Sempiternal: • A.L.I.V.(d)E(ad)? • || BOOK 7#

13. Deep

"Am I supposed to talk about anything?"

Whatever makes you uneasy, whatever makes you feel insecure, some specific feeling. You're free to elaborate on what you say.

"I... I don't know if it's.... Ridiculous-victimizing, talking about it." Yoongi scratches behind his ear and gets the feeling that it's very theatrical to explain what he feels. That maybe he should stay inside himself and not create a fuss. Plus exposing it to someone he doesn't know overwhelms him. It makes him feel exposed.

For example, is there anything you think you can be victimized with?

"When I almost got eaten."

Do you think a lot at that moment?

"Not intentionally. My body just...remembers" You get an unpleasant shiver. "And I freeze. I can't walk. I can't think of anything else. I just..."

However, you have managed to pass a very important test. You're still alive in spite of everything.

"They forced me to do it" Corrects Yoongi, surly and tense in his seat. "I didn't want to- I tried and they wouldn't let me die."

Do you still want to die?

"I don't know. I don't think so... Because here they can't catch me and here they can't touch me." muses Yoongi, doubtful. He doesn't know about himself in this regard. Maybe if he tries, he would go so far as to slit his wrists, even intoxicate himself with pills. To escape from the unpleasant, attacking feeling he suffers.

Let's move on to a less... Delicate. Maybe you look How did it feel to see the scar on your face?

"Bad. I hated them for hiding it."

Hum... Why do you think they did that?

"They thought it would help me "he grumbles in disgust. "That it would make me feel better to think I was unmarked from what happened, but I had to know! It's my face, it's my shitty body. It's... It's the fucking place where I have to continue to exist. They had no right to hide it." letting that discomfort flow is not new, but something she needs. She makes a quick note and taps the pad with the pen.

Don't you like your body?

"No."

Why?

"It's waste."

Scrap.

"It's something that's barely hanging on. I wish they would have let me go..... Instead of letting me go on living in this.... Nasty shell."

Diagnosis: depression (severe), post-traumatic stress disorder, open space phobia.

~ * * * ~

"Jungkook, you're not helping."

The younger boy shrugs and continues on his way, carrying Jimin on his back to keep him company while he's at his boxing practice. He's hopeful that he'll be up for joining in if he sees him.

Namjoon rubs his temple, hopefully getting Jungkook to pay even the slightest attention to him. It's so impossible these days. At least the psychologist listens to him. He guesses he has to settle for that.

He notices Taehyung. He is engaged in drawing while listening to music with headphones on. Jin reads, Yoongi writes just like Hoseok. It is quite quiet and secluded as they stay inside the room. Occasionally they go out to the garden to do the same, but they haven't had much contact with anyone.

Not even with each other. They find it so hard to be in the mood for that. They have adjusted to life here. It's simpler. They have all this time inhabiting a similar place.