Destiny's Play!!

Chapter - 82

"Tej Vir Singh Dogra represented everything I had ever learnt or known," Karan started, "to me my dad was the best, I guess every child says that," he said as he smiled grimly, "but he was. Ever since I can remember I had followed in his footsteps. His every word was a commandment, his every thought a belief, his every action something to be emulated and I did for the longest time," Karan said huskily. It was difficult to go down lanes he hadn't visited in so many years. Who was he fooling? He had gone there again and again searching for answers. Searching for that one piece of puzzle he couldn't figure out before he had given up. Before he had accepted defeat. Before he had realized his father was not all that he had seemed. He swallowed hard. "All my childhood and growing up years I can't remember one incident where I wasn't proud of him. Where I didn't want to grow up to be him. Not one," he said as he looked up at the portrait that hung over the mantel. He stared at it.

How wrong he had been? That smiling image of his father, that pure image had broken into a million shards and each shard had pierced his heart. His father hadn't been what he had thought. His father had been pretending. Wearing a mask over his face to hide his true self. It wasn't a bad face. Only it wasn't what he had thought either. Maybe he was overdramatizing the whole thing but to someone who had believed in that image all his childhood and adolescence was a blow. A big blow. Something it had taken a long time for him to recover from.

"I had been everything he had wanted," Karan went on. He wasn't sure if she was listening or not. Or if she was understanding or not. He went on in a voice raw with emotion. There was too much he had kept inside for far too long. Too many things had happened along the way. He had grown up. Alone. Yes, his brother had been there and his sister too, so was his mother and yet he had been alone. One kind word from his father, one word of appreciation or even an acknowledgement of who he had become. Was it too much to ask? He had been insulted at every turn, his father's anger, his barbed words had hurt him each time. And he had walked away. Knowing his father's ego was too big to ever understand what he had gone through. His love for his image in society, the position he commanded amongst his peers were dearer to him than his golden boy who had become a rebel in his eyes. Avni's pain was much greater than his but to contain his pain for her combined with his own was something he couldn't keep within himself anymore. "I did everything he wanted. And I never once questioned him because the principles he spoke of, the stories he told me, the words he said were all true. It was everything we read in textbooks, our elders teach us through life trying to make us a better human being. Honesty, integrity, loyalty, standing up for those who are weaker than us. Don't you read it everywhere? The path to righteousness and everything that goes with it. Bhagavad-Gita, Upanishads, the scrolls, every culture, every religion every thinker talks about these very things," he said as he smiled sarcastically, "but when it comes to actually putting it into action people shy away. They forget everything they have learnt. It is easier that way I guess. It is easier to go back on promises," he said painfully, "it is easier to stand back and watch the drama unfold," he said bitterly, "it is easier to be a hypocrite because you can hide behind multiple faces, multiple excuses," he said angrily, "you know why?" he asked and turned around to finally face her. She was standing now. Her eyes filled with unshed tears. He smiled but it never reached his eyes. "Because it takes courage to stand up," he told her as he put his hands inside his pant pockets, "it takes guts. More than that it takes your conscience to do something right," he told her. Then paced restlessly before the fireplace.

"I had joined the NDA just as dad had wanted," he said as he stopped pacing, "I had wanted it too. A great career in the armed forces, a family tradition we had followed for generations," he said then laughed a little wistfully, "and I was set for it. Dad was so proud of me just as I was," he said as he remembered the day he had gotten the letter of selection, "he had thrown a huge sendoff party. Once there I knew what was expected. Dad had told me what to expect, what to do, everything. And I did. I made friends too. Sudish another fellow cadet became a great friend. He was from Pune. Unlike me he was from a civilian family. But a great guy. Smart, intelligent and humorous. I had never known him to be serious no matter what the hardship or circumstance. We became as thick as brothers. One day he came back to the dorm with a vicious cut to his brow. Most of us were taken aback and when I asked him I found out he had been beaten by some seniors who had been bullying him and he had refused to give in," he said quietly, reflectively. "It is a common thing but to beat up someone this viciously," he said and shook his head at the memory, "I was angry. At first we complained to the officials who after a minor punishment let them go but it became a prestige issue with them. They started cornering us every opportunity they got and we fought back. Only slowly we found they had singled us out. It was just Sudish and me in the end. Rest everyone had decided to ignore the issue, turn their backs on us," he said, "you know I wonder what kind of officers they made. If they could turn their backs on us, their fellow cadets for such a minor thing what would they do in battle," he said thoughtfully. It was something he had often wondered about. "We didn't give in but I could see the difference between me and Sudish clearly. He had started to crumble. He was losing. It enraged me. I tried to boost his confidence but their tactics were taking its toll on him. He started fearing them. He was so scared he started making excuses to bunk training," Karan said the anger returning, "I had never lost a fight. Ever. Maybe I was an officer's son that was one reason why those good for nothing idiots went easy on me but not on Sudish and ultimately his fear won," he said sadly, "he jumped off the roof of the main building one afternoon," he told her and looked at her.