~Him~

Chapter 15: The concert 1/2

Yesterday was rough.
I couldn't believe my mother would do something like that?.
I guess I wasn't even surprised. She said she changed, but I didn't believe anything that came out of her mouth.

It's Saturday today , which means later tonight is the Nirvana concert. I'm going to be honest , I was looking forward to it. But after yesterday, I just wanted to lay in bed and sleep the rest of the day away.

Look, I'm not depressed, I'm just so tired of people who I trust let me down 24/7. First, my mom, then Kurt, then Billie, now my mom again. And let's not mention my father.
He isn't even a part of my life. I'm just living with him for a short period of time. As soon as I get enough money, I'll buy my own apartment.
And live on my own.

I can't wait for that day. Just to be alone, without any drama.

I lay on bed and turned around, looking at the time.
10:55
I'm not going to work.
My mother promised she would at least try to keep things going.
If she doesn't, I'm done with her.

I stand up, rubbing my eyes.
A big yawn left my mouth.
Why am I so tired?
I walked to the kitchen, grabbed the kettle, and made it full of water.
Placing the kettle onto the stove.

I can't stop thinking about tonight.
Nothing would.
But I keep thinking about the 'what ifs'.

As I make coffee, I can feel my eyes opening and closing.
God, I'm so tired.
I look at the cabinet and make myself a pb&j sandwich.

As I eat, I can't help but close my eyes and enjoy the sound of silence.
No one was screaming, no one throwing orders, and no one beating the shit out of each other.
I stand up and make my way to my sisters room.
To find she is still sleeping..
I'm still waiting for my dad, God knows where he is.
But he needs to take Elizabeth to gran.

I haven't spoken to her in years... I wonder how she's doing..

I put the dishes in the sink and make my way to my room.
I put on Metallica on the record player and start looking at several outfits in my closet , not knowing which one to pick.

I decided to wear a small white crop top with some greenish denim shorts, and I threw on some green converses.

I look in the mirror. Damn I really look like a mess.

I loosen up my hair and turn my straightener on. As I'm waiting for it to warm up, I grab all my makeup together.
I decided that I didn't want to put on that much makeup, so I just did my eyebrows , curled my lashes, and put some mascara on my eyes.

My lashes are very long, so I am grateful for that.
As I put on my lip gloss, I can hear the phone ringing.
I roll my eyes and walk towards the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Hey, you ready for tonight?" Emily asked. I tried to multi-task but failed horribly, dropping my eyebrow pencil.

"Yeah, kinda," I sighed.. Was I really looking forward to it?
"Well, you don't sound so pleased." She laughed. "I'm going to get ready in a bit, so I'll get a taxi by 1, then we'll meet up at your house?," She asked.

"Sure, I'm done anyways. My dad isn't home, and Elizabeth needs to go to my gran, so I'll drop her off first. So it'll be perfect," I answered, smiling.

"Good, see you soon. I love you!," She yelled. "Love ya, bye,"

I let out a sigh and made some toast for Lizzy.

I always wondered what it's like to be a mother. Is it stressful? Fun?.
I was always too scared to have children of my own because I'm scared I'll be like my mother..

I always knew that I was like a mother to Elizabeth. I always made her food, looked after her, drove her to school. And it sucked knowing our mother couldn't look after her only two children.
God knows how many more she has.

I walked towards Lizzy's room and shook her gently, placing the food on the counter.

"Good morning Liz, you have to wake up. We're going to Nan's for a bit," I said, stroking the hair out of her face.

I hope she knows how much I adore her. She is basically the only one I have. She gently smiles and sits up. "You're coming too, right?" She asked yawning. "Not today, but I'll come first thing tomorrow morning, alright?" I said smiling slightly. I could see her eyes losing spark. "Hey it's only for the night. I promise when I pick you up we can go for ice cream." Her eyes grow wide, and her smile bigger than what I've ever seen in a while. Bulls eye I thought.

"Okay let's get you all dressed we need to leave by 12 Liz, so eat up, I'll do your hair in a minute" I said kissing her forehead. I walked to her dresser choosing a sunflower dress with a small jacket with some flipflops that had little flowers on them.

After we got Elizabeth ready, I made sure to put her car seat in the car. Who knew the thing would be so God damn heavy. Nan's house was about a 30 minute drive from where we lived so I had to drive quite fast, so I would be in time for Emily.

What felt like forever , we finally stopped at the house. It was almost in the middle of nowhere. The was max two houses in the area the rest were just trees and grass, it was quite beautiful. I wonder how the sunset would look like shining down on all the trees. Or how bright the stars would look in the sky. These thoughts could keep me busy all day, but unfortunately the were interrupted by Nan's excited screams and big large, wrinkly hands waving fast at us.

To be honest this is the first time I had seen her so excited. "There's my baby" She said opening the backseat door, unbuckling Lizzy's seatbelt and hugging her tightly. I've always wished I was close to a woman older than me, someone I can talk to and get advice. I wished me and Nan just were closer, but it is what it is. I climbed out of the car and opened the boot to get Lizzy's bag. I couldn't help but notice how heavy her bag was, for someone so young. But it was probably filled with toys , so she can keep Nan busy. "Hey Julia" She said smiling. "I was expecting your father to drop her off?" " Uhm , I guess he got busy. I had plans so I couldn't leave Liz alone at the house." I said looking down. "Oh, Okay great." She answered. This was getting awkward. "Well I have to go, bye Nana" I said first kissing her cheek then Lizzy's forehead. And like that I drove home with the thoughts still roaming in my head whether or whether not I'm excited to go to this concert.

I'm excited to go drink, but I'm not excited to face him again.