Vivi

XII

Gaming with Shockwave was a little tense. He seemed to take this all very seriously and appeared irritated every time Vivi's character died. When Vivi made suggestions Shockwave either ignored her or made a short, uninterpretable grunt, and kept on doing whatever it was he was doing. In short, it didn't really feel like playing together.

After a few levels Shockwave put down his controller and glared at Vivi. For the first time in a while Vivi was gripped by fear, acutely aware that Shockwave was capable of, and quite possibly willing to, kill her with a simple act of volition. Could she keep on resurrecting herself? Was there a limit?

"What do you want, Morpheus?" Shockwave asked, his voice dull with a hint of threat.

Vivi's mind freewheeled. "Uhhhhh..." Wait, wait, wait, came a thought. Better too few words than too many. The moment stretched out.

"Jesus!" hissed Shockwave, breaking off the staring contest.

Better too few words than too many, Vivi reminded herself.

"I don't get you, man! Sometimes I wish you'd torture me just so I knew where I stand!"

Vivi nodded slightly.

"You think we're just going to play video games, become best buds and then I'll be like, oh I see the error of my ways, I'll never kill again!"

Vivi raised her eyebrows slightly, showing attentiveness.

"You have no idea what it's like on the streets!"

The streets. Street gangs?

"What the fuck! Say something!"

"I don't know what it's like on the streets," said Vivi, matching his tone, validating.

"No! You don't! You think we all have the luxury of being hippies like you?"

Vivi's voice still seemed to catch in her chest. "You... you want me to get how things are life or death out there and you've got to be serious, is that right?"

"Yeah, man!"

Vivi nodded in compassionate understanding.

Shockwave growled. "Agh! You're doing that thing!"

Vivi raised her eyebrows.

"You're acting like you get me and I just don't get... I don't know what to make of it! Can't you just insult me or something??"

Vivi took a moment to centre herself and find her words. "Let me see if I understand you, Shockwave. This is not what you're used to and it'd be easier in some ways if it were. Maybe you'd know how to respond. Is that right?"

"Yeah!"

"And I guess you're still unsure about my intentions, right? Like am I really being nice or is this all a bunch of manipulation?"

"Of course it's manipulation! You said it yourself, you want me to stop killing people!"

Vivi thought for a moment, anchoring her focus on her breath. "Let me back up for a second. Am I right in that you're trying to figure me out here, what my intentions are?"

"Well, yeah! You're so weird!"

Vivi frowned, uncomfortable. This is about him, she reminded herself. "I'm so weird," she reflected.

"Yeah!"

Suddenly Vivi could see Shockwave's distressed confusion. "I'm so weird," she repeated in understanding tones, nodding.

"Yeah!! You're being weird right now!"

Vivi smiled a little. "And I guess this is all pretty damn weird for you."

"God! Yeah," said Shockwave, appearing suddenly a little vulnerable. He hung his head. "Are you really just nice, or what is this?"

Vivi could sense a shift in Shockwave. She gazed at him compassionately a little longer, though, waiting to see if there was more. Better too few words than too many.

"What is this, Vivianne?"

There it is. "Let me see," said Vivi, feeling inwards. "I want to reassure you. But I want to tell you words you can believe."

Shockwave nodded.

"It's kind of two things. I do have an agenda. I've told you my agenda. I think my best chance of getting what I want is to connect with you.

"But I also genuinely want to connect with you. I do see you as a person. I'm curious what your story is. I'm certain you'll have good reasons for everything you've done."

Shockwave swallowed.

"But I don't mean that as a way of brushing what you did aside. I just mean that I see you as a person now, and I'll see you as a person later, too, when I know more about you.

"I don't want to control you. I just want to understand you, and maybe when I understand you, I'll be in a place where it doesn't sound like I'm talking bullshit if I want to bring up my own perspective. Then, if you still don't like what I have to say, I'll let you go. Does that make sense?"

Shockwave was gaping a bit. "Can you repeat all of that?"

Vivi did.

"Okay," said Shockwave finally. The moment trailed on. Vivi had the impulse to get up. She wanted to put her hand on Shockwave's shoulder. She decided against it.

"See you for dinner?" Vivi said instead.

"Guess so," said Shockwave.

"See you for dinner," affirmed Vivianne, smiling.

"Smell you later."