~Him~

Chapter 20: Not good at goodbyes

"I love you,"
"I love you,"
"I love you,"

Is all that keeps repeating in my head. I can't work, I can't even sleep. Those words feel like there is no emotion behind it. At this point, I really don't know what to say or do. I feel guilty for not believing him, but it's all too good to be true.
Last night, he kept on mentioning Courtney, and I'm convinced that he won't leave her any time soon.

But now I lay in his arms, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. I analyze him for a few minutes, with so many questions that are left unanswered. I kept on laying in the same position for a few more minutes when the phone began ringing. "Shit," I mumbled. I quietly stood up, trying not to wake up the poor soul sleeping in my bed. I ran across the hall to get to the phone before my father kills me. 

"Hello?," I asked tiredly. "Hey uhm Jules, Is Kurt there by any chance?" Dave said pausing between his sentences. "Yeah, he's asleep right now. Why, what's wrong?," I asked paranoid. A huge sigh of relief could be heard through the phone.

"Give me your address please, and tell Kurt to wake the fuck up he's going to make us late", Krist said interrupting. " Wait, late for what?"  "Our show in Houston, we already have his bag we just need THE man himself," Dave said jokingly. My heart sank, I knew they were going away but not this soon. Why didn't he tell me earlier. I rolled my eyes at Dave's joke and told them my address. 

"Please don't make a lot of noise, if my father ever founds out that you were here he would murder me and you guys.," I said in a serious tone. "Got it,"Krist said. "I won't let anything hurt you, princess." Dave said. I let out a small giggle. "See you in 20 gorgeous, " Dave whispered. OMFG.

"Bye," I said hanging up the phone. "What the hell was all those names about?," I asked myself. I took a few minutes to prepare myself, I was so unbelievably pissed right now.

And before I knew it, I stood in front of THE peaceful , Kurt Cobain. His eyes are shut, and a few pieces of his dirty blond hair dangle in front of his face. I let out a small giggle at the fact that his mouth is slightly open and his arm cuddling one of my pillows. I hate that I can't stay mad at him. 

I slowly climb on top of him, brushing the hair out of his face. Slowly trailing my kissing onto his cheek to his neck. He opens his eyes wide, but quickly relaxes with a smile.

"Good morning to you too," He said cupping my face with his hands, kissing my lips. I pull away slightly, and Kurt looks at me confused. I cleared my throat, still remaining on top of him. " So Dave and Krist are on their way, for the concert thingy." I paused. And said looking down. "Which I did not know about,"  HIs eyes grew wide. " I am so fucking sorry, I totally forgot it was today. I wanted to tell you last night but that didn't cross my mind. I am so sorry." He said repeating the "I am sorry" for a few more times. "How long?" I asked still not looking into his eyes. "It's a 7 week thing," He said calmly. Fuck me that's long.

I cleared my throat , and climbed off him. "Look their going to be here any minute so I suggest you get up. " I said. " Come with me," He said quietly. "What?", "Come with me, it's only for a few weeks. We can get a hotel and-" He started but I interrupted. "You know I can't. I have a job, responsibilities. I can't just leave?" I said disappointed. "Oh so now you're saying that I don't have responsibilities?" Kurt said annoyed. "No, God no, I didn't mean that. I can't just leave my sister and the business you know how my mother is," I said. "I know and that's why you need a break from all this shit. You are not your sister's mother, and that business is not put under YOUR name. So please, consider it," He said looking at me with hope, grabbing me slightly.

I didn't pull away. I let him rub his fingers on my bare shoulders. 

I let him place his hands on my face. I let him kiss me.

But deep down inside I know I really have to let him love me.

 As I wanted to say something , a car could be heard pulling in my driveway. I let out a sigh and walk out of the room, trying not to convince myself to go with them. I stand in front of car and watch Kurt get in. "You sure about this?" Kurt mouthed. I gave him a sad smile and nodded. Dave gave me a sad look back. And so Krist started the car and slowly reversed out of my driveway.

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

my heart was beating so fast

don't do it don't do it

"Wait!," I yelled and the car stopped immediately. I run towards Krist's window. "Give me three minutes, wait here," I said smiling, running back into the house.

I grab any bag I could find, and stuff random clothes that I see first. I ran to my bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush, toothpaste, my hair thingys, and my makeup.After I gathered my things  I walk towards the kitchen and write on a piece of paper.

____________________________________________________________________________

Dear dad,

Don't worry about me, I'll be gone for a few weeks with some of my friends in Houston. Please look after Lizzy. And tell mom to look out for the café for a bit. Lot's of love!

Take care, 

Jules

 xoxo

____________________________________________________________________________

And just like that I open the door to the van and climb in next to Kurt. His whole facial expression made it all worth it. " I fucking love you so much," He said grabbing my face, kissing it. I pulled away, and once again he looked at me confused. " I love you so much more," I said. His eyes grew wide and smiled like a child eating candy for the first time. And like that he kissed me again, but this time it wasn't like any other kiss. It was a kiss with meaning, a kiss with passion. A kiss that could last for decades.

This was going to be a fun 'adventure'.