Vivi

VII

What the hell am I doing? asked a little voice in Vivi's head as she balanced on a jumping horse in the gym.

A deeper part of Vivi held that little voice with compassion.

Yes, it's all very hard to wrap my head around.

It's nuts!

I know. It's nuts. No one's ever done this before.

How the heck do you think you can do anything meaningful here? You can't change him.

I know it's going to be hard. I... just need to connect with him. I need to reach the real "him".

And what if you can't? What if he's just a murderer?

No one's *just* a murderer.

Vivi let herself down from the jumping horse and moved onto the climbing ropes.

Why don't I have phone reception up here? Vivi asked herself. It's not like the satellites are too far away.

...I can if I want to, came the next thought.

Logically, that meant she didn't really want to. She thought about it. Peter would try and talk her out of this. Celine would be mortified. Maybe she would learn about the police coming up with some threat to try and keep her in line.

Already Vivi didn't want to think about it anymore. No, she had to do this herself. She had to trust herself, even when this whole thing didn't make that much sense.

Vivi leapt from the ropes and did a backflip before landing. She wiped sweat from her forehead and went into the neighbouring room, which she knew by instinct was the bathroom.

Typical for Vivi's unique sense of plumbing, the room was humid, hot, and lush with dark green vegetation. Blue hummingbirds flirted with large pink trumpet-like flowers. Overall, the room could have been mistaken for a particularly stunning rainforest garden, except that the steaming pool in the centre was perfectly clear and fed a stream which flowed upwards, Escher-style, to rain back down into the pool.

Vivi took off her clothes, waded into the pool, and picked a conveniently placed purple soap-fruit. She squeezed its juices into her hand and stepped under the gentle waterfall.

The water was hot and comforting. Vivi sighed, and just enjoyed the experience.

What's the endgame here? Vivi asked herself as she dried off. Immediately, she felt it, half-remembered it from her time in the place beyond death. I can trust myself, she thought. I know what I'm doing. Somehow.

*

Shockwave was sitting at the table, scribbling angrily on a piece of paper. There was no rhyme or reason to it – just violent, chaotic lines. By the look of the similar pages on the floor, he'd been at it a while. Vivi made him a wastepaper basket without thinking. Shockwave glared up at her, brandished his middle finger and then pointedly turned his back to her.

"I guess you're really angry, Shockwave," said Vivi. Do I really have to keep saying that name?

Shockwave didn't reply. "I guess you're confused, and angry, and want to know what the hell I'm doing with you."

Vivi stood there for a while, feeling concern and a little nervousness.

"I'm just going to sit here," said Vivi. The acceleration couch had already morphed into something more appropriate for everyday use. Comfortable, but upright enough to keep Vivi alert.

Shockwave's body language looked tense. He shook a little. Was that rage? Fear? Vivi let awareness of her breath keep her centred.

I'm scared, came an inner voice in Vivi. She silently gave that part of her some love, then gazed at Shockwave in concern again. She observed her breath. She felt love.

Shockwave glanced angrily back at Vivi for just a moment. A minute later, he looked again, this time with a softer expression, perhaps confusion. Vivi raised her eyebrows at him in concern. Shockwave looked away again.

"I want to talk, but I also don't want to push you," said Vivi. "I know it must be hard."

Shockwave said nothing for several long minutes. Suddenly, he swung around in his chair and stared at Vivi defiantly. Vivi smiled at him with a concerned expression and waited.

As if coming to some conclusion, Shockwave looked pained for a moment, put his face in his palm, and pointed at his ear.

"Oh... Oh," said Vivi. "Did you deafen yourself?"

Shockwave didn't respond, just continued to hide his face and point.

"You poor guy," said Vivi. "Umm... heal," she said. "Can you hear me?"

No. Of course not. She hadn't felt the power. How had it worked last time? Vivi had wanted to talk.

"I just want to talk," said Vivi. "Umm... Let's talk?"

Shockwave put his hands down and looked up at Vivi, a sickly look in his face.

"Testing, one two three?" said Vivi.

Shockwave shook his head.

Where's the creative impulse? thought Vivi. It stumped her for a moment.

I could make some kind of interpreting device...

No, I want Shockwave to be able to hear. I just want to know that he's ready for it, kind of. Otherwise, maybe he'll just deafen himself again.

"I feel so much love for you," said Vivi. "Can you feel it for yourself? Can you do this for yourself?"

Shockwave's eyes went wide and he put his hand to his ear. He shook his head in disbelief.

"You can hear me, right?" asked Vivi.

Shockwave nodded. He looked like he could cry.

"Take your time," said Vivi gently.

Shockwave stared at his lap for a long time. "What do you mean, 'Can you do this for yourself'?" he asked finally.

"I meant, can you let yourself be healed?"

"You're crazy, lady," said Shockwave in a small voice.