Slow Down - Jaywon

19: 'Third time'

Eventually Jay would get busier on the weekends and even busier on the weekdays. He had classes that were mandatory to attend, and shifts he couldn't abandon. University would shove assignments next to his side. Work would pilfer his time.

Days would evolve into weeks, then those weeks would evolve into a month. Jay would still visit Jungwon, but everyday visits would turn to every other day then to three times or just two times a week, For the days that he wasn't there, his heart would beat into overdrive evermore.

Jay was fine with it against his own will because it wasn't like he could change anything. (Well unless quitting his job, and skipping classes-therefore risking getting pulled out of something his parents were paying for-was a change that could fit in that category.)

Jay had come back to the dorm late on a sluggish Thursday. He had grown used to it just being him like how it used to be, but it didn't feel as good as the past him thought it would. It was one of the moments where he realized firsthand to be careful of what he wished for.

If Jay knew that his desire to live by himself in the dorm would result in this, he would have never had wished for it. He wondered if this was some wicked play; some Shakespeare tragedy. They always went something like this, right?

Jay glanced about the room, spotting things here and there. Jungwon's shoes were still near the door. Damn, he would always be reminded of him no matter where he went. Even in class he found the smallest things that made him think about Jungwon because of a small similarity, same for work.

For a minute, Jay pondered over when the boy harbored such a big space of his mind.

The rooms were cold, though, Jay was sure he had noticed that it was only 22 degrees inside in terms of celsius. He didn't shrug off his jacket like he normally would. Repetitive chills shot up traveling his veins and he decided with a loud exhale that maybe he should leave.

Jay couldn't get comfortable in a place that felt less and less like a home as the days progressed.

It wouldn't hurt to pay Jungwon another visit even though it was late. It could make up for the fact that he only came once last week, though, not that Jungwon was conscious to keep tally of the amount of times he came over anyway.

Jay stood outside of his car with his hands in his pockets. It felt gelid and he wanted nothing more than to heat up in his car, but he needed the air. He only felt like he was able to breathe when he was outside, when he felt the sharpness of the frigid air scrape the path to his lungs. As painful as that sounded, nothing pained more than the condition Jungwon was in, and has been in for a month.

"This is my life," Jay mused, snickering pitifully at his own misfortune.

Yes, it was.

The ride to the hospital was nothing, Jay had grown desensitized to the despair it brung. He confirmed himself at the desk in under maybe two minutes. The person working at the desk was the one he had encountered the most on his trips here. It was a mutual recognition.

It was all nothing, but seeing Jungwon was something. Something downright breaking. An image Jay had and will never grow careless towards. Nurse Lee presented him with a benign smile and stood out of the way for him to traipse over to the chair near Jungwon's bed.

Was he ever going to wake up? A fleeting thought told Jay that he'd just be coming forever, until Jungwon's heartbeat flatlines or until he loses the will to return. They said that it would only be a few or a couple of days but it's been a month. Unless a month was what they were referring to in 'nurse talk'.

"Will you be okay by yourself for some time? I can lead you out if not. I have another patient to attend to," she gently told him.

Jay shook his head first before saying no, never once looking up from the boy on the bed. No matter how haunting it appeared, he just couldn't look away. Nurse Lee left the room, sending him a frowning look that he didn't catch.