Alte Liebe Rostet Nicht

Doubt

Izumi may as well have become a record before even knowing it himself. On the outside there was not much of a difference and barely anyone could tell. However, there was a turmoil he just couldn't get over. And it was about Mama yet again. It always was recently. Something isn't right. He knew and accepted that much. Mama seemed different, at least to him, especially recently. He noticed it though he wished he didn't. Every second he spent with Mama was met with a certain air around, something he didn't really like to think about if he was completely honest. He was used to her being scary at points, she could snap if she really wanted to, and yet even when she was like the usual self, or at least the self Izumi saw most of the time, she became more and more off putting as time went on. It was hard for him to pinpoint it down and he was somewhat living in denial.

'It can't be. Mama only wants what is best for me.' He would always go back to that excuse when in doubt and back then it was something which had worked. But now it truly was feeling like a cheap excuse, to say the least. She was around so much, it was almost unbearable. Was this how Yuu–Kun might have felt back then? Maybe even Leo yet that guy would never even mention such a thing. It was... Unsettling. Izumi wanted to get away from his own mother nonetheless. He didn't say it though, not sure what she would be doing if he did. She was his guardian at the end of the day and should have the last say in this, shouldn't she? That was her job. And yet... It didn't feel right. In hindsight it probably never did.

Honestly it would be so much simpler if he never had gotten any closer to Ann and would have stood his ground back then. None of this would occur and his mother wouldn't barge in like that and ruin everything! But if it didn't happen, he wouldn't be... Well... Happy?

Yeah, that was the best word, happy. He didn't dislike this life whatsoever. He was already overjoyed that Patch was back in his life so when he found out that he met the girl again, he was more than happy. At this point he doesn't want to give up on them either. But Mama might want him to do just that.

No, she probably wants him to do that. Because 'it is what is best for him', or so her reasoning probably was. For the first time he spotted a crack in her logic, questioning her every decision at this very moment. Was she in the wrong? Could she be in the wrong? Maybe he was in the wrong!? Ugh, which was it? It can't be both, can it!?

This was stressing him out... A time where he wanted to reflect on things, deciding on what he wanted to do in the near future... He couldn't even focus on that anymore. He was not thinking clearly! And it was not just stressing him out, but probably those who are affected by it as well. Not to mention that it was his presence which had caused all of this... Damn it! He hated that thought! He despised it! And yet, he couldn't help himself in the end. This mess was on him, wasn't it!? Why do things always have to turn out like that!? He has to do something about it, one way or another! He was driving insane, one way or another! Damn it! Damn it damn it damn it! Damn it all!

These were all thoughts racing through his mind as he was just sitting in that small, one room apartment. At least it didn't feel as cramped since he cleaned it up, trying to get his mind off things, yet that didn't help. He didn't even feel like knitting, something that he would usually resort to in a time like this, solely to get his head straight. It was all just... So much, too much even...

"Ugh, maybe I should just leave them. That'd make things easier on the both of them, wouldn't it?" He suddenly thought out loud, nearly yelling at no one but himself. Yeah! If he left no one would have to deal with this anymore! it was for the best for them all! Especially Patch and Ann. Didn't he drag them around long enough with his nonsense!? There was no other way, if he wanted for them to be left alone and live on as normal, all he would have to do is—

"N... Nye?" Izumi's thoughts were interrupted all of a sudden, his head going silent and his lips shut. He noticed his eyes going wide, as if having been brought back to reality, and his stomach was turning yet again. Was he getting sick or something? No, that wasn't that. He could tell that much. And yet, he felt so uncomfortable right now, in the moment as well as his very own skin. All of it be damned! Though that thought wouldn't last too long...

Because the moment he had turned at least a little bit he could see Patch out of nowhere, seeming to have finally crawled out of the sheets he had been hiding under for days. At most he crawled out to nibble on his food, then back under them. Even when Kuma–Kun came over to check on the cat, he was not coming out, only shivering under his blanket. So seeing him finally coming out was already a surprise of its own.

But as much of a relief as that was, the kitty's face was anything but that. He was looking up at the person he was finally addressing as 'Brothnya' again, a visible frown on his face and his eyes having teared up. A few sniffles came from his mouth and his ears were dropping. "N... Nye? Nye... Nye?" He repeated over and over, as if trying to tell Izumi something, though the didn't have the vocabulary. But did he really need it? No, his face was saying it all, enough for him to understand... And it left Izumi in shock, yet at the same time it was probably the wake up call he needed at this very moment.

It went further when feeling the small kitty suddenly cling onto him, as tightly as his nubs could manage. He didn't want to let go and would be determined to cling onto Izumi if he really had to. There was no need for words whatsoever and it made it all too clear what Patch was trying to tell him... Seeing this sight alone made it too obvious.

What was he thinking!? Leaving them alone... Wouldn't he just be running from all of it again? When pushing Patch away Izumi was just running, wasn't he? He refused to face the consequences and if he was to walk out on everyone yet again... He would run, wouldn't he? Let his mother have her way and not put up a fight. She didn't understand, or wasn't aware at the moment... These people mean a lot to him. Not just Patch and Ann, but also the rest of Knights. And many more. Everyone here has been helping him one way or another, especially in the time of need. Wouldn't he just throw it away if he was to go, only because it's the easier way out? That'd just be betraying them all! Not to mention that he would break a promise he made.

"I just... Look, I know the loneliness stuff and I wish it for no one! But also Nyeli's sa—"

"Quit making excuses! You're not any better right now! I don't know what makes you say something so stupid nor do I want to know. That wouldn't get us anywhere to begin with."

Yeah, that was what he had told Ann that day... Even going so far saying this not too long after:

"So, I assume that you need someone to push you around. And since you pushed me around to make up with Patch, I suppose I will push you around a little now! So, quit saying stuff like that! I'm not gonna leave you by yourself if I can help it!"

He made that promise and he meant it. If he backs out now, he would just stab her in the back again... Wasn't that how this was?

"S... Sorry. It slipped out." He tried to assure Patch, his hand going up to the cat's head and patting him softly as he was clinging onto his big Brothnya.

"Nye?" As if surprised the kitty's ears wagged all of a sudden, just standing there at first before nuzzling into Izumi one way or another, yet sniffling all the same. That little guy is as helpless as ever, isn't he? Well, not like he could be blamed for it to be completely honest.

"Just... Give it some time. How a—"

Yet before being able to finish it the door got kicked open from one moment to the next, interrupting wherever this conversation could have gone.

"Izumi, pack up. You're going home."