So Keep In Happiness And Torture Me

You Better Make A Choice Tonight

I wasn't thinking about where I was going or what I was trying to do when I walked away from Jesse and Justin.  The anger was burning in me, although I wasn't quite sure what it was directed at, and that was my fuel.  But as I walked I began to sober up again, and before I knew it I realised Taco Bell was two shops down from where I was now.  I wondered if it was really a coincidence I'd ended up here or whether it had subconsciously been my destination all along; but I did know that now I was here I was extremely reluctant to simply turn back to the studio or my friends.  I didn't know what, if anything, I'd find and what I even wanted to find but I could not resist trying to find Jack and Alex now I was here.

I told myself it was only going to be a quick walk past and a peer in the window, but I couldn't see either of them.  I was disappointed but thought that if I couldn't see them then surely there was no harm in buying a drink there since I hadn't had time to finish my last one.  I walked right in.  I think I was fully aware that they would be in there after all and that I'd see them.  Sure enough, in the corner of the place near the tills sat two familiar-looking guys.  A taller guy who had dark brown hair with a blonde streak was sat opposite a slightly smaller guy flippy light brown hair and a Jagx T-shirt: that was the first thing I noticed.  Then I realised that they were both leaned in tightly to each other and the smaller one's hands was outstretched, playing with the fingers of the dark-haired man.  He then whispered something in his ear that earned a playful giggle.  I had stopped in the middle of the restaurant to watch them, my eyes glued to the scene and my feet glued to the ground.  The woman next to me murmured something to her friend about homophobics, which I registered as being ironic but I didn't even care enough to feel annoyed.  I decided not to march over to them yet - I wouldn't have known what to say anyway - and instead proceeded in getting my coffee.

I wanted them to notice me so they'd feel guilty and I'd feel smugly satisfied but they seemed to absorbed in each other because when I peered over there out of the corner of my eye they were still in a world with just the two of them.

"Can I help you?" asked the girl behind the till impatiently; I wondered how long I'd daydreamed for.

"Sorry, a cappuchino please."

"Hey, is that Alex Gaskarth?" a high-pitched voice squealed from behind me.  I fought the instinct to turn around and turned to the opposite corner of the room, hoping nobody would notice me.

"Oh my god it is!"  shouted another teenage girl; "and that's Jack Barakat too!

"Hey girls, nice to meet you."  Jack sounded a little flustered and I could just picture his sheepish smile as he looked at the ground and his cheeks reddened.

"Can we have a photo?"

"Yeah, sure!" Alex said cheerfully.  The worker handed me my coffee and I took a sip, trying to calm myself.

"So are you two actually together?" One of the girls asked.

""Yeah guys, are you actually together?" I turned around and asked.  The four for of them just stared at me, and I couldn't tell who looked the most surprised and embarassed.

"Kellin Quinn!" the short, blonde girl whispered to her dark-haired friend with a look of excitement and controversy.

"No, of course we're not!" Jack said quickly to me and tried to laugh it off but Alex looked pretty annoyed and the girls looked as unconvinced as I felt.

"What are you then?  Because clearly there's something going on here."

"Kellin, not here please, not in front of my fans and everybody else."

"If you care this much about what other people think than how I feel what the fuck are you two doing acting all loved up in one of America's most popular cafes?"  I was playing games and I knew it.

"Stop acting like a dick Kellin, you know you don't really want a scene!"  Alex stepped in protectively.

"Yeah like I'm the bad guy of this one.  I think it's best if I just let you two resume whatever you're doing."  I began to walk away, not for the first time today.

"Kellin, please-"

"Save your breath Jack."  I told him.

"Yeah Jack, save your breath," Alex told him.  Jack didn't follow me.

When I'd been arguing with Jack I'd felt powerful and in control but as soon as I was on my own I realised that actually I was pretty upset.  I surprised myself by being this grief-stricken - I'd wanted to end things with Jack for a long time and I knew my heart lay with Vic.  But the surprise of finding out that it had been him that had betrayed me and that I'd had no idea until now hurt more than a little.  I rushed into the nearest public toilets and shut myself in literally two seconds before the tears began to fall.  I stuffed my hand into my mouth to stop any whimpers escaping but allowing the salty water droplets to fall freely, almost relishing the familiar feel of comfort.  My boyfriend was cheating on me with my friend, the guy I was in love with was in love with another girl and I just had no idea what I was supposed to do anymore.