Alte Liebe Rostet Nicht

Choices

Comparing himself to a person like Ann... Izumi should be better than that, whatever that means. There was never a need for him to compare himself to others after all, it was more childish than anything in his opinion. And yet, here he was, looking at Ann and then himself. And it left him baffled just wasting his thoughts on it.

First there was the push coming from them... Something which turned out to be not so bad at the end of the day of course as things seemed easier ever since. He started to easen up a little and handling people felt a lot smoother, to say the least. Heck, the others in Knights have taken note ever since.

"You seem a little different than usual Sena–Senpai, that's all." These were Kasa–Kun's words. Not just because he had been in a better mood as of late but also because he seemed easier to approach... Is how the four put it. And in a way... Yeah, he was in a better mood ever since. Things just seemed so much easier as of late, some burden lifted right off his shoulders. He should be happy! More than ever actually! And he would lie if he said that he wasn't at least somewhat. It was a step he had to take yet in the end it turned out to be a step he didn't mind taking. After all, if he learnt one thing from the Patch fiasco it was that it will never lead to anything pleasant to push people away by acting like a prick. Of course that didn't mean he would go and soften up around anyone, nothing like that. He couldn't show any sign of vulnerability to anyone that easily if at all. He just... Had to hold his tongue back from time to time. Or else he might push literally everyone away. That's all there is to it!

Or rather, that should have been all. Because there is one more thing he wished not to waste his thoughts on. And yet, here he was, doing exactly what he shouldn't. In his defense though, he couldn't help it! The moment Ann talked about their mother and how she allowed them to go despite voicing concerns at first according to them, his blood started boiling. Whenever he thinks about this conversation he is just in utter shock. Add that they had irritated him earlier and it might be the perfect recipe for disaster.

For a moment Izumi had truly believed that he could face Ann without issue at this point. Sure, they can be annoying and a bit of a nuisance but they weren't that bad in the end. Heck, they went out of their way to approach him and he knew that they couldn't stand him. They went along with his demands as well despite all of the insults and screams weeks if not months ago. Surely that should have calmed down something between them! Yeah, it should have done something, anything! And yet... There was still something lingering there, something he couldn't understand.

Or rather, it was something Izumi may have started to refuse to understand. When going back to the question why he hated that person in particular the answer had not been as clear as it should have been. ' Sometimes you just hate someone without any reason ' was something he thought at that moment and left it at that. He hated them for no reason other than not liking some things about them. It was personal, to say the least. And he had not considered thinking about it when things seemed to finally go uphill between them, somewhat. And even if he still hated them, at least he was grateful for what they had done.

And yet, it was weird that he hated their presence altogether, or at least during the conversation. He wanted to scream, let out his pent up rage at them. He couldn't stand hearing the things he heard coming from their very own mouth.

"I like Japan. And stuff from Japan! Want to see it so I went. Uni exchange programm stuff! Plus Germany can be stinky~" and " My choice, yes! Took convincing my parents but got 'em! " – Hearing these things hit harder than expected and it would every single time it echoed in his ears.

Long story short, Ann was here out of their own choice. They decided to go to Japan, because they wanted to. They convinced their parents because they had the urge to go overseas and do something they wanted.

Their employment at Ensemble Square? Made out of their own decision.

Having taken in Patch and bringing him along? Most likely their own doing.

Shoving junkfood right down their own throat? Unhealthy but it was a choice they made.

Dressing in a sloppy, unsightly way? No one's going to tell them to stop and put it all together.

Meanwhile his ears... Oh the things he heard in comparison...

"Sweetie, I found this great agencies for you~ They will make sure to make you shine as the greatest model the world has ever seen~"

"Ah— A... Are you sure you want to keep that cat? What if you catch something? Have you ever thought about that? A pet is a big responsibility!"

"Ah, Izumi! No, you can't wear that! This is unfitting for a model just as you are! Here, put this on. Mama picked it specifically for you sweetie~ Try it, try it~"

"What are you doing!? We said no treats, did we!? Now go wash your hands! And exercise those calories off! A model cannot put on too much weight! And you want to be a world famous model, don't you!?"

Mama knows best, that's why she decided on a lot of things. Yeah, that was how it had to be. If he does what Mama wants then—

Hold that thought... If he does what Mama wants... If he does what Mama wants ... That couldn't be why, could it? He thought about it for one good moment... It shot through his mind right then and there and he was trying to think for a short period of time, something which should have hit him in the head moments earlier.

No, he knew. He always had known. He just didn't want to think about it. There was no use in thinking about it too much if at all. He would listen to his mother altogether, because she should know best. And she does! He wouldn't be where he is now if it was not for her! Her strict attitude came from her caring so much about his well being, his career. But...

Suddenly he realized... It was all she wanted from him. His parents had expectations from him and he was eager to fulfill them as a kid. He had always listened. And yet... Now that it hit him, now that Ann told them about their parents... Things didn't seem that simple anymore. He hated it but compared them to him...

Sure, they were an utter mess and could need boosts on their own... Yet them being here alone proves that they were free to do whatever they wished to do. They decided to become a poor university student, overworking themselves and making unhealthy decisions. They chose this life. It was their decision alone.

Meanwhile Izumi... He didn't really decide on his own, did he? Not much. Maybe his care for Yuu–Kun but other than that... His parents picked out the model agency regardless of what he said. They bought him gifts he didn't even know he wanted. They dressed him in a way 'befitting for a model'. They protected him every waking minute and barely let him go out on his own. In the end... It was his parents who chose his life and he was submitting to it, like the good kid he wanted to be.

But he had to be a good kid! For his parents' sake! He had to obey them! That's what good children do! ... Right?

Thinking about it more and more... He wasn't so sure anymore. This was so complicated, so weird... It has been years and the last time he thought about this question was when he sat alone in this room, in this foreign country when he was caged in there for the rest of the stay. " But I wanna play outside... " He had whined that day, though quietly. Voicing something he wants... It had become a rarity ever since. He never told his parents what he wanted.

Then again, does he even know what he wants!? He had already established that it was his parents who usually decided for him and he had never had a say in this whatsoever! Who even is he at this point!? If he had an answer for that, he would say it! But he can't! It was already hard enough to answer 'who he wanted to become', and even then he simply imitated one of the few people he truly looked up to! But... That didn't answer much. It didn't answer who he truly is. At most he was just a cheap imitation. But none of that was him, was it? Then again, can you even act like yourself if you don't know who you are?

No, that's impossible. And it is all so confusing. He cannot say anything: Who he is, what he wants and who he wants to be. That's all... Lost. Does he even want to be a model and idol? Or was that a dream chosen by his mother too? Ugh... He hated thinking about it and yet here he is... Confronting himself with something like this. And it... It is... This is... All of it...

What is he supposed to do!?