Star Trek One Shots

Thank You Spock - Spirk

Trigger warning ⚠️ body dysmorphia, attempted suicide, self harm

Jim's POV

I stare at myself in the mirror, the glass distorting my vision. Instead of seeing the bold, arrogant, confident James T Kirk that everyone knows and has a mixed relationship with I see the face and body of the person I am trying to erase, Georgina Winona Kirk, the girl I used to be. I see a tubby broken soul, pink razor sharp lines stood out on my pale body, they covered my arms, thighs and stomach. The boldest however is the black binder covering the top half of my body, I turned to the side sometimes the binder doesn't do as well of a job I want so I use ace bandages for extra well you know. I turned a little to hard to reach for the black long sleeved undershirt and I slipped my body momentally giving out on me, that will be because I've hardly eaten the last three days. Oh well I've got a ship to run.

Those mindless hours just spent cruising space, the crew talk amongst themselves to pass the time sometimes they invite me into there conversations but I'll leave them to it they don't need big brother Captain watching over their shoulders. I decided to go talk to Bones for entertainment for a bit, Bones doesn't know about any of this but if he did I wouldn't know his response. "Hey Bones," "Jim speak of the devil can you please tell the chou hall to stop making curry with that oil! Got at least two dozen sick as a dog because of it," "Alright draft something and I'll send it off," I walked around finding a part of textured floor, "What the hell is it?" "A scale don't use it very often only on routine check which you are long overdue, nurse!" He yelled indicating to the results display, I jumped off hoping that it didn't measure up. I wasn't on it long enough thank god. I quickly and discreetly left holding my breath in anxiousness, I started scratching at my leg then my arms I hated tingling feeling it evoked, I know it was just my cuts reopening.

One thing I've always know I scratch, cut and burn when I'm overstressed, today was one of those days. Even worse I have no reason to be it was predicted to be a quiet day, maybe thats what scared me, Bones having free time. He wouldn't, no, he would. My breathing quickened, I wasn't wearing my binder so it wasn't that, I struggled desperately grasping at the thin air around me trying to drag into into my raspy lungs. My legs gave out first and I crashed onto the floor below, the coldness of the floor was seeping through my body making it even worse, the doors to my quarters swung open I didn't care who it was I needed help now.

Third Person

Spock stood on the bridge waiting to discuss the newest assignment, yes in his opinion the captain was a little reckless but he was never late. He decided to check on the captain. The cold metal doors slid gracefully apart spilling the panic out, Spock scanned the room immediately seeing Jim on the floor struggling to breath, "Captain I am calling Dr McCoy," "No, please," he spat out completely breathless, Spock quickly filed through his emergency medical training and selected the most appropriate 'How to help someone having a panic attack'. "Captain listen to me, tell me five things you can see," "You, the door, my bed, the sofa and the replicator," "Four things you can touch?" "Carpet, my clothes, the bed, my hair," "Three things you can hear?" "Your voice, the engine, someones music," "Two things you can smell?" "Your after shave, oil on the door," "One thing you can taste?" "Toothpaste." His breathing slowed and returned to normal, he was able to all be it with help sit up again.

Jim's POV

Spock got me calming down, cold circulated air was welcomingly engulfed by my parched lungs, he helped me sit up against my bed as my breathing finally evened out. I realised I was neither wearing my binder nor long sleeves of long trousers, I watched him scan the scars old and new, I grabbed my hoodie throwing it on before he could get a better look nor seeing anything else, "Captain how has your mental state been recently?" Spock asked, "Spock please no, I'm fine it was a fluke just for gods sake don't tell Bones," "Informing Dr McCoy seems necessary at this point," "Spock please, please don't, I've got to work this out on my own." He seemed to thankfully accept my decision.