An Unlikely Love Affair

26 - Fight to make up

IRENE

There is nothing quite like waking up beside someone you truly adore in the early hours of the morning, when life's harsh realities have not settled in yet and you look on in utter admiration as natural light hits your lover's bare face.

I haven't slept this soundly in a long time. The exhaustion from dealing with the events of the night before may be a factor but the warmth and comfort of being tangled up with Lisa in the same bed is certainly the prime reason.

The memory of last night's affairs remained fresh in my mind as I watched my young lover sleep. It's not so much the jealousy and fights that has ingrained itself in my head, it's the making up after.

Jealousy is a given in our line of work. It comes with the territory to interact and be paired up with a lot of different people. Seeing your partner get up close and personal with someone that's not you will surely elicit strong emotions that often lead to unbecoming attitude and shift in priorities. Maybe this is one of the reasons why companies prohibit dating. It is too much of a distraction and can easily push one to do foolish things. As for me, I've never been a fool for anyone but with Lisa I lose my wits.

The virulent sentiments often consume both of us to a point where the only thing that can soothe the tension is to offset it with something equally consuming and absolutely mind blowing. Hence, the amazing love making that ensues every argument.

It might seem contrary to my character but as I lay awake beside Lisa it occurred to me that I'm fine with falling into a pattern of making up by making love.

She is exceptionally good at this. Making it up to me by honing in on my weak spots. Effectively charming and beguiling her way back into my good graces. You'd think she's had some experience the way she does the things she does so effortlessly. Sometimes I wonder if she's ever made love to anyone other than me in the past. Maybe with Jennie or some forgotten ex girlfriend prior to their debut or a much older woman who taught her everything she knows. She didn't say and I never bothered to ask.

I, on the other hand, have just experienced being pleasured and have never given pleasure to anyone, so I'm practically clueless. Lisa's my first and although she always assures me that making me feel good and seeing me climax is enough to bring her to the edge, I still feel bad not knowing how to return the favor.

I sidled up to her, stopping close enough to hear her  ragged and uneven breathing. Her brows were knitted and jaws clenched. It almost looked like she was sleeping through an unpleasant dream.

She stirred a little as I kissed her pursed lips lightly, hoping that this would transform her dream into a good one. I brushed the loose hair that covered some part of her face and tucked it behind her ear while I continued to stare at her doll-like features.

"Chan rak khun, Lalisa." I whispered. I'm not sure if I'm saying it right but according to google this is how you say I love you in Thai. I've been sort of practicing for when I'm ready to finally admit it to her. If I'll ever be ready, that is. Saying it out aloud only makes the truth definite and inescapable; that, in a way, scares me.

What's even scarier is how I went from believing that love is too strong a word to identify such simple feelings, to considering it as the only word that can describe this unfathomable thing that's making me act like a lovesick teenager.

From the very beginning of our relationship, I've been plagued by fear, and now that things are getting serious, the reality of eventually having to publicly own up to it dawned on me. I know our fans could possibly understand but the rest of the world might not. Especially in this hypersensitive and conservative society. Would I ever be ready to face that kind of ordeal?