~Him~

Chapter 17: Mistake

What is betrayal?
● Betrayal is being disloyal to something or someone.

A part of me feels like I'm a selfish bitch, I know what I did last night was wrong but why does it feel so right? The thought of kurt, and the feeling of his touch can't seem to leave my mind. The taste of cigarettes and sweetness of his lips, the way his eyes gaze mine. Or even when his lips form an awkward smile whenever he's nervous.

I feel trapped. Do I confront him? Do I stop seeing him? Even though Courtney hates my guts, I can't seem to find a way to be proud and brag about me seeing a taken person. This haa to end.

But today is a new day, which means new choices to make, new beginnings. Thinking about kurt absolutely breaks me. I have to let him go. What breaks me the most is knowing he has a whole ass girl to come home to every night . He gets to sleep next to her, hold her, tell her absolute lies about how much he feels about her.

'Today is going to be a long day' I thought to myself while looking out of my window. You can hear trees moving because of the wind, and the rain crashing the pavement outside. Today is a perfect day to stay in bed, but unfortunately there are things that need to be done.

I'm still scared as hell to leave the café to my mother. She said she changed her habits but I know not everyone changes so fast. I sigh in dissapointment to climb out of my bed. I flinch as my feet hit the cold floor, I should've worn some socks, ugh.

I turn to face my alarm clock that shows '8:30'.
Shit shit shit

I run across my room to find any clean shirt. Fuck I forgot to wash laundry. I rush to my closet to find a pink shirt that reveals a bit of the stomach.

I grab the shirt and put it on my cold ass body. Maybe I should just leave my sweatpants on?

I run to the bathroom and put my hair into a high pony and washed my face. Eh this has to do I guess. It just has to.

Five minutes later, I rush downstairs and grab my keys making my way to the driveway.

I just pray to God that my mother opened the café already otherwise I'm going to be really pissed.

After battling my thoughts, I find my way out of my driveway, on my way to the café.

After what felt like forever I finally stopped at my destination, I jumped out of the car , sprinting into the café. It's locked.
What in the actual fuck. Luckily I had brought the keys with me, so I unlocked the shop, turned on all the lights. Then changed the sign to 'open' in rage.

Words cannot explain how enraged I feel in this moment. A hundred thought run through my head. Is my mother okay? Why isn't she here? Why didn't she come on time? Did something happen again?

I quickly clean all the counters, and run to get my apron.  I should've woken up earlier, i thought.

Minutes go by and still nothing from my mother. If I hadn't been here , would this café still be closed?

After what felt like forever, more and more customers came in. Emily finally decided to come in today, which I am very grateful for.

The was so many admin to do, which is actually not my job to do. But my mother isn't here so it leaves me no choice but to do it.

This is going to be a long day

_____________________________________

What felt like forever , it was finally time to close. Emily said her goodbyes about 30 min ago , and the Café was empty so I was busy doing the last bit of admin and finance.

As I was putting all the paper work away, I heard the bell ring and the door closing. "Sorry we're closed" I yelled from the office. But the footsteps came closer and closer.

"Ah damn, I thought I was just in time for a cup of coffee." I familiar voice said. It took me a second to realize who it was. Shit

My heart sinks, could it really be him?

"Hey, Billie. Sorry we close in like 3 minutes," i said looking down. "I was just messing around, I saw shadows in the window, I guessed it was you but hey I was right. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing?," he asked smiling.
What in the living hell is he doing here?.
"I've been good thanks, " I half smiled.

"Uhm, I just wanted to apologize for what happened. I was dumb and I wasn't thinking right.," Billie said moving closer to me.

"Things happen," I whispered slightly looking down uncomfortable. Billie let's out a big sigh, I could feel his eyes burning into my flesh. As if his gaze could burn the clothes right off of me.

Every second that went by, I could hear and feel Billie moving closer and closer. "Look if you could just give me one more-," Billie started saying before he got cut off by the door opening.

"Hey, jules" Kurt said smiling, but it soon disappeared when I saw him gazing at the fact that me and Billie are standing so close to each other.

Now this is awkward .

I could see discomfort in Billie's eyes. God knows what he is thinking right now. "I could go?," Billie asked looking deep in my eyes. "Please," I sighed.

Billie looked down in dissapointment and walked out of the building slowly.
"What the fuck?," Kurt yelled out pointing toward Billie's shadows in the windows.

"What?," I asked raising my eyebrows.  "So you fucking him again?," Kurt said raising his voice.
"What? No!," I yelled.

"Sure, " he answered with a laugh. "And so fucking what? I'm not the one who has a whole ass girlfriend that is probably wondering where the fuck I am right now!," I said taking off my apron.

"Nothing happened, he asked for a second chance and I wanted to reject him before you barged in," I said. He answered by rolling his eyes about to say something.
"You have no say in this, whatsoever.," I interrupted. "Oh so it's a problem that I have an open relationship?," he chuckled.

What the actual fuck

"You know what, yes. It's fucked up that you are cheating. Why not break up with her when you are messing around! I can't keep staying the other woman. I want you Kurt. I don't want to fucking share you," I yelled throwing my hands up in the air.
"But the real question is, do you want me as bad as I want you? Do you love me the way I love you?" I said softly. He answered looking down, as if he had nothing else to say. I shook my head slightly knowing what that meant.

"Get out please," I said fighting the urge to yell or to cry. He sighed and walked out without hesitation.

Fuck me, why does this always happen to me?

As soon as he left the building , I collapsed to the floor and cried.
I cried so hard , I feel like everyone a mile away could here me begging for him to just walk back and say it was all a joke, and that he feels the same way.

The memories fill my head. Why did I try so hard to fit into his life?  If it didn't work out the first time, why would it happen the second?

I hope I wake up from this shitty dream.