Hotline {Soukoku}

{3}

An October evening is interesting. You don't know if its going to be somewhat warm, or completely cold. It is only the beginning of fall, after all, meaning some remnants of summer still remain.

Tonight seemed as though it could still go either way, as it was only the afternoon. The sun was hidden behind a mostly cloudy sky at the moment, leaving ample shade throughout the area. There was a slight breeze, not too bad, just a bit refreshing.

It had been approximately two days since Dazai had stepped foot outside of his apartment. Why would he ever need to leave? He wasn't employed, his roommate liked to take care of the grocery shopping, gas is expensive, there is truly no reason to ever leave the comfort of your own home.

"Dazai, as much as I am glad to be helping you out, I think I might be needing some help as well."

The brunette man was sitting in the beanbag chair in the living room, his long legs barely being accommodated, listening to his best friend talk to him. The other man was sitting on the couch, having just gotten back to the apartment, when he decided to sit the other down for a discussion.

"What do you mean?" Dazai asked in response. Usually the man would crack a joke, not being able to have a serious conversation, but this felt a bit different. The jokes will be put on pause, for now.

The other man looked down, it seemed he felt guilty in bringing up the conversation, he wouldn't even look Dazai in the eyes. He responded, "I mean.. it's difficult. Rent has recently gone up, gas is a bitch, groceries as well, everything really. I'm having trouble paying for it all on my own." He kept a firm but soft voice.

The topic wasn't the greatest, but it was to be expected at some point. Dazai looked down, "I see.. are the kids at least okay? I know they mean a lot to you, Odasaku."

Oda nodded, "Yes, they're okay. I do have enough money to take care of them, its things here that I think I may need a bit of help with. I don't need a lot, I just need a bit of help with rent, I promise I can keep doing everything else." He seemed adamant in everything he said.

The man on the beanbag sighed, he shook his head, "I know what you want to do, but come on, if I tried, I could probably help out more than that. I can probably do close to half of everything."

The redhead shook his head promptly, very much against the idea, "No, I don't want you doing that. And you know why, before you try to disagree."

Yes, unfortunately, the brunette remembered very well what the older man was talking about.

A really, really bad time in his life. One he might not have made it out of, had it not been for the older gentleman he now lives with. To say he owes his life to his best friend is no overstatement. Ever since everything happened, the suicidal man has lived with Oda, his older best friend, and mentor. They're like brothers, the way they've both looked after each other for so long now.

Dazai had no defense against Oda's rejection. Nothing he could say would help his case, which, for once, made him feel a little bad. He knows how much the older man does for him, yet it doesn't feel like there's any reward for him. He felt a bit undeserving, but he'd never admit it. Suicide is a joke for him, he will joke about it with just about anyone that might listen to him, but that isn't all it is.

For a long time, it wasn't just a joke, it was a goal.

Even now, it remains on his radar. It teeters between joke and real life goal constantly, but ever since moving in with Oda, it's mostly been a joke. Or rather, an unattainable goal.

The suicidal man has one very important rule, and that is to not disturb or inconvenience anyone with his death. The toaster was a fluke, he honestly didn't think it would genuinely kill him. He had no reason to believe he wouldn't die, it was mostly because he didn't think enough about it at the time. Depression is a hell of a drug, one that'll stump ones thoughts oftentimes. The cloudiness eventually leaves, and one might realize what they've done only afterwards.