To Hurt and To Heal

Answering the Ashes

Living without the truth was one thing, but the feeling of betrayal was another. I was at my lowest but I know I've been through worse. Truly hoping the week would improve, but waiting was a vigorous journey. I was positive I was going to run away this time, I kept on telling myself, 'just one more day,' but each day I held on for a little longer, I continued to lose myself.

I could feel it getting worse too. But somehow, I managed. We didn't talk much in the next few days, mostly because neither one of us knew what to say. I knew exactly what I wanted to say actually, but what I meant- well...there was no easy way to put it. I wanted an explanation, I think we both want one, but with my defence record...I had low hopes of ever sharing how I feel and it's always been like that so I wasn't an inch surprised when Padfoot walked up the creaking spiral stairs and knocked on my door. Well- it wasn't really mine, was it? Nothing is really mine.

"Come on in." I say, "You don't have to knock, you know."

He stood in the doorway, half wedged between the hallway and the room. "Delphi." He states, affirmingly. "I would- there's something I do need to tell you so bear with me because I don't quite know how to put this lightly..."

"Put this lightly?" I ask and I can't help but scrunch my nose in the process. "There's nothing you can 'put lightly,' just...speak the truth, please."

"The thing is- I made a promise."

"To my friend, the one I've told you about before. You see- when he died, I was in a dark place. The lot of us were and needless to say, I didn't make the best choices."

"I went to a dark place, Delphi."

"Mentally. And physically. I got caught up with people who weren't good...for me. If you know anything about me or people in general, it's that the world can be an unkind place filled with unkind people," he pauses. "And as I said earlier, sometimes the path we choose is not the path that's right."

"Thank you for telling, but...I don't mean to sound forward, but how does this have to do with me?"

He nods, then takes a deep breath in, rushing the next words, "this-is-my-fault."

"All of it, Delphi. That's the thing- I owe too much to these-" he waves his hands around, searching for the right word, "powerful people."

I nodded, I didn't understand what he was trying to say but I could tell it was important to my story on some level at least.

"One of these people was Rodolphus."

"No offence, but that's kind of stating the obvious," I laugh a little.

He laughs back, "Yes but what you don't know is...I had this deal with him, years ago."

"And this so-called deal has put me in the position of your care."

I tilt my head, shaking my hands. "I'm a deal."

"Are you alright?" He noticed.

"No, I'm not 'alright.' You know what this is- it's a bet, a trade, a ruse."

"Delphi-"

"So no, I'm not alright or fine or happy because in all of my years at least I had trust. I knew deep down what was going on and what was happening and now I am so unsure, it hurts."

Toning my voice down to a whisper, "I've been used before, hell- I've been hurt before and even tortured." I had no idea what else to say yet this conversation seemed so familiar, "It isn't fair, I don't want to be- I am not normal, I've never been normal," I pause, "I AM THE DAUGHTER OF BLOODY VOLDEMORT."

He walked over slowly, putting a hand on my back, "Don't-"

I shrug him off, falling backwards onto the bed as I bury my face in my hands. "I'll give you your time."