So Keep In Happiness And Torture Me

Now I Don't Wanna Feel A Thing Anymore

I wondered if Vic wanted me to stop up here until I could sneak out or walk down and join him and Louisa in an unsuspicious way, and just as I was seriously considering climbing out the window my phone buzzed.  It was Vic: 'I've told Lou you came over, come down and act normal'.  I took a deep breath and made my way down.

I soon walked into the lounge to find Louisa curled up on the sofa in what had been my space,her head resting on Vic's chest and her hand stretched on his thigh.  I tried to hide my repulse.

"Hey Kel, I was beginning to wonder what you were doing up there," joked Vic, and Louisa echoed a giggle.  It felt like it was them against me again and as much as I adored Vic I couldn't help but feel spiteful towards him.  He was acting as though nothing had happened between us.

"Huh," I smiled half-heartedly.

"What have you two boys been doing then?" Louisa asked, almost mockingly.

"Oh, just been doing a bit of Xbox and TV, you know, the usual," Vic said quickly.  I felt hurt - not only was he lying about what had really happened he was obviously afraid that I couldn't be trusted with the secret.

"It's a good job I came back, you would have been at it all night otherwise."

"If you'd have been much later Kellin would have been crying too, he's such a sore loser when it comes to video games."  Great.  He was even humiliating him.

"Very funny.  I'm going to get a drink," I mumbled, and wandered away from the situation I didn't want to be in.

"I think I'll go get a bite to eat, I'm hungry," Louisa said, and followed me into the kitchen.  My heart sank: her mere presence was draining all my energy and spirit.  To my surprise, when we'd both got into the room I heard the door be firmly closed behind us and turned in surprise.  She smiled at me in a false, ominous way and walked towards me.

"I know your sweet, little secret by the way," she whispered in my ear.

"Enlighten me, p-please."  I wanted to be foreboding and scary like her but I just sounded like a little boy.  She laughed.

"It's pitifully obvious that you're in love with Vic, Kellin."  I remained silent but looked at the ground, blushing.

"I just wanted to tell you that it's time to give up.  Vic is mine and I'm everything he's ever wanted.  Don't you want him to be happy?"

"Vic deserves better than someone like you," I whispered angrily,  disbelieving.

"What could you give him that I can't?" she asked mockingly.

"I know him a hundred times better than you do and I actually care about him, not just a stupid little game."

"If you're not interested in games then I'd like to know what you were doing coming here when I was gone and trying to play out your sick little fantasy."  Shit, so she knew what had happened.

"That wasn't a game, that was the naturalest thing in the world.  Besides, he wanted it too."

"You got him so drunk he didn't know what he was doing.  You disgust me."

"They say drunken words and actions and sober thoughts.  And he wasn't even that drunk.  Look at him, he can string his sentences and walk straight perfectly well."

"Oh Kellin, give it up and face the facts.  The person who's face you're staring at now is Vic's girlfriend and all you are is the deluded friend who's only claim to Vic is that this one time when you were both drunk he made a move on you.  You know that it's a different story sober - shit, he's always saying how you freak him out a bit but he feels sorry for you."

"He feels sorry for me?"  I didn't really believe he said that, yet it hurt all the same.

"Oh I'm sorry honey, you didn't realise?" she asked sarcastically.

"Save your breath, I know bullshit when I hear it."  I was surprised how unsure I sounded.

"The other day he told me that it makes him feel uneasy how you so obviously like him in the way he doesn't want, but he's too scared to confront you because he's scared of what you'd do."

"Doesn't sound like what somebody who doesn't give a shit about me would say."

"Caring about a person and wanting to sleep at night are different things."

"You wouldn't know anything about caring or having a conscience."

"But that's irrelevant to the issue at hand."

"I'll tell you what's obvious: your jealousy.  I thought you were twenty six, not a middle-schooler."  She just stood and laughed, still and icy as ever.  Then Vic came in with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Are you guys okay in here?  You've been longer than I was expecting."

"We're fine love," Louisa told him straightaway before I could get a word in.

"I was just telling Louisa that I'm leaving," I mumbled and began to leave, without so much as looking Vic in the face.

"Wait, Kellin, I thought you said you'd stay until at least twelve."

"I've just remembered I have some stuff to do," I said vaguely, and walked out as quickly as I could manage.  As soon as the fresh air hit my face the familiar lump in my throat began to rise.  One day had passed and I'd lost the two most constant people in my life: Vic and Jack.  Guess I was going to be sleeping in the car tonight, I thought grimly.