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⋆ eighteen ⋆
Peter doesn't hear Xara at first. Instead, he's lost in his grief.
Maybe that's the funny thing about grief. It has a habit of taking over your mind, your soul. Your entire body aches from the pain, hands quivering, tears always just a second from spilling over. Everyone always says that it takes time, but it always gets better, always goes away.
But that's the lie.
Grief doesn't get better. It doesn't disappear. You never get over losing a loved one. Instead, you just learn to cope with it. You break down and build yourself up from scratch all over again, with new roots, new leaves. A picture similar to who you were before, but knowing the troubles you faced. Feeling different.
It's not grief that shrinks over time. It's people that grow around grief, till it becomes a little hole covered up with plaster and bandages and blood and skin and bones until you're the only one who can feel it or see it. As months and years pass, you realise not to complain, that no one will understand the little part of you that'll never come back.
But May wasn't a little part of him. May was his only family left.
His mom. His dad. Uncle Ben. Tony Stark. And now May. How many people does Peter Parker have to lose before the world finally deems it enough?
His phone was destroyed after the battle. It only sparked more grief in him. How does he get a hold of Xara? How does he check she's okay, alive? How does he even begin to tell her what happened?
Then he feels arms wrap around him.
For a split second when he turns, he sees May. But it's a blink, and it's Xara with tears in her eyes, holding him like she thought he died. He could've died. They both could've died.
May died.
And before Peter can even control himself, the barrier opens, the sobbing starting all over again. His arms raise, holding her tighter than he thought he could, burying his face in her shoulder. He swears he feels her wince, but her fingers trail into his hair before he can process it, running through the strands in the comforting way she always does. It only seems to make him cry harder.
He can't formulate any of the questions. He can't ask where she's been, if she's okay, what happened. He can't check her over for injuries or talk about their next plan. He can't focus on anything except the overwhelming agony coursing through his veins.
It's because of him. All of this is because of him. He asked for the spell. He brought those people here. He's the reason May is dead.
Who else is going to die? Who else will die because - foolishly - Peter Parker believed he could make a difference? Whether as Peter or Spider-Man, this was because of him. And who will he allow to die next? Happy? Alex? Ned? MJ?
