down with the patriarchy

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"y/n?" "y/n?" "huh. what?" i was looking at my dearest brother who was sitting next to me on the train. "your in la la land. is something wrong" "just nervous" "how come" "well i mean, break is over we are going back to school. they go here its only natural for me to be afraid" he looked at me. for once his friends werent with him, it was just me and him. "i never expected them to even attempt" harry spoke. "what do you mean" "ive met them, they seemed nice" "boys change around women all the time. think of you and ginny. although you know better not to, they dont care" i spoke. i think hes started to understand. "hi harry...hi y/n" we both looked at dean. "im still sorry, is there anything i can do" "keep them away from me" "i can try my hardest" its a hard thing to believe. no one can ever just keep them away. own free will own person type of thing. "did you end up telling anyone" harry asked. "just you" i answered. i think thats what concerns them, i usually tell the boys everything. "you on your way dean?" "no i dont think....oh, yes i am" dean spoke walking away. "are you sure your okay? all ive gotten was im fine, it doesnt affect me, im a strong person" "im fine harry" "you dont seem fine, if you think no one will notice they will" "i hope they dont" i smiled. but it was noticeable. i covered up more, i kept to myself more, i hide. theos mother told me throw a punch, but how can you throw a punch when you dont fight or flight. you freeze. how do you not freeze. the deer in headlights effect, you stare at the danger without it registering. you freeze. i freeze. "we are here" "im going to the dorm" i spoke getting off before anyone else and entering my room. all my drawling's my notes scribbled with black ink. i cant think in this mindset. the constant reminder. but i want to be alone and with myself. the very thing that might kill me. news spreads like wildfire here. it wasnt a shocker i had banging on my door over the fact i wont eat, i dont refuse to im just never hungry. a relapse maybe. "y/n you gotta eat" "okay" every conversation with everyone ever. it wasnt until one knock happened that made me open my door. "let me in" "im busy" "no your not, now what the fuck is up" i stared mattheo dead in the eyes. "nothing" "fucking liar, you cant just stare at me with cold ass eyes and tell me nothing is wrong" "i think i can, i think i just did. im fine now let me get back to what i was doing" "your gonna tell me what happened at that fucking party" "nothing fucking happened mattheo, i went. i stayed in a corner. i went home" "bull fucking shit y/n. you followed us around like a lost puppy looking around nervous, and then this. your not eating, your alone in your room. what the hell happened" "i told you nothing, just stop asking" he knew he cant keep up with me, he gave up. i wish he didnt. i wish for nothing more but to tell someone. to be comforted. "we are eating in the hall at 6. be there" "okay" i knew i had to, i dont have to but its better then being yelled at from a door frame. 

the halls are cold and i feel under dressed. i have to eat to survive thats the only problem. i dont wanna worry anyone with my problems. "y/n you have to hide" "dean?" "this way" i felt my wrist be pulled and i was now running down the hall. "let me go" and with those words he did. "what the fuck" "they know your not with them" "isnt that obvious?" "yes but im afraid they are going to look for you" "im on my way to the boys right now ill be okay" "you havent told them" he looked at me a little upset. "its fine, i have to go" i spoke walking away. on cue here they are. (:O) "hey there pretty lady" "fuck off" and now im grabbed by my waist. this is really startin to piss me off. "i said fuck off" "i like when you fight" "i like when your not touching me" "i could never" i could feel his cold hand under my jacket and shirt. "get away from me" "ive never felt tits before, i think i can change that" i could feel his hand slide its way up. my freeze. the worst time to freeze. a hand on my boob and the other on my ass. what do you even do in this situation. i feel like i cant move like im frozen. "i wanna see" i could feel my shirt being lifted. why cant i move. "your so fuckable" i want to move. (:P) "yeah?" "ill give you 2 seconds to back away" i felt every hand be instantly removed. "dean you fucking snitch" adrian spoke. im still frozen....why cant i move. all i can see is him backing up. him and Finnigan. it wasnt long before theo and mattheo came into the picture, draco not far behind. "how you doing y/n." i just looked at enzo. "stiff, must be scared shitless" he spoke more. in all my months of knowing enzo ive never heard him cuss. "i think its for the better if you dont watch" he spoke more. i did. i watched the boys go to town throwing punches. "show him what it feels like" enzo yelled. "MY ASS" it all happened so fast but mattheo quite literally shoved adrians wand up his ass.

when all was said and done i was swarmed. "so you didnt think to tell us?" theo started it off. "well i mean" "i fucking knew something happened" "guys?" enzo spoke only to get cut off. "you didnt want to tell us?" "what were you thinking?" "why didnt you come to us first?" "why didnt you yell? shout?" "why didnt you fight?" am i crying? yeah no shit of course i am. "before i got interrupted. i was going to say why dont we give her a fighting chance to explain? why dont we let her cool off? she just lived through it and your throwing things at her? and look now shes crying" enzo spoke. draco was just in the back ground. "shes gonna run" draco spoke up. hes damn right i tried only to get caught and flung back. i was wrapped in a hug by mattheo all the while he fixed my clothes that were still disheveled. "enzo has a point. i dont think she planned for this to happen" draco spoke more taking me from mattheo. "so when you guys can learn some fucking manners then come talk to me" draco spoke trying to walk away with me only to get stopped by theo. "give me her" and now im with theo. all the fighting only made me cry more. "what the hell is all the commotion?" i looked to see hermione, ron and harry. i watched harry open his arms and i ran for a hug. "what the hell is wrong with you guys?" he asked. "what the hell is wrong with you" draco asked back. "what the fuck is happening" and while everyone shared what happened i stayed quiet. the only one able to fully tell the story was dean and the boys who showed up mid way. "thats awful y/n im sorry" hermione spoke. "why are you crying though?" ron asked only to be hit by hermione. "well...."theo spoke. "these two buffoons dont understand how this shit works so they started questioning her" draco spoke on their behalf. "you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. shes hurt, in pain. and you yell at her" hermione spoke. "heat of the moment and we are sorry" mattheo spoke up. "heat of the moment or not, you never yell at someone who went through it" i was still hugging harry. "did you eat?" i keep my silence. "no she didnt" enzo spoke. i heard a whistle tune and looked up at harry. "im right here" "but that doesnt mean your okay" he spoke to me. when i broke up the hug i went to hug draco, only shocking everyone when he hugged me back. "you want to go to the slytherin common?" he whispered. "yeah" i answered. "where my hug at" mattheo spoke. i walked over to mattheo and hugged him. "do i not get one?" i hugged theo only to be picked up and carried. 

"so?" i looked at them. "why didnt you tell us?" i kept looking at them never breaking eye contact with anyone. "i didnt want to worry anyone, or have anyone get mad. i never want anyone to be mad at me" "y/n why would we be mad at you" theo asked "i just thought you would be, it was your party your friends." "not my friends" theo clarified. "i just didnt want to put a burden on anyone or have anyone worry. i thought i could just solve it myself" "sometimes you cant" mattheo spoke. "my mother told me to keep an eye on you" "she saw it happen at the party" and now theo is mad again. "fucking skank." "you freeze" enzo spoke. and everyone looked at him "what are you talking about" draco asked. "fight or flight? the normal responses. y/n isnt either, shes freeze. meaning her body refuses to move let alone process" enzo explained. "we kinda knew that" theo spoke. "thats why we didnt question her for standing there?" mattheo added to theos statement. after a few tears and hugs we went our seprate ways apart from mattheo who didnt like the fact theo got to sleep with me and he didnt for some reason. 

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