HIRAYA

DISYEMBRE, KASAMA KA.

The 25th of December 2022 will always be the most memorable day of my life.

And probably, the most painful too.

"Ang tanging hangad ng puso'y ikaw."

Araw-araw kong binabalikan ang araw na unang beses kitang nakita sa malapitan. Iyon ang isa sa mga pinakamahalagang araw ng buhay ko, kahit isang beses lang iyon nangyari. For the first time in my life, I was able to see how beautiful your smile is up close. At first, I didn't notice the small details because I didn't pay attention that much, but looking back... it was one of the most precious moments. The way you wave your hand the moment you went out of that car of yours and smiled at me is something that I shouldn't have ignore. When I first saw you, I had seen your smile first, it was the purest. Bagay na habangbuhay kong alalahanin.

I love how you bravely talk to my parents just to take me out because you're aware how burned out I was, and ask permission to enter my room because you know I was breaking down. I was indeed overwhelmed by what you had done.

I'm not your responsibility but you did took me away from the cruelty of the world. Noong unang meet up natin na magkakasama lahat, hindi kita masyadong natutukan. Pero noong tayong dalawa na lang, I was able to stay close to you and see how beautiful you are.

You had drove far just to comfort me. Nasasaktan ako at alam mo kung gaano kasakit ang nararamdaman ko kaya hindi ka nagdalawang isip, hindi mo ako hinayaan mag-isa.

Hinayaan mo akong umiyak sa balikat mo kahit bagong laba lang ang polo mo. Bagong gising lang ako at hindi pa ako nakapagsipilyo, pero walang duda mo akong niyakap at hinayaang umiyak sa iyo. Pinunasan mo ang mga luha ko.

I broke down noong tinanong mo ako na kumusta na ako kasi hindi ko naman alam kung paano sasabihin sa iyo dahil hindi ko rin maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko.

Pero masaya ako dahil kinumusta mo ako.

I genuinely seen how much you had cared for me. It's the first time someone did that.

You're the most cruel person in the eyes of the people around me, but to me, you were the most beautiful one. They don't understand because they haven't seen that side of you.

Hindi ka nila nakitang ngumiti ng malapad habang tinitingnan ang malakas na alon. Hindi nila nakita kung paano mo ako sinalo noong panahong nahuhulog na ako at pinatawa noong panahong nasasaktan na ako.

I love every side of you.

Including the ones that are unseen.

Mahal kita, at minsan kong hiniling na sana sa susunod na disyembre ay kasama na kita kasi malungkot ang pasko kapag hindi kita kasama kasi iba pa rin pala talaga noong una dahil naramdaman ko kung paano mo ako pinalaya. Minsan mo akong pinalaya.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung anong klaseng pagmamahal ang meron ako pagdating sa iyo, kasi hindi ko naman maipaliwanag dahil biglaan lang kitang minahal. Kaibigan ka lang dapat sa paningin ko pero bigla ka na lang lumiwanag at pinatibok ang puso ko.

Isang pagmamahal na hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipapaliwanag.

I love you. But I can't prove that because I don't know what kind of love I have for you. It's something else.