

I am sad right now,

But who am I to blame God?

It is not Him for it is me.

The reason for my tears.

The reason for my headache.

The reason for my confusion.

Why can't I be satisfied?

Why can't I accept this thing that is being claimed as the truth?

Seek and you shall find.

I think I found,

But I am still left unpleased.

What have I become?

Why am I becoming this way?

Why can't I just go about being okay?

What binds me?

I am the problem.

I am to blame,

Aren't I?

God, please do not be cross at me.

There is only

So much I can take.

So why was this heavy load given to me?

I am not capable.

I have limits!

...maybe I am not worthy.

...perhaps I choose to be unhappy.

I have chosen another route before

And there you were to follow me.

Could this be the same?

Yes, I am still scared.

Yes, I just do not want to displease you.

No, I do not want this decision

To continue to fuel my anger and confusion.

Save me.

Forgive me.

Guide me.

Hold me.

Stop me.