Letters to My Girl

College

College was another mixed bag. I attended the local community college the autumn of 95, and The Art Institute of Pittsburgh Online in 05. You probably remember the latter unhappily. I made you wake up one night to sing "please don't take my Sunshine away" for one of the animatics I had to make, not letting you go back to sleep until I had a usable recording. Saying I deeply wish I was a better mother back then is useless,  but I say it anyway.  I was a deeply self involved person, in denial about needing psychiatric care, and married to your father,  who  had cheated on me with a very young co-worker, 6 months after we married. No excuse, that's just why I did what I did. I'm sorry. I know sorry doesn't fix a damned thing,  but I am.

                                                                                                             .....

The first college I attended was located in Oregon, across the river/border from the town in Idaho where I grew up. I had a single room in the quiet dorm, which was separated by binary genders; women on the top floor, men on the ground floor, a communal bathroom with showers on each floor. People joked that I lived in a "glorified shoe box." There was room for a single bed, a desk, a mini fridge and the drafting board your grandmother bought me. I had an electric kettle, in which I  cooked ramen and boiled water for tea and cappuccino. I pretty much lived off those, when I didn't eat in the cafeteria or at your grandmother's house. I loved living there. If I outlive my husband and boyfriend,  I want an apartment that tiny.

Classes were both video courses and in person, and because my high school counselor knew nothing about art, I was signed up to earn an Associate degree in Fine Art, minoring in Music. It was great; all the art and music classes I could get ahold of, and it was when the internet had gained some traction (yes, yes, I know I'm old.)

I'd made it into the Women's Chorale program, and sang with the Vocal Express, just like your grandmother did when she attended that college. When I was enrolled there, she was working there, so between my work study as a part time library evening clerk, Pell grants, scholarships from high school and her employment there, I had a full ride, with a little extra money for food and books.

The Vocal Express was a co-ed show choir, and it was a Summer Olympic year when we were booked to perform in Disneyland and Universal Studios in California. I set my alarm the night before,  but I must have screwed up the time, because when I got to the director's home, everyone had already left. Crying like a baby, I called his secretary and asked for help. Bless her, she helped change my flight (paying the $300 US fee, which I'm embarrassed to say I never did repay,) got me to the airport and made certain I got to the hotel where we were to stay. I am determined to find and repay her, if she's still alive.

We arrived in Disneyland,  and were informed that our performance there had been canceled,  so we just spent the day on rides and such. The Indiana Jones ride was brand new, and the director, his wife and most of the choir were in line to ride when some of us thought that the ride reminded us of one of Eastern European songs we were supposed to perform, and quietly began singing.  Our director heard and stopped us, saying "if we're going to sing,  we're going to sing it right." So, he had us all sing the song at normal volume,  and there were enough of us to cover each of the parts. We finished the song to the applause of the other people in line, who likely thought we were part of the ride,  since we were all in uniform. That was before YouTube or cellphones which had video capabilities,  or someone likely would have posted it online.

At Universal Studios,  we did get to perform our full set. But because of the Olympics,  they had mats on the stage for the gymnastic routine on deck. While singing one song, we paired up and danced some Lindy Hop moves. But my high heels caught in the mats, and I would have fallen off the stage if not for my partner's quick reflexes. He caught me and smoothly dipped me without missing a beat, so it didn't even look like I had been about to fall!

I loved my Drama courses too. I took some of those classes as part of my major, others that somehow paid for me to stay in the dorms. I helped build the set for the school's performance of the musical Oklahoma!, and the funniest part of one night's performance was the actor playing Jud having done something that made him curse out of character. Being a largely Mormon cast and audience, the house roared with laughter at his expense, and it was a literal showstopper.

Unfortunately,  while at college I also became heavily addicted to the internet. It had chat rooms. I met people who taught me how to play Turn Based Text Roleplaying Games, paragraph format (TT1RPG,) who read books I loved, and who introduced me to the Society for Creative Anachonisms (SCA.) My typing speed increased from 45 wpm to 165 in less than a year just from keeping up with the chat rooms. I stayed in the Art department late into the nights, using their computers for gaming and chatting.

When I was at work in the campus library, my coworker and I would be online when there was no one else in the library. Our boss came in one night, and because she was using the computer out in front (I used one of the ones in the back room, ) she threw me under the bus and acted like I was the only one using the computer for something other than work. He came in and admonished me, rather kindly, to stay out at circulation even if the library was empty.  That curbed my usage on that end, but I was still up late the nights I wasn't at work,  surfing the net, printing anime pictures to decorate my dorm with, and chatting/gaming. More about that addiction and how I beat it in a later letter.

I met my first husband online at that time (and as a result left college to marry him,) but that is a letter unto itself. We are jumping ahead to the second "college" I attended,  and the next letter will be about my marriages. I write college in quotes because it was a swindle,  but I didn't find out until I had long been dropped from the program,  so I am still stuck with the debt for a degree I didn't get to finish earning. The Art Institute is a supposedly respected college,  but the online division was a scam.

I found out about them via tv commercial,  I believe,  and after speaking with a counselor and getting help with applying for grants and loans, I signed up for the Graphic Design Associates degree program. I was still operating under my old guidance counselor's mistakes,  and soon learned that I was in the wrong program for my chosen field,  animation. I contacted my advisor,  and they helped me enroll in their brand new Media Arts & Animation Bachelors degree program.

While I learned enough to be an animator,  it was during the height of my then-untreated mental illness,  so I couldn't keep up with the course loads, flunked and re-took several of them. It burned through my student loans,  and I ran out of money I could borrow 66 credits away from graduating. Only then, my student advisor informed me that I had to either borrow money from private banks instead of government student loans (or quit college again.) I then learned that the dropout rate from that school when that close to graduating was over 75%. They were eventually caught and shut down for several similar shady practices,  and when that happened,  it was a decade after I'd already been forced to quit, so I don't qualify for loan forgiveness until 25 years after the day I quit.

Many of the teachers were also actively employed by major animation studios, and one who worked for Disney on "The Princess and the Frog" gave us an assignment to create a treatment for an animated series that we wanted prospective studios to pick up. I designed "Ever After," which followed a school for the children of all (generationally traumatized)  fairytale royalty to attend together. A few examples are: Snow White's daughter was as beautiful as she, but was dressed in rags and unkempt,  in case someone like her stepmother tried to kill her out of jealousy; Belle's son was as handsome as his father before the curse,  but was even more arrogant, and bullied Snow White's daughter over her appearance. Rapunzel's twins were shorn of all their hair, and told never to let anyone convince them to let it grow,  lest they be kidnapped and trapped in a tower. They traveled from all over the world, ostensibly to obtain royal education,  but their teacher would over time help each of them heal from and end the cycle of generational trauma. The teacher said they liked my story and lineart, but since I couldn't keep up with the coursework, that was one of the classes I flunked. Does that treatment sound like any current Disney series? Yep. Can I do anything about it? Nope.

I have thought about going back to college here, since tuition is free. I am attempting to launch our business,  so that's my priority instead. Have you attended any colleges,  are you currently? If so, I hope it's legitimate,  that you are in the right program, and that you don't end up with a mountain of debt with no degree to show for it.